I’m scared of falling
off a bike
In an ice rink
And in the arms of a stranger

Would it take so much out of me to finally surrender to the ways of the heart?
I’d hate to go into a field blindfolded and come back with pieces missing.

Should I hug myself tighter to hold my broken pieces together? Or let the arms of another hold me to let them breathe
Would I loose too much of myself when I’m at ease?
Because happiness is short-lived. It’s bound to end.
will it be worth it when I’m left with a broken heart to mend?

I go round & round
The clock ticks on
I’m none the wiser
These questions make me want to test the waters
Or try the appetizer

For I have never known what love is
And I don’t think I ever will
I guess I’m back to bottling things up
forgetting to close the lid

Things aren’t looking so great. I’m sorry you can’t change your fate. I’m sorry you hold a lot at stake. I’m sorry that you don’t seem to catch a break. I’m sorry to say that you don’t have what it takes to be alive.
I’m sorry that all you have to keep you going is the guilt of causing grief to the ones you love.
I’m sorry that all that you seem to do is lose.
I don’t know what will become of you in six years time. Quite frankly, I don’t see you living to see them. You have no consolation but a dear friend who’s just the same as you, you want to give her the world yet you can’t manage to lift a finger. You’ve lived to see another winter, you’ve lived to see 18. I think that’s more than enough, don’t you?
Time is a loop of events that keep reoccurring, not necessarily the same but they all make you feel the same hopelessness, desperation, and misery.
I’d love to see you yearning to live, not hanging to a hope of dying everyday.
Maybe that day will never come,
The light at the end doesn’t feel real.
I’m sorry that you still don’t have a proper way to cope and deal.
You hate to see yourself this weak and you often wish that were made of steel.
So life could cause you no wounds,
And you wouldn’t have to feel pain to heal.  
Be good, be kind, if you live to see this in a few years time.
But if you don’t then that’s okay, because heaven knows how hard you tried to be fine.
Uncertainly,
Aysha

My house has a garden I try to tame
I must’ve forgotten when I turned insane

I say my goodbyes everyday in case I honor them
I am a flower of youth yet I’m breaking at the stem

oceans are on a rise
Thats hope for a fast demise
Clinging to the thought of the end due to the melting of ice
Isn’t it comical?
At least it is to me
I will die with no chronicle
One of plenty fish in the sea

I’ll dance on fire
Let the embers burn and hurt
The soles of my feet are tired  
& blood is soaking through my shirt

A revolution is here! Hold your head up high!
The time has gone where all you do is sit and sigh
you will never know unless you try!
I attempt to join but this land ****** me dry
building dreams like a house of cards
Blaming you for them falling apart

My house has a garden that I’m trying to tame
I must’ve forgotten when I went insane

what is life then?
If not *****, scarlet nights and cigarettes
Can it be music so loud that it vibrates within me? pumping through my veins,
Harmonizing with my pulse

isn’t life just one big song?
I hope mine isn’t mellow and quiet
I’d like to see it end with a Big Bang
Like the build up in a rock song that leaves me heaving

And yet I’m stuck in the beginning
Repeating every day
over and over
Like my life is a broken record
And the song doesn’t play past the opening sound
And so I find myself in a hospital gown
wondering why my song isn’t great
how it’s not getting better at any rate
while I ponder my worth under a fluorescent glow
******* to a bed watching my favorite show
grasping at straws with hopes of ‘you never know!!’
life passing me by at lightning speed while I’m going slow
Dragging my sadness that never seems to leave
and all existential crisis in tow