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 Oct 2014 Ashley Nowlin
Autumn
I hate how dependent
I am on you
that a text from you will dictate
how well my day will be

how happy or sad
I'll be that day

you're the thing
that's keeping me stitched together
but somehow
you're also the thing
that is ripping me apart

and I long for the day
that won't be my reality anymore

but that also terrifies me
because that means you've moved on
and that I have also
 Oct 2014 Ashley Nowlin
Autumn
I've come to realize
when he's choosing
it'll always be you
and if it's not you
it'll be her
or her
or her
but never me

and I wish for once
he'd at least consider it
like I have considered him

every

single

day

since I've known him
 Oct 2014 Ashley Nowlin
Autumn
and though it's just friendship between us
that's better in the end
because there's no breaking up or jealous hearts

well,
maybe not entirely.

and maybe I just liked the attention you gave me
and I didn't actually like you that way
and for that I apologize
to myself
because I drove my heart to conclusions
that would never happen
my imagination ran wild with what ifs
and asking myself if those things that happened
had any meaning at all
Breath of life, it is a wild ocean
always a tide coming and going
in this place, it does not linger long
never holding on, only drifts quietly into night
into stars, into fleeting sparks of fire flies
or in the night waters, a ghostly glow
of phosphorescence, a transient trail
of luminescence that soon
fades and reappears to light
the deepest depths
of sea
to all who stop by here to read this poem, I thank you
to all poets, here and everywhere, I thank you
XO
Cyd
 Jun 2014 Ashley Nowlin
Mikaila
I like to leave my mark on my books.
I've gotten into the habit, as of late, that when my books are tangible
With pages and dog-ears and tears,
And little coffee stains and broken bindings,
That they also hold something else of me.
When I stopped writing my story,
I started scrawling responses to theirs
Everyone else's
In my books
Novels and poetry
Are scribbled with underlines and little comments,
Agreeing or acquiescing,
Rebutting or rebuking
Some author or character to whom I feel a particular connection.
I like to leave a bit of myself in my books
So that they might be no one else's
Not ever.
Compelled by feeling,
I scrawl my heart on the pages of my books
And make us the same.
 Jun 2014 Ashley Nowlin
Sara
smoke the stars
put them into a laurel leaf
as you would tuck your precious child into bed
wrap them up tightly and protect them from the hostile darkness surrounding us

pluck an aeroplane from the sky
dismantle it's metal exterior to leave only the body
use it as a filter, keeping the stars safe
as you hold them between your delicate fingers

set your golden cigar on fire
using erupting volcanoes to light it
and as you breathe in the galaxies and the history of the world
you breath out the clouds, overwhelmed by relief

gently tapping the cold areoplane body
whilst you watch the ashes fall as shooting stars
which cut through the darkness
and scatter onto the Earth like glitter

and as you smoke the stars
your lungs are lined with golden dust
dust of the kings and emperors
dust of the stars
product of 15 minutes in a library
In Welsh
The word "Hiraeth" means
A homesickness for a home
To which you cannot return.
A home which maybe never was.
The nostalgia,
The yearning,
The grief for the lost places of your past.

In Russian
The word "Toska" means
A dull ache of the soul.
A longing with nothing to long for.
A sick pining.
A vague restlessness.

In Yaghan
The word "Mamihlapinatapai" means
A look shared by two people,
Each wishing that the other will
Offer something that they both desire
But are unwilling to suggest or offer themselves.

You say that you love my words
And wonder why I have such a passion for them.
It's simple, really.
I'm merely trying to put a name
To everything you inspire me to feel.
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