overcome with weakness and nausea,
I limp to my bed.
I rest my tired eyes,
and pray to god I wake up dead.
and light doesn't shine on any of my days
as I make my way through this foggy haze,
I try to look on the bright side of life
but all has been shadowed by clouds.
I didn't choose this life,
nobody did.
we were not told how hard it would get,
though I was just a kid.
I asked my mom why granny died,
why she gave up when pappy was gone.
and my mom gave me a very tight hug
and said that she just could not go on.
that's when I learned we could control our death
and god knows I tried a few times.
I was so tired of regret
I was so tired of goodbyes.
but here I am, to this day,
dragging my feet through life
but trust me, friend, this is better
than picking up that knife.

The Violin’s azure strings wept softly,
from inside of a mind made cell;
musical echoes lamenting,
a poignant abyss too vast to fill
each and all silenced reverie,
leaving the philosopher’s stone
                                          unthrown

Blue guitar minor chord changes,
bent notes phrasing sharps and flats;
memories ―      gently weeping confirmation
as a repressed flow of soul
pensively leaks out

The spirit's currents eddy
suffused within written verve;
silently purging the soul's fountains ―

                                    musical rivulets swell
                                     quietly overflowing
                              an alchemist’s soul unfurled...


        © harlon rivers ... all rights reserved

I turned around
And walked away in silence
Though the soul inside me broke apart
Though I had an option of staying
But I kept walking
Because I was the reason for him to not smile
And as the nightingale sang above my head
I realised what I have transformed myself to be

Every thing I say, has no meaning to you
Everthing I do, is always *******
Do you even know that I live here too?
Maybe no because you don't see me with my little do's

Well I'm here if you open your eyes
Standing right there like the whiff of windy smiles
Maybe you will never notice me
Like the winds passing by
But I'm the real one to save your life
With care and warmth,
I bring you a pleasant peace of mind

But here I'm ignored and scared
Buried in loneliness, soo quiet
Watching you with every hour passing by,
But I guess you have lost our memory of purity, why?

I've waited for you all along to change,
But even after an year or so
I've been left in vain
I see  the expectations being washed away with night
But still, I do wait     
And wait
And wait
With every hour, minute, second, months passing by
I still wait
Has anyone waited for you like I did?
But you never saw the effort I made to be your special bid
You are the only joy of mine
But you never changed a bit
And now I'm exhausted and drained
And I don't want to complain anything to you
I'm just quiet

O, see old mate
Someone uprooted me from your backyard of old fate
And now you cry of your loss
Stupid you who never heard my screams when I was close to you
And now I see what I had said
And u let me go giving the reason
of "just because I love you"

And I found another mate
Who always see what I've to say
But thanks to you old mate
That I hold a guilt soo deep that I could die
I gave my utmost affection to someone who never cared      

But now after sometime you see
I can give him affection that's right to be
But you my old mate cannot be forced out what my past has already paved
Because you now hold a part which cannot be explained and changed

Guilt, so dark
That it fills from inside
Makes you hollow
Of the work that
Is not practised in a long time

Do they even feel it
Do they even sense
That plight of mischief fonds
I see that finally my soul is torn

Care for eveything
That came in the way
Making everything special
With charming ways
But I see the fight is in vain

Changing circumstances
Put forward by a runaway dream
I see a new horror
Coming to the reel

And the beautiful eyes
That used to be
Are placed in the onset of dawn
But with a tinge of blue light
So bleak, but
Only if you see