3/2/2019
Once there was a boy I dreamed of
He had curly hair
That was perfectly upbeat
And danced when he moved
And fire eyes with silver
The kind of eyes that pulled me in with warmth
But scared me with intense sincerity
He had a safety about him
That hung from his arms
And a story that spilled from his lips
His notes were those I could hear all day long
And never hear a song the same
He told a different story with the music he loved
And I longed for the next note to hear
His hugs were the epitome of safe
With his arms he lifted the world from my shoulders
And with him, I could be me
I could be the truest self I ever was
I knew who I was because he knew me
I could climb one thousand mountains
And defeat everything that fell to my feet
With him by my side, my insecurities broke
And sadness was a foreign language on my tongue
He made me strong by making me weak
And he had no idea that he did
But I awoke from the dream
And realized with pillows and sheets
And a dizzy feeling in my head
That some people were meant to stay where they were
And that he was never meant to be mine

3/1/2019
If I was ever unsure
He closed the doubt away
So it never came out
If I ever forgot who I was
He said my name one hundred times
Until I loved the sound of myself
If I ever walked away
From the person who I was
He gave me a mirror to see
If I ever wanted to quit
He stopped me from moving
And counted the reasons to live

2/28/2019
It's 11:11
And I can't think of anything
Except for you
The only words in my throat are your name
And the only sound I hear is your voice

The only thing I see are your eyes and your smile
A broken down merry go round horse
Nothing escapes my swirling mind
Except for your silver fire eyes

And my head is dizzy and my heart is fixed
With the soaring hope of you and me
Though my wish may not come true again
A penny thrown in the fountain won't hurt

I blow the dandelion and close my eyes
And picture you instead

Two-tone lips
Chewed raw from a tempted anxiety
And a stitched together string
Told to keep quiet unless you have a lie to tell
So you can protect the connected streams of expectations
A lie balanced on one lip, the truth falling from the other
Catch it quick before it spills

Burnt bruised skin
Strangled by the soft palms of mercy
With a choked lie so we will protect their name
A yellow-blue watercolor of forgotten truths
Blended together with the concealed coverings
A punch again and one more hit
Block the kick to stop the pain

Obsidian knife blades
Cut deeper than the steel that you use
Black explosive rock glazed with the promise of blood
A line cut into it that separates truth from lie
A simple consequence of being the one who was there
A chance game token of who can get the better death
A knife that only reveals the bruised lips of the liar that we are

Twist the stem
And I was scared
As I got close to your name
It landed on just that one letter
That you write on every paper
And letter and note
Because you were the letter of my apple stem

I was told when I was younger
“Twist a stem, that person will love you”
But now I realize that if you plant a stem
Nothing will grow from it but hope
A twisted stem detached from the apple
Means nothing but the fact
That I love you

I thought that I could love you
If my red apple told me so
And I was right because I really do love you
I eat apples until I’m sick and can’t stomach the thought of anymore
But that means nothing with a twisted branch
And all that’s left
Is a broken apple stem

how does a bird fly
if he cant appreciate his own wings
and realize that those wings
can take him places
that he has never been before
to see the mountain tops
above the orange horizon sky
into the deep blue nothing above
to see new beauties that have gone unseen
but if the bird can never see
that the only thing that can lift him are his wings
then he will never truly learn to fly
and if he never learns what his wings can do
then how will he ever become
truly himself

I left consciousness while wide awake
Never breathing but overthinking
What you said what I said
Breathing and living with you on my mind
Your name always on my tongue
Like sweet stinging candy
A delicate touch of powerful words
When you are the one I wait for daily
A stopwatch of life when you say my name
And everything goes silent but you
Click, the stopwatch starts again
And I realize that you will never be mine
I realize that you were never mine
I realize that I
Can only be
If I stop loving you