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Or
I do not like this phase of a heart break.

When you purposely avoid love songs,
Or sometimes you play them just to make yourself feel like your hearts still pounding.

When the person you loved and hid from every waking soul is brought into a conversation.
Or when he isn't.

When you see other lovers who have made it years without the cruel hand of fate ripping their love from them.
Or when you see they haven't.

When you notice him writing you smaller, casual messages when they use to be breathtaking and beautiful.
Or when he doesn't write at all.

When I ask you if I am pushing you away and you say no.

"Alright, happy birthday! Text me later tonight?"

"Will do"


When every hidden goodbye ends with those two words. And my broken, belittled heart.

(i. r.)
Please don't do this.
I. Can't. Lose. You.
288

I’m Nobody! Who are you?
Are you—Nobody—Too?
Then there’s a pair of us!
Don’t tell! they’d advertise—you know!

How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a Frog—
To tell one’s name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog!
I’m drowning.
Pushing me under,
Holding me down,
I’m worthless.

I’m clawing for the surface.
Desperation
Panic
Begging for release,
I’m nothing.

I see your face at the top.
Smiling
Gloating
Malicious
You want me to die.

You're nothing, you say.
You're just a puppet for my amusement, you say.
I’m just here to please your desires,
My needs don’t matter.
I’m an object in your eyes.

Our entire relationship was me drowning
And all you did was stand by
You watched me struggle to stay above
And you just laughed
And held me down.
My relationship with my ex boyfriend was a one-sided street, where I gave everything and he gave nothing in return. He abused me mentally and emotionally.
 Mar 2014 Antonena Ishkova
Xyns
Blowing smoke
Rolling up
Let it burn
Take a puff

Little escape
From the day
Open minds
Stolen time

Filled to the rim
Sips with friends
Tilt up the end
Pouring again

Little break
From a life
Open bottles
Stolen dances

Party with them
Party with us
Party for fun
Party for love
I try to mimic the touches that you've made,
here when I’m alone
but I can’t seem to trace the slow
slow
trails,
the ripples
the shivers,
the heat
that you've garnished over my skin,
the feel of your finger tips
sliding along the seams of my sweater,
riding along the ridges of my spine
down and round the valleys of my senses.

I try to mimic the touches that you've made
alas, when I’m alone
my timing is always
slightly off,
your touches feel like a stranger's,
never quite right.
And those carefully carved moments
the order of movements
of walking through the door
to familiar ground,
and laughter
with a twist of lime,
a kiss
and release,
timing that sigh of relief
settling down into the confines of our choices
starting a scene that always seems
to end in a dream sequence in my mind
realizing that it abruptly begins,
and painfully ends in time.
(I feel you still, and delicate, when I pull off clothing and climb into bed). I suppose this is a feeling that I just must let go of.
He liked her with her long hair,
so she cut it short.
 Mar 2014 Antonena Ishkova
Josh
Be still and watch the golden sun's
late fire drape the snowy frost.

In loving embers stirring low
that light the heart of tender dusk.

In snowy arms we walk back home
and feel a warmth that's never lost.
For my Grandad, who passed away yesterday.
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