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O me! O life!… of the questions of these recurring;
Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish;
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew’d;
Of the poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me;
Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.

That you are here—that life exists, and identity;
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.
Hear my cry dear God,
My cry of sorrow.
Do you have any strength I could borrow?

Cause I'm living with a head full of fears.
I've held on to them for all these years.
They've been crawling all inside my head.
And I want to be set free from this horrible side of me.
I want faith. I want your hope. I want it now.
I know for a fact you won't let me down.
God'a faithful, it's just we're not.
And so everywhere in my life I found myself being mediocre.
Saying things I didn't mean.
Pretending to be someone I wasn't.
I was at war with myself.
A war that went down to the core of who I was and begged me to change.
Begged me to remember everything I wanted and was working for.

And in this civil war, who would win?
I didn't want a life like this, but I was too afraid to change and take risks.
So instead, I just remained the same.
Stuck.
By choice.
Slowly loosing my voice...
...
New skies.
Different faces.
Unfamiliar places.

I felt like I was on a long vacation.

Growing familiarity.
Experience.
Comfort.

I could accept this as my new home.

Airports.
Highways.
Old and new friends.

This story of change will never end.
The only constant in life is change.
All the other faces pale beside you.
You are my point of focus.
Like a spotlight that makes you stand out, my eyes are sensitive to you in a crowd.
But I dare not stare and I quickly look away because I don't want you to know I feel this way.
I'm not confident that I am your type.
And I don't want to seem trite, but I have to face the fact that you're out of my league.
Too beautiful for a naïve girl like me.
No, I'm not being negative I just know this will never happen.
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