न ज़िक्र,
न गुफ़्तगू
न दीदार ही होता है,

तुम ही कहो आख़िर
ऐसे भी कहीँ प्यार होता है..

हम ही तड़पते हैं
रात-दिन तेरे लिये,
या फिर तेरा भी
दिल बेक़रार होता है,
तुम ही कहो आख़िर
ऐसे भी कहीँ प्यार होता है..

तुम तो
सो जाते हो सुकूँ से,
और मेरी आँखों में
तेरा इन्तजार होता है,
तुम ही कहो आखिर
ऐसे भी कहीँ प्यार होता है..

न तलब - न तिश्नगी
तुमको मालूम होती है कोई,
और मेरी रूह पे
हर पल तेरा खुमार होता है,
तुम ही कहो आख़िर
ऐसे भी कहीँ प्यार होता है..

तुम तो रहते हो
मशगूल हर वक़्त ग़ैरों में,
दिल मेरा हर लम्हा
तेरे लिये निसार होता है,
तुम ही कहो आखिर
ऐसे भी कहीँ प्यार होता है..

तुम्हेँ मालूम नहीँ
हाल-ए-दिल मेरा,
और मेरा कल्ब
तेरी एक ख़बर को
खाकसार होता है,
तुम ही कहो आख़िर
ऐसे भी कहीँ प्यार होता है..

तुम तो बैठे हो
रक़ीबों की
बज़्म में बन के ग़ज़ल,
और मेरा मन
तेरी आवाज़ को तरसता है,
तुम ही कहो आख़िर
ऐसे भी कहीँ प्यार होता है..

तुम न समझोगे
बन्दगी साँसों की मेरी,
और मेरी धड़कन पे
तेरी चाहत का शोर पलता है,
तुम ही कहो आख़िर
ऐसे भी कहीँ प्यार होता है.

तुम भुला दोगे
हमें अगले ही पल
ये मालूम है हमको,
मग़र मेरी साँसों पे
बस तेरी
यादों का जोर चलता है,
तुम ही कहो आख़िर
ऐसे भी कहीँ प्यार होता है..

बेक़रारी बढ़ने
लगी है आज कल,
नींदों से दुश्वारी सी
रहने लगी है आज कल...

समझ आता नहीँ
कि क्या दर्द है मेरा,
बस उज़्र में बदहाली सी
रहने लगी है आज कल..

वो पूछ ते ही नहीँ
हमसे हमारा हाल कभी,
मुझमें उनकी ही
फ़िकरदारी रहने लगी है आज कल..

ज़रा सा उन्हें भी
मालूम होता हाल-ए-दिल,
क्यों सिर्फ मेरे ही दिल में
बेख्याली रहने लगी है आज कल..

वो सोचते भी नहीँ
ख़ामोश रातोँ में मेरा अक्स,
और मेरी रातोँ में
उनकी ही ख़ुमारी रहती है आज कल..

कब तलक यूँ
गुजारूँगा शाम तन्हा ही,
फ़लक तक उनकी ही
रंगदारी रहती है आज कल...

वो घबराते हैँ
मेरा ज़िक्र जुबाँ पे लाते हुये,
मेरी जुबाँ पे उनकी ही
नामदारी रहती है आज कल...

फर्क पड़ता नहीँ उन्हेँ
नामौजूदगी से मेरी,
मेरी प्यास में उनकी ही
तलबगारी रहने लगी है आज कल..

वो तो छोड़ देते हैं
अपनी ज़ुल्फ़ों को आवारा,
उसी फ़िक्र में मेरी
पहरेदारी रहने लगी है आज कल...

रूठे रहते हैँ हमसे
हमको आते नहीँ नजऱ,
रख दहलीज़ पे टकटकी
नज़रों में गमगुसारी
रहने लगी है आज कल.....!!!!!!

तमाम जुगनू चराग़ हो गये हैँ,
नींदों के मायने जबसे आप हो गये हैँ..

कुफ़्र सारे बेहिसाब हो गये हैँ,
आँखों के दरमियाँ जबसे आप हो गये हैँ..

रह-रह के कौंधती है मुझपे बिजलियाँ,
आसमाँ से ऊँचे मेरे ख़्वाब हो गये हैँ...

फबती नहीँ  रानाइयाँ मुझे शहर की,
रूह की परस्तिश में जबसे आप हो गये हैँ...

आयतें न आरजू कोई करता हूँ मैं ख़ुदा से,
कि इश्क़ में मेरे ख़ुदा भी आप हो गये हैँ..

फ़िक्र-ओ-फ़िगार मेरे लापता हैँ सारे,
तेरे नाम से हम जबसे बदनाम हो गये हैँ..

किसको-किसको न नकार डालूँ मैं,
जबसे हम तेरी बन्दगी को बेताब हो गये हैँ.

न शौक़ परिन्दों सी उड़ानों का रह गया मुझको,
जब से दायरे तेरी बाहोँ के गिरदाब हो गये हैँ.

बन्दगी ख़ुदा की बे-दार सी लगती है मुझे,
हसीं इश्क़ के मायने जबसे आप हो गये हैँ.

ये दौलत-ओ-शोहरत भला किस काम की मेरे,
कुछ देना ही है तो
अपने सुर्ख़ लबों की मेरे होंठो पे एक निशानी दे दो..

ये ताज-ओ-हरम की भला क्या मुझको जरूरत,
कुछ देना ही है तो
बिखरी ज़ुल्फ़ों के साये में लिपटी एक शाम दे दो..

ये दीन-ओ-ईमान की अहमियत भला मैं क्या जानूँ,
कुछ देना ही है तो
उनके गोरे हाँथो पे रची मेहँदी में मेरा नाम दे दो...

ये इत्र-ओ-शबाब का हुनर भला मैं क्या जानूँ,
कुछ देना ही है तो
उनके मखमली ज़िस्म की खुशबू में तर हमाम दे दो..

ये आराइश-ओ-रानाइयों का भला मैं लिहाज़ क्यों करूँ,
कुछ देना ही है तो
उनके बाहोँ की नक्काशी में मुझे आराम दे दो...

ये रौब-ओ-रुआब की क़ीमत भला मैं क्या जानूँ,
कुछ देना ही है तो
हर रोज उनसे मुलाकात का मुझको एहतराम दे दो.

ये शोख़ी-ओ-शबनम से भला क्या वास्ता मेरा,
कुछ देना ही है तो
उनकी हसरत में मेरी चाहत का एक अरमान दे दो..

ये इल्म-ओ-हुनर से भला क्या इत्तिफ़ाक मेरा,
कुछ देना ही है तो
उनकी चेहरे पे मुझे सोचकर एक इब्तिसाम दे दो...

ये गुल-ओ-बहार की भला क्या आरजू मुझको,
कुछ देना ही है तो
उनकी साँसों में मेरी साँसों को एक नया आयाम दे दो...

ख़ता मेरी ही है कि वो गैर हो गये,
कल तक जो आज थे वो बीता दौर हो गये

कैसे भूल जाऊँ तमाम पल वो क़ुरबत के,
वो रूठना - मनाना और शाद फुरकत के

हया की शोखियाँ उनके लबों पे कैसे आती थीँ,
शाम रँगीनियाँ लेके उनके शोख चेहरे से जाती थीँ

तारीफ़ ये कि उन्हेँ भी हमसे चाहत थी,
इश्क़ में उनके बेशुमार इफ़्फ़त थी

बला की सुर्खियाँ लबों पे ख़ुदा ने बख़्शी थी
ज़ुल्फ़ जैसे शब ने घनेरी चादरें ओढ़ रखी थी

उनकी अदाओं में अजब सी एक तल्ख़ी थी
नूर-ऐ-गुल में महज उनकी एक झलकी थी

जब वो छूते थे लबों से मेरी हथेली को
लगे कि रूह मिल रही किसी सहेली को

वो आती थी बारिशें सँग लेकर
घुल जाती थी मुझमें बस मेरी होकर

मैंने कभी वो इश्क़ न समझ पाया
न जाने कैसे वो चाहत मैं कहीँ खो आया

जैसे भर देती है
पतझड़ के बाद
सुखी टहनियों में
फुहारें नयी उमंग,
मेरे जीवन की
वही बारिश हो तुम..

जैसे साध लेती है
सुर गिरने के बाद
तान, कोई मीठी धुन
मेरे जीवन की
वही सरगम हो तुम..

जैसे लौट आने पर
भँवरों के
फ़ूलों में उमड़ता है
बेहिसाब मकरन्द,
मेरे जीवन की
वही सुगन्ध हो तुम.

जैसे जिन्दगी
बढ़ जाती है
घरौंदों की
शाम होते ही
परिन्दों के लौट
आने के बाद,
मेरे जीवन की
वही हक़ीक़त हो तुम..

जैसे खिल जाती है
कलियाँ
भोर की पहली
किरण की छुअन भर से,
मेरे जीवन की
वही ज़रूरत हो तुम..

जैसे रेगिस्तान की
तपती दोपहर को
मिल गया हो
किसी नदी का सहारा,
मेरे जीवन का
वही किनारा हो तुम..

जैसे अंधेरी
शामों को
चाँद की
गैर मौजूदगी में
रौशन कर रहे हों
जुगनू तमाम ,
मेरे जीवन का
वही चिराग़ हो तुम.

जैसे बसन्त की
एक बून्द
बुझा देती है
पपीहों की
उम्र भर की तिश्नगी
मेरे जीवन की
वही ओस हो तुम.

जैसे बना देते हैं
विशाल नदी
मिलकर छोटे-छोटे से
झरने तमाम,
मेरे जीवन की
वही धारा हो तुम.

I don't really know what exactly is hurting me. There are few people and few things that have gone bad, but I can't pick a person and say that I blame you. I have tried to ask myself, but all I get is that I am sad, for some reason. I get irritated by small things. I don't enjoy the things I used to enjoy earlier. I don't smile the way I used to smile. I feel that something is missing. Some part of me is lost somewhere. Some feelings of mine are lying bruised within my soul. I feel a darkness lurking inside me, but I sparkle in bouts of desperate attempts at happiness. It's almost as if I am screaming for help, without making any noise.

And then sometimes, I blame myself for being so emotional about the things other people just don't even care about. I hate myself for having a heart that is too pure in this soulless world. I have done so much for others. So when I find myself standing alone, fighting my own ugly battle, I do feel betrayed by all those people. I feel used. I feel like ****. And then I just want to say goodbye to all those people. You know, never talk to them, delete their numbers, or block them. I get almost ready to do it, but then I stop. I don't know why I stop. Maybe, I still want to give them a chance. Or maybe, I just want to see how much more they can hurt me.

I deserve better. I deserved more love, care, affection, and loyalty. And that's why it hurts when people just change. They still smile. They are still happy and proud. No trace of shame on their double fake face. They are still beaming as some sort of proud "pure soul", ah! the irony of black souled vultures. And to be honest, I just want to end this all. I want to trace all my pain and punch it dead with some reality-check and self-love. I mean, who wants to stay sad for people who don't even care? So, maybe soon, they won't be able to find me. Soon, the doors of my world will be shut on them, forever. Soon, they won't even exist in my universe. And, I mean all of them. You know, I don't need anyone. I am just so tired of this ******* and drama. Just, go away. I want to live, happy and alone. I am done with people.

:)

Letter

What exactly do you want from me?" She asked tenderly. Her eyes searching mine for an answer, compelling me to break my silence.

Me? I don't know. I've said that enough through my eyes but if you want me to put it in words so I'll explain it in the most obvious way. I want you. Your attention and your time. It's not that I'm some crazy psychopath dying to get an eye from you. I'm just a splintered soul who finds his solace in you.
I want to be with you. Either in person or just clung to your thoughts. I want to wake up next to you, to see your serene face shrouded with dim morning sunlight. I want to wake you up everyday differently. I want to giggle around you and to see you giggle with me, to let your laugh echo in my room of silence, sedating my soul, letting me feel vibrant.

I want to cook with you without thinking about our bad cooking skills. I want to twirl around you sheepishly while trying a hand in cooking recipes that are way beyond my capabilities. I want to sing dramatic duets doing salsa on our kitchen floor. I want you to make faces on having my delicious food and appreciate my horrible cooking experiments to save me from getting dull.

I want to have a garden full of roses and lavenders to water it with you and then playfully want to get indulge into some water fight against the green grass. I want to see your wet face with perfect smile laughing girlishly to let my head imagine how beautiful you must have been in your teenage.
I want to have pets with you. I want you to hold my hands to make me learn how to play with them touching their fur and befriend them without running from them. I want you to entangle your fingers with mine while crossing roads where I can barely open my eyes. I want you to cover me in crowd. I want you to hold me right to let me know you care. I want you to respect my tears knowing this heart of mine is fatuously emotional.

I want to sleep peacefully against your heartbeat, giving rest to the storms of my head if only you know I'm an insomniac with millions of mood swings. I want to ***** about how my workplace ***** and then rest my head on your shoulder crying myself to sleep. I want you to cover me up when I throw blanket in midnight. I want you to rest your head against mine to let me feel your warmth while asleep to fight back each witching hour of darkness.
I want to explore the world with you. That never meant to go on trips that are beyond our financial potential. I want you to wake me up in midnight to take us on some adventurous roadtrips to explore the fun we've missed while living and running this futile race of life. I want to drive insanely to scare the hell out of you. To go on long walks in cities of no recognitions and unknown faces. I want to go on adventure sports with you. Hiking up the mountains, diving skies and waters. Hence plunging deep in the ocean of togetherness.

I want you to surprise me on my birthday at 12 when I'm least expecting it to be remembered by you. To see you sing a happy birthday song and realise how horrible your croaky voice sounds. Yet the butterflies in my tummy flutters to show how elated they're to found you. To just get cute notes over fridge, desk and tv saying how annoying I'm and yet how my presence makes you feel alive. I want to have intellectual conversations about love, life and future yet I want to suddenly turn the table towards lame dance numbers. Dancing with you till my feet ache and breathing gets shallow.

I want to unravel secrets you've been concealing from this utterly judgemental world. I want to sit on rooftop at 2 am with you talking about how life must've origined and why death is scary. Admiring stars, moon and chattering about galaxies. Foremostly I would like to get lost in the galaxy your deep eyes allure me of.
I want to watch some over the top emotional movie and end up curling in your lap crying my heart out. I want you to pat my back and tell me how it's just a movie and my dumb head need to fathom out the difference. I want you to startle me with bitter truths rather than soothing me with comforting lies.

I want to lend an ear to your pain and smile in your contentment, I just simply want to be with you, till my breathes last and to make you feel whole with me. Holding your hands, fighting, reasoning, laughing, blushing and living I'm just a young mind with an old heart, heart which may not necessarily believe in clichéd fairy tales but wants to feel that corny romance, romance that's beyond age and time, time that binds our hearts together to make our own little infinity, infinity that entwines our dark souls conjointly.

I just want to get old with you, that's all I want.

I had been thinking of writing this to you  for so many days. I have always considered you as my dearest friend  and had always been silly in front of you.  But let's come to the root of the matter, why am I writing this ?

you see, throughout life, we meet one person who is unlike. The person you could forever talk to,  someone who understand you in a way that no one else does or ever could.  This person is your soulmate your best friend, and I'm really lucky to find that person  in you.

for all the things my hand have held, the best by far is you. I don't know when it all come to me, when I started to fall for you, but now you are the only person that matters. I admire you,  you seriously are so beautiful, Such a darling. And now I can't hide it anymore. it was afraid,  of the fear of losing you, that  this might go the wrong way, and with all the exam pressures on head, I didn't feel it to be the first idea. but love is an untamed force. when we try to control it, it destroys us.

when we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused. Samridhi, the very person I'm so lively always,  the owner of world's most amazing eyebrow,  and a true candid queen ,  I'm absolutely, completely love you. I have no reason as to why I love you, I just know I do. Not just parts or qualities of you, but you as a whole.  Every heart sings a song,  incomplete, until another heart Whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song.

At the touch of  a lover, everyone become a poet.  I don't expect anything in return. I knows expectations hurts this letter should not change anything between us.  I just want you to meet me with that charming smile of yours,  always, because  it makes me feel up, seeing an angel smile at me. I never was in a hurry, will never be in one. Take your time, yes no is all up to you.  I'm happy with whatever I share with you thank you. for being a special irreplaceable part of my life.

It's never easy to give up on a person you have invested so much of your time and emotions on. It almost feels like a sacred oath, in your own heart and soul. Whenever we are on the verge of giving up, that one moment of weakness in our heart makes us stay and suffer, more. You win so many night battles of You vs You, the battles in which you decide that enough is enough. But the very next morning, every time, you just feel breathless with your own decision and you go back to what breaks you, daily.

It all sounds familiar, doesn't it? You must have gone through it too, at one point in your life, at least. People treat you the way you allow them to. If you tell them that you want them, very badly, then they will note it down, somewhere in their shrewd little brain. So, the next time they treat you like **** and you complain, they will know that you are just barking around and will be back to them. You see, you gave them a license to treat you like ****. Come back to them, weak, once, and they will make your more miserable and weak, every single time.

Am I calling such people bad humans? No, I am just calling them humans, and humans are like that. They start taking people for granted. They don't value the thing that is always ready to be there at their feet. They start behaving as if they are doing a favor on you by just allowing you a space in their life. The things which they could not have done to you in the starting, now they do such things as normal. And you know how it becomes normal? Because you allow them to hurt you and stay. Because you don't walk away. You cling on to them, like a homeless poor puppy on the road. Yes, my dear friend, it's your fault.

The only solution is to walk away, hurt, broken, and wiser. You need to realize that things won't change. A person won't be hit by a guilt-lightning and start valuing you, one fine day. The choice is between staying there to be treated like **** and walking away to find your peace. And mind you, it's a hard choice, very tough one. You will feel lost and dead, for some time. Every night you would feel like going back, saying sorry for their fault. You will be miserable for some time, but there is just too much life ahead of you to not live some days as half-dead.

So, am I asking everyone to breakup and move on after a fight or two? No, fights happen. But nobody, no-*******-body, who loves you will make you cry for more than a day. Nobody who cares about you will let you rot in your own hell-in-head for a silly fight. That is not love, my friend. Love is when the other person understands and feels your pain. If they are making you suffer, daily, then walk away from them. They are wrong people. That is wrong love. You have a self-respect. You deserve better.

You get only one life. And that life belongs to you, first. Just because you thought it was perfect and just because you gave everything in that relationship, it doesn't mean it was good for you. Please, think. Please, accept. Please, take action. Please, live. And yes, love happens again. Don't worry. All that "love happens only once" is a ****** crap. And it can be more beautiful than your "perfect". All you need is one better person.