there are good days,
then there are bad days;
there are days that start out alright
but then they spoil, and i cry over them at night.
days when i realise there are still remnants of the pain,
ghosts of the past that cling to me, memories that remain.
it's so easy to bury them, you know,
yet it's so hard for them to let me go.
on days like these, i try so hard to be okay.
i distract myself with things that make me feel
as if the pain was never there in the first place,
i just wish that feeling could stay longer, be real.
04022021 / 1356
ilang taon na ang naka-lipas at wala akong naisulat na kahit na ano
sa lahat ng nangyari, sa lungkot, sa ligaya,
hindi ko magawan ng kahit simple lang na tula.
parang naubusan ako, para bang naubos ako.
pilit kong sinusubukan,
ngunit napagod lamang ako.
napagod piliting may maramdamang malalim,
sa mga panahong pakiramdam ko hindi ako karapatdapat makaramdam ng kahit ano.
ngayong sa aking pag-balik, nais kong maka-salubong ang dating ako.
sana sa panahong ito, mahanap ko muli ang sarili ko.
04012021 / 0438
i can still remember how i used to pick up a pen and paper,
and i would have so many things to say,
things that used to matter,
too much going on in a day.
04012021 / 0438
he says he loved her, but only as a friend;
she says she would still love him regardless, until the end.
she says she loved him way too much;
he says he loved her too, but not as much.
he says he tried to return the love she gave;
she says she was a martyr for love, and a slave.
she says she would never tire out;
he says he did not mean to just fool about.
she says he tricked her into giving all her love away;
he says she did it all on her own, that he didn't even have anything to say.
he says she suddenly vanished into thin air;
she says he became someone she could no longer bear.
she says he–the he she first met–had left her;
he says she–the she he knew best–turned out to be just like his mother.
she says she tried to stay with him;
he says she broke her promise–“through thick and thin.”
she says she still loves him, despite what happened three years ago;
he says he is not the same person she loved from long ago.
When somebody leaves and takes away all your bright and happy colors,
Why would they not take with them the blacks and whites and greys?
How could they bear to see you suffer with these sad and lifeless colors
When they could have just left you with nothing?
Isn't that even their purpose for leaving?
Why would they have to leave fragments?
And all you're left to do is see them,
Everywhere you turn, everywhere you look.
Longing for them, yearning for when they'd come back
Even though you know they won't.
Why would they want you to hurt if, in the first place, they loved you?
Or would that have been just something that slips from their lips
From time to time,
Said to every one,
originally about Z. written in June 2017. never published. 'til now. two years later. but now with the realization that he never left. but he isn't here anymore either. (｡•́︿•̀｡)
Life hits like a truck.
A thousand papercuts.
You've never left my mind
Not even after you left me in a pool of my own sorrow
Everyday I think, if only I could see you tomorrow
So many people have promised to love me the way I want to love you
So many people promising me to marry me and keep me forever too
But it's just not you
I miss you
I miss us
I miss the memories we made
Happiness is what I'm being given but I'm not accepting all of it. Because I'm waiting for you to give me the rest.
And I can't move on knowing we can never be okay again.
They aren't you. And no matter how amazing they are, I will always have you in my heart.