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i can recount the cuticles
on your fingers
like lullabies. like home.
And they spiral to your wrists
muscle and sinew dreams
that i can find rest between.
Then upwards to bicep and collar
bone corners, angled love. Curved
solace and icy water skin.
I want to sink
I don't want to be seen.
From darkness to darkness
  My mind laments
    A deep stirring
  Within the fragile
Substance that I now am

Midnight air is what I dream
  Midnight colors fill
    My thoughts
  Provoke a dull flash
As I pass into a deep sleep
"Hell is yourself and the only redemption is when a person puts himself aside to feel deeply for another person."

~Tennessee Williams
A shove
you push me across the line
I stumble forward a few steps
looking at you staring at me cross-armed
I back up, trying to cross back over to you
I bump into something solid
hard
the line has turned into a wall
I can't see you anymore
sometimes
if I look hard enough
I can see small holes forming
but they are too hard to get through
too small
I don't know if I would ever be able to reach your side again

You can't just shove me over here
in a new atmosphere, a new town, new people, new places,
nothing is familiar
and you toss me in here
like yesterday's trash
expecting me to mix
to fit in perfectly

*but what if I can't?
I recently moved, and only some will know when it gets hard. It is tough when you are just expected to fit in with the new group you're tossed into. It's really hard sometimes, and it gets you down and it's impossible to drag yourself out of your personal hole of misery. But I guess I can. It's hard. I'm not sure if I really could. Like a fantasy...
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