I am on pain management and everytime I take my pain pills I end up remembering my past in vivid images and sound. As if I am reliving my life day by day. I have a very vivid memory because I have savant syndrome causing me to have a super ability to recall my experiences. I can also draw from memory every tiny detail and structure. I don't know why I have this ability but I do know how I got it. I was born with Autism and a very high IQ. My brain is completely different than an average persons brain. My doctor's told me I have a complex and complicated brain. I also have the rarest blood type in the world, only 75 people have been reported to have the same blood type as I. I have been through testing as well as donated my blood, hair, and nails to clinics for studies to help save lives. I am pretty sure my blood has saved many people who needed transfusions. I give in private so people can't look for me. My mom helped me setup a plan when I first found out. My health care is really good too because of my rare health conditions. Though, one down side my blood cells doesn't have antibiotic properties so I can't get blood from other types besides my own. Also, I have different reactions to medication and my environment. Imagine going to the doctor and they take you into a private room to tell you you have the rarest blood type in the world and they want you to donate your blood and other things so scientists can study it. That happened to me at the age of 13 after I got very sick and I needed to get help. I almost died a year later when my gallbladder exploded. By the time I got to the hospital I was pronounced died so I had no time to get blood transfusion. I still came back 30 minutes later while I was being transferred to a private room. They were preparing my body so my family could say goodbye. I feel bad for the nurse who saw me **** up and yell, you idiot I don't want to go back. I was yelling at God for forcing me back into my life. I didn't want to come back. I felt like I was at home and my loved ones who passed away were there too. I got to see heaven and the opening to hell. I was taken to heaven through a bright light and I was greeted by family members and friends. I met one of the patients who passed away in the other room. I ended up going to her husband to tell him she was okay and she wanted him to keep living his life. He was very grateful for my message. I am still friends with him and his family. Also, I made plans to have tea with her on the beach in heaven when we meet again. My mom told me I should write a book and share my experience with the world. Maybe someday I will.

I lost a close friend of mine. We had a vigil last night. My boyfriend told everyone including me he would take me to the vigil. He later decided not to go after he promised to take me. I was able to get him to go. But before it ended he got up to leave. I am handicapped and need assistance and he promised to help me but he didn't. Later he said he wanted to go to bed and that's why he left. He was paranoid too. He singled out one of our friends and asked him if he was upset with him. When nothing happened to cause any upset. My boyfriend is an addict and schizophrenic, he's been dealing with his addictions since December 31 after he visited his dad. He didn't have any plans not did he keep his routine he built at home. He stole from me many times and lied a lot. He makes excuses instead of following the program he said he would follow. He's done nothing but abuse me. I am going to have to drop him. I can't keep dealing with his abuse. I've been through this before with him. Please pray for us 🙏. Also, I have lots a lot of loved ones in a short period of time. My grandfather passed away last month too. My boyfriend seems to be a heartless *******. My friends also have noticed his bad behavior. When your neighborhood is effected by your boyfriend's evil ways that is a big red flag you should break up with him and let yourself heal. It's not your responsibility to make anyone happy or care for them. Your responsibility is to yourself.

My love is suffering from addictions. I've learned to not trust him. It's sad that anyone would have to say that. Love should be a good experience not an abusive one full of broken promises. I've watched my love abuse himself and accuse me of cheating and other horrible things. I am not a dishonest fool not am I perfect. I am too busy meditating on God and dealing with my health issues. I've given him everything he needs to get help. He has support. I made sure of that from the beginning. I have to let him go. If he loves me then he would love himself too enough to get help and follow the program like everyone does who are in recovery. You can't change them or help them anymore than tell them they need help. It's a personal journey. I have my own life to live. I have to take care of myself and my cat.

My boyfriend is dealing with addictions. He went to his dad's house for Christmas and came back to abuse me and go backwards on his road to recovery. He keeps lying about it after he just went out to get a fix. He blocked me after I asked him why did he buy the items if you wants to be clean? That's a sign someone knows they are guilty. If you ask someone something and they block you without any reason, that's a guilty response. If they are honest they would answer the question without attitude. If you are honest why would you get upset instead of answering the question? Also, he said he wasn't thinking when he steals from me. Yet to steal you have to plan it. He left me on his couch while he was supposed to go to the store but a long the way he goes to my place to steal from me. I knew what he did because I have a sense I know someone is honest also I can see everything they do through their eyes as if I am dreaming. I can't explain it except for I know things that I don't need to be there to know. Like people's intentions I have the ability to see it. Also the way he stole from took a lot of thought. He even admitted it to me later after I told him he can't lie to me because I know. He knows I know. I am supportive of him but not his bad behavior. Please pray for him.

Good morning my fellow Poets.

I use to be called Gothic Muse by my goth friends back in my youth. I am still known as the Gothic Muse as well as Ashen Rose Darkly Written. I have written about roses a lot as well as Gothic themed poetry so it makes sense. I have suffered and I have loved, my poetry reflects my experiences.