i want it all.
your sleepy murmurs in my ear
as you drift away on a sea of dreams, the
gentle strokes of your fingers,
soft against my spine, the way
you hold me with your whole body.

i watched the moonlight draining onto
your bedroom walls as i lay beside your
slumbering warmth & felt something like happiness
radiating from my core.  your sheets danced with shadowplay
as i listened to your steady breaths
in & out,
couldn’t bear to slip away.

here’s the truth:
your arms feel like home,
like safety,
like a place i never want to leave.  
when you held me in that meadow,
wrapped in dreams & lust & a stark-flecked sky,
whispered the first i-love-you,
i wanted it all.

i want it all,
want to be yours,
crave you in the most indelible of ways,
urgent & deathless.
it’s finally time.  throwing out the razors.
cleansing the smoke from my lungs.
trading the bad habits i wear like shackles
to drown in your skin & sweat & sunshine.

maybe i don’t have a good reason for wanting it.
maybe i just know.

Legs pinched and yellow as ginger root
My hands like yams, and belly,
The whole of me looks plucked from the underground,
Topped with a thin sprig - enough hairs to count in an afternoon
Face pink as potatoes in the kitchen,
Eyes plain and brown.

A trip to the market yields a bag of onions
and whispers of the monster woman.
If I am a monster, I am a recluse
Curled around and polishing the opals that grow fat as melons inside me.

Cut, I do not bleed.
My veins only hold the roar of a thunder storm
Field mice find homes in the folds of my ankle.
The weather cannot be contained in my blood alone;
My open mouth stumbles like rain drops thucking in mud.
Angry, I howl sunlight.

I used to be a school yard socialite,
But was always twice as wide as tall,
And a careful turn would tumble three of my comrades
It wasn't long before they turned on me

Back then I thought that children were the cruelest creatures
All rocks and fierce joy,
But the mothers watched with condemning eyes,
And snarled.

I fell for you like the rain fell from the sky.
At first suddenly, then all at once.

I fell for you like the bolt of lightening.
Violently and strong.

I fell for you like the clap of thunder.
Loudly and fearfully.

You fell for me the way the way birds swim in the sea.
*That'd only happen in my dreams

You asked me what I'm running from
My response to u was nothing but a blank stare.
Maybe in my mind I think it'll make the problem disappear into thin air.
Emotions run wild, this feeling is new to me.
Hoping the day will never come that it stops being everlasting.
New beginnings, something u can't avoid, what happens when u feel  your heart is nothing but a toy?
That everything you ever hoped for was only fake joy?
To let u in and feel complete, almost feels unreal to me.
My heart is a playground, with my ongoing sentiments you make trouble.
Hoping you won't make my world crumble.
Yet at the end of the day I still want you there.
Does this sick game of love seem fair?
But life is uneasy you'll have me on my toes.
What happens when we both decide to fold?
You said the sun doesn't shine forever, but does this darkness have to last until the end of never?

Lets compare scars.
Mine are in my mind.
Yours are on your wrists.

Lets compare feelings.
Mine are trapped in a corner of my mind slowly chocking me inside.
Yours are plain to see, splashed on the art you left on your arms.

Lets compare thoughts.
Mine weave in and out of everything slow tainting my hope.
Yours are to much to handle so you bathe in your blood.

Lets compare hope.
Mine is that I can make it till tomorrow.
Yours is that you make it each minute.

Lets compare ourselves.
We’re both in pain.
But who will chose to show it?

Lets Compare Scars.
Who’s are worse?

Yours?
Or
Mine?

I went to Paris
and visited  the bookstore you always told me about.
I left my secret on the wall of notes

I miss you

Im so
overwhelmingly
wrapped up in you
I forgot myself