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Alexis Irvine Dec 2018
Love is an interruption to myself.
I cannot let love in anymore;
not for a while.
It hurts too much.
I can’t let you, or him, or anybody
dilute me.

Feeling whole feels so much better than love ever did,
feeling whole feels like a recovery from a drug I should have quit
a long time ago.
Alexis Irvine Nov 2018
you should never cry over a man.

1. Because a man will never make you cry
2. If he does, he’s a boy,
3. and in that case, you waste no time-

no tears,

just walk away and smile,

continue to thrive.
  Nov 2018 Alexis Irvine
I want my love for myself
To overflow
And I want my overflow of love
To seep over onto you
But for now
My cup is empty
And maybe you can sense
That I have nothing to offer you
  Oct 2018 Alexis Irvine
"But what if we're wrong?"
It was silent
But her thoughts echoed around in my head as we laid on top of her pickup truck
I swatted at the eighteenth mosquito chewing on my leg
I don't want this to be love

We were tangled up in the acoustic music they play on the radio on Sunday mornings
She was trying to dream up something clever to write about
And I was pretending I could learn to play guitar through osmosis,
As if blending myself in with the harmonies, finding her in every lyric, and sheer willpower would give me wings or at least magic guitar hands

She set the alarm, checked it over and over
She was not going to be late for her first day
I told her I'd be asleep when she got home, she told me she knew
I told her to wake me up

I wasn't looking for perfect
Perfect really only applies in first year physics courses
After that, we learn to fall in love with "rough around the edges" or "unique" or "unfinished"
As if their life is a puzzle that we need to complete
Just so you know, it isn't

She bought me breakfast and dropped me off
She used to tell me she loved me, but I know she didn't
She does now, so she doesn't have to say it anymore
When I said, "love," before, I didn't really mean it
Not like I mean loving the garden on the balcony of her apartment or thunderstorms in May
Even if I was a puzzle that she completed (and I'm not saying that I am), we didn't need any glue to fit perfectly
The support on this poem has been unbelievably incredible. I am so grateful for this community with all of these lovely people :)

Please comment :)
Alexis Irvine Sep 2018
I told myself
next time I’ll be colder
but here I am, feeling
the warmth all over.
Alexis Irvine Aug 2018
“Earth’s immeasurable surprise.
They could not grasp it if they knew,
what so soon will wake and grow;
utterly unlike the snow”

- Phillip Larkin.
Favourite poet.
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