You know that feeling in your stomach?
Not butterflies
The other kind
The kind that sits in your stomach
Almost
Like a rock
The kind you get
With guilt
And regret
Yeah
That feeling

Long days
Short nights
Fireflies float the dark sky
A breeze gently swaying trees
Stars glitter in formation
Smoke curly softly through the air
Sparks sending shivers through my spine
Summer

Hey
How are you?
Is heaven as good as they say?
I know you left me nine years ago
But, It was my birthday
So I thought I should write
Are there plenty of fishing holes?
How's Grandma doing?
I miss you.
I think about you all the time
I lay in my bed and think of all the fun we had
I miss you so much
I miss the way you smelled like strong coffee
The light scent of Grandma's tobacco
Your tan skin speckled with spots
Your silver hair
The watch that was twice the size of my wrist
The oil spots on your clothes
The dust on your boots
The grey plaid cowboy shirt
With the pearly snaps
How tall you were
Your hands held up against mine
Calloused and huge
But warm
Your raspy but soothing voice
The way you lifted me up
The way you read silly story books to me
Made me giggle like crazy
How you encouraged me
Gave me Catapillar trucks for Christmas
How immovable, and solid
You seemed
I remember the day you cam home with a broken leg
They don't know how or why you went
They said the brain
I say it was the heart
I miss you

I listen to Lost Boy
I sit
Halfway in tears
Remembering past times
Thinking about life
Last year
Sitting with my best friend
On the football field
Talking about music
As the sunlight kissed our skin
Running through the sprinklers laughing
Listening to the song
Talking about life
Where did you go?
I miss you.
I see you
But no longer know you
Longing for Peter Pan
To pick me up
Fly me away
To better times
Places
And my friend

Everything around me is gray
People phase in and out
Friends just kinda are there
Your family stands in the background
Like an old, grainy, black and white picture
Rain falls in time with your tears
Who can tell you're even there
Like a ghost you flit in and out of life
A spectator to everything
Participant in nothing
Life just seems...kind of bland

I think of Him
Of what He has done for me
He brought me up when I was down
He Comforted me
Never abandoned me
So this
This is my poem
Of Thanks