This is the poem I never gave you, I always promised I'd write you one but you left before I could. I could write about the way your freckles dotted upon your cheeks and nose were as numerous as the constellations, or how your wavy black hair was as captivating as the darkness of the black night sky. However, you are unlike the constellations, you are like the ocean, vast and deep but so close to us, yet vastly unexplored. Did you know we have explored more of the moon than we have of our own ocean? You resemble the ocean in that way, everyone always looks to the stars and revels in their beauty but overlook our very own deepness. You are like the ocean, you slipped through my hands like the ever-changing tide softly rocking against the beach. To bathe in your calming waters once again would quench my love for water for eternity.

if you don't go crazy at least once in your life


you will die in a crazy way......

My days seem to be longing someone.
My mornings feel like
I can't go back to anything anymore that I wanted before.
I've been writing about how I feel about a lot of things lately, I dont really know how to organize them.
I feel like meditation has really kept me from punching holes in the wall lately.
I feel like tripping has kept me from overthinking real situations, it's been a while though.
I've been keeping it natural.
There's so much more to everything, I feel like meaning is so expensive these days.
I've lost the concept of options.
These numbers are useless.
I've noticed the moment something catches a persons eye they pull out their phone instead of cherishing at the moment.
Swear words are becoming part of our culture now.
Your memory is worth more.
I'll doubt you if you're material.
Flexing thoughts and not what makes them that way with $20 on social media.
I was just playing around with perception, nothing serious.
I tried committing suicide in social media, but people worry too much and start hitting up my phone.
Funny how if you don't respond to a text they automatically think something is wrong.
Acceptance shouldn't be this easy, but all of a sudden it is for me.
Lately everything seems so spiritual, I'm glad I'm not overthinking things to a negative perspective.
Weekly tests just to give my mom some reassurance.
Trust is on it's way along with a motor.
I scrapped my knees, and this is really weird.
Can't really open up anymore, ears just hear and careness is absent.

I haven't written about anything serious lately. My mind is pretty occupied these days. I really don't know the reason behind MLA format, why deduct points because I didn't double space. I don't know, it's not so important. Everything is blurry sometimes, reality is pretty awesome once you get the hang of it. Winter is coming, I haven't really bought anything warm in a long time. I don't really regret diving into the ocean of psychedelics, I just think it was really stupid of me to get caught up in them. I'm walking by a group of adults smoking cigarettes, I love the smell. I don't really know why, but it reminds me of a lonely winter in a forest. Maybe one day I'll fully understand why I can never write about one subject at once. Until then, the art of life will be in the same paragraph with the art of death. I was reading this artical on the internet, and it said that the most natural way to die is to die the same way you came out from your moms wound; crying and covered with blood. I've thought of the many ways that could possibly happen, it wasn't that heroic. I'm remembering so much at the moment. I never want to feel any doubt, I've had enough of that. I just want to make people laugh with my stupidity, and have a lot of ***. I love sharing thoughts with people, but sometimes I love the satisfaction of being the only one that has access to them. I stopped relying on people this year, I feel different. My priorities are starting to get together throughout time. Keep my heart baby, keep my heart. I found love finally. I used to be buried in whatever feeling that was when we stared at eachother. Although I will never face it, everything I love is going to leave me one day, and that's just real **** I'll say with no doubt, but what's the point? I will always feel for eveything.

Life's hack's a pill
Fall back for a minute, what's the deal?
Building love in a still
Sharing love on the web instead of showing care in the real
Burning bridges and we build
Overtime I lose the guilt
Can't enjoy if the worries are the bills
Spending time making things better, by the little

im with *****
Making millys
acting silly
im playing... our pockets empty and we smoking bleezy
selling acid
minds are gold never plastic
yeah we trappin never nappin
summer 13 *******, thats old news, no clue
nbs and fitted i dont need to boost
plain white t's, no j crew
this me, i never knew, killer kush, ***** im never blue
checkin ******* out, i always disaprove
ridin ***** with our one seaters
pop a heater if ****** being nosy call em peter
5'6 ***** eater wearing beaters never beat her but i beat it, so much head i need a breather
****** is talking puppets watching budget always cautious ***** ****** and they mullets looking stupid
floosy girls loose since theyre dad left theyre missing screws

Just like that my words will mean nothing.
Just like that I'll be lost in innovation, the clouds of social media.
Forgotten in mentions.
A "used to be" in the threads.
Isolated in the beautiful and in the cruel.
Is losing interest growing up?
Or just regrets later on?
Lost cause turning into false hopes?
Is the $100 off your weekly check really worth seeing patterns for 12 hours?
It doesn't look like the gold can rust, so I can't.
These words are an aliens slang.
These cars are my childrens junk.
My smile is used for deceiving the teachers.
A blessing to the world, a curse to the law.
Holding on to feelings, letting go to the patterns on your hand.
Pixels of the past seem so 10 years ago.
Looking at the end of time while I look at my burgundy carpet.
Running away from the stars like running from what used to be.
Nights are shallow all together.
Swallowing gulps of saliva while I grip my sheets, I'm sinking in Ralph Lauren.
Testing my patience like if forever was actually real.

How do we slowly die again and again and again?
How do we seperate from ourselves repeatedly?
Why do my tears never feel new?
They're the same every week, every few days.
Maybe my love isn't enough.
Maybe my motives are lost.
Maybe I'm letting go.
Maybe my thoughs are wandering to parts they dont belong.
When have my intentions ever been wrong?
Why do I feel so sad about us?

I woke up and felt like I needed to sleep more
But I could not
I woke up and nothing really mattered, it ***** how I have to look through things and see their worth the same way I saw them the night before
I feel like people think a little bit more than they feel
I feel a tornado in my head moving around my thoughts, but they're still intact
I have business ideas, but I have no idea where to even look for help
I dont give a **** from 7am all the way until 3am
My pictures are lame I just take what I like
My followers on insta are thirsty and so is your girl
My friends don't care about the government
My brother makes $37 an hour
My dad still lies to my face even though I'm already grown
My mom doesn't have faith in God like she claims to have
I'm coming back from a bike ride even if the worst happens
My motives were women but the clock keeps going even when you feel a still in your character
I couldn't care less about Benjamins
The faces keep piling but I'm still looking for sales
I mean how can people be so Texas weather when you only feel love for them
I mean 90 degrees to below freezing is a such a hard pill to swallow
My high is drained in cups of liquor I never sipped
My system clean, whistles aren't so clean
And I hope to be on your hit list

My dad dug his foot into my back like a shovel breaking soil.
If I do enough push ups, can I put a smile on your face.
If I move the earth for you, will meteors stop me.

I carried sparklers in my hands while cannon-kisses erupted in the sky,
and my cousin swore that I'd hurt myself.
But I explained to him that history repeats itself,
and that my hurt is unavoidable.

Like the hug of a grieving grandmother,
and the staring off into space,
as her tears stain my white oxford lie.
There's no way to get out of this place.
Finding new ways to live in death.

I don't want to be cool. I don't want to be cool.

And her fingers left a ******* on my back.
And my mouth melted onto hers.
I love her until my eyes **** in sleep.
And it's deep. And it's deep.

The swirl of the ceiling sank down
like a child being drowned by his mother.
And I missed my brother, and I missed it all.

I don't want to be cool. I don't want to be cool.
No, not anymore.