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  Feb 2018 Leyla Siraj
David Bojay
Love doesn't inspire me as much anymore
The moments come
But I was never good at writing down lovely moments
I think mistakes happen only after it all goes to ****
In the moment it seems like the roses have bloomed, and you feel like they'll never die
The spaces of quietness don't seem special anymore, as much
I still see beauty in the moment, but maybe not with the person I'm experiencing them with

If love came and went, I shouldn't worry about losing anyone

But that's what the meditating is for
I'm only human.... sometimes the feelings seem real
I guess that's what made me write this in the first place
Acting this poem out would just mean distancing myself from her
But I'll create the distance with this poem inside my mind

And wait for something to change my mind

Sometimes.... I can be confusing
****
Leyla Siraj Nov 2014
I'm waiting for the bus in front of a Jamaican club.
I'm tired.
A little high.
I smell like cigarettes.
I'd rather be chillin with you.
Leyla Siraj Oct 2014
everyday I find something new about myself
everyday I realize I don't even know myself as well as I thought
and that's one of the beauties of being young
because through everything, I'm given the freedom to reinvent myself
I'm given the freedom to find myself, without losing myself
  Sep 2014 Leyla Siraj
David Bojay
Just like that my words will mean nothing.
Just like that I'll be lost in innovation, the clouds of social media.
Forgotten in mentions.
A "used to be" in the threads.
Isolated in the beautiful and in the cruel.
Is losing interest growing up?
Or just regrets later on?
Lost cause turning into false hopes?
Is the $100 off your weekly check really worth seeing patterns for 12 hours?
It doesn't look like the gold can rust, so I can't.
These words are an aliens slang.
These cars are my childrens junk.
My smile is used for deceiving the teachers.
A blessing to the world, a curse to the law.
Holding on to feelings, letting go to the patterns on your hand.
Pixels of the past seem so 10 years ago.
Looking at the end of time while I look at my burgundy carpet.
Running away from the stars like running from what used to be.
Nights are shallow all together.
Swallowing gulps of saliva while I grip my sheets, I'm sinking in Ralph Lauren.
Testing my patience like if forever was actually real.
Leyla Siraj Jul 2014
you said I was clever, original, and inventive 
thinking the future with imagination saw the world with rose colored glasses

now you say I am naive 

lack experience, and judgment
daydream to much

unrealistically aiming for perfection that I need to grow-up
why do you build me up, make me feel loved
is it only to bring me down
Leyla Siraj Jun 2014
Lets get coffee on a random Wednesday afternoon in the middle of Summer.
We can sit for a hour and complain about why coffee cost so much, or talk about our favorite music and then travel downtown
because there is nothing to do
you can show me your whole vinyl collection
I can teach you how to slow dance or something
and instead of forcing conversation, when we have nothing to honestly say, we say nothing…
and we enjoy it.
  Jun 2014 Leyla Siraj
David Bojay
Tiresome, both rowing the boat with much force, never knowing how long it take for them to reach the shore, she made a mildly funny statement, “our tears have probably increased the amount of water in the ocean..”. It’s been 4 months since they've been lost in the ocean, in the middle of nowhere. They’d stare at the blue skies daily, hungry? Yes, when both of their stomachs growled they glanced at each other and said, “Love requires you and I, not money, nor food, not anything, just you and I, you being here to experience my pain and happiness is more than enough”. Everything in the world could be reducible, but their love was infinite, they could never understand what love was, nor did they ever want to. Sunsets were still so beautiful, morning stretches were still required, and they were tense less because they never wanted to feel crunched and moody. Good nights were still vital; kisses were still heavenly, rich in thoughts, always tranquil, hardly any infliction. They needed no therapist, the sky was always there to hear their loudest cries, they needed no music, the waves crashing kept them sane, and when they were silent they’d listen to each other breathe. They did nothing but enjoy their company, smiling at each other is what they did mostly, they didn't know what being hopeless was, they were each other’s hope. Night skies consisted of shooting stars, they only wishes for another day to live and survive with each other because that’s all they ever needed. They’d come up with little stories for entertainment, laughter was never absent. Sometimes thoughts are better spoken than written, that’s how it was for them. They didn't have to read each other, a glance into each other’s eyes unlocked their thoughts and desires, both consisted of one another, they never knew when they’d reach shore, but what did know was that they were born to die in each other’s arms, whether in the ocean, or somewhere in a mountain range. Night came, the sky was filled with stars, and he thought stars were a reflection of her glistening eyes he often lost himself in. He awoke one morning hungry as usual, but still smiled because he knew he was about to look into the eyes of his love. He thought he had become blind, because she was nowhere in sight, panic ran through his veins, his bones weakened. He yelled and yelled at the sky, at God, asking where did he take her, why did he take her, why would he take his only happiness, the questioning became severe he couldn't find the words he was trying to say, and his beliefs began to disappear. She had fallen into the depths of the sea during their sleep, his soul was empty, and without it he could never look at anything without adding a meaning only he knew. Sea shells didn’t sound like the ocean anymore, coast to coast his chants overpowered the splashing waves, what hard did he do to God for him to do such a thing.. He slept for days, and his cheeks had a salty taste to them because of the tears. He wasn’t sure if it was an illusion or an imaginary place up ahead, but he could see the shore. Keeping a straight face, he pulled himself together with his heart full of hopelessness and took a deep breathe of the fresh air. He knew that it wasn’t his destiny to make something of himself in the world of opportunity and find more forms of happiness. He took a glance at the ocean and walked away from it, from home. The second he turned around regret covered him like the ground in a forest during fall. He turned around knowing he’d never see land again, he took a step forward towards the ocean and felt the sand swallow his feet as if they wanted him to stay. He knew it was his destiny to find her whether in this world, or the other, he knew he’d see her again. He had brought nothing but little hope that he was building up in his soul on the boat. Spending his hope daily, he knew he’d go broke. She wasn’t in sight and his destiny began to depend on death. One night, more than usual he began to question God and the plans he has in store for him. He asked God if he has plans for him to take his life away by himself, the emptiness in his soul was like a lung without oxygen, there was no way he could keep going... On the ledge of the boat where he was standing he heard voices coming from the ocean, the voices felt like a rope pulling him in, they must have known the reason why he was debating to jump off. The voices in the ocean had felt the emotion through the tears that have dripped in it. From all the voices, one sounded distinct and loud, it was asking, “Why are you doing this? Why are you questioning the destiny I have for you?” He responded saying “To take her back from you, if your destiny requires pain, I don’t want it, and I’ll find her and make my own.” Without hesitance he jumped off and for that while, the ocean was filled with reason.
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