It is considered weak to commit suicide
A terrible waste
The gift of life squandered
Keep on fighting
Never back down
You hear it every message movie and whatever's

But does anybody
I mean anybody even try
To understand the why?
Why would someone want to **** themselves
What could have happened to push them over the edge of sanity?

People don't just go around killing them selves for ***** sake
We're not some warped version of hidan following some killing cult called jashin

There is always a reason

What do I live for?
I have asked myself this question so many times I've lost count
And almost 90 percent of the time
I could find no answer
No reason to keep breathing
To keep living

Yet inside I've been dead
Emotionally dead
Not in a way that I feel nothing
Feeling nothing is a luxury I crave for
The problem is I feel too much
And I feel it killing me literally
Bit by bit

How do you live
When the very people you love treat you like the filth of the street
How can you keep going on
When every time, they break you
With their cruelty
Their words driving knives that keep digging into you flesh
Their bodies attacking you to a point where the slightest touch of flesh fills fear in your heart

What makes it worse is the bi polarity of it
Those rare moments of niceness terrify me more
It confuses me
It makes me believe that its all my fault

My fault that I'm hit
My fault that I'm filth
My fault again that they hit me
They do it because they love me they say
And as imperfect human beings their love is bound to have faults

But is it fair to me?
They have turned me into what I am
And now they hate what I've become
And what can I do?
All I ever asked for was to be loved
To be believed in
I'm not perfect either I've made one too many mistakes

But if you couldn't forgive
If you couldn't love
Then why in the world would you procreate?
Why the hell would you bring a child into this world if you couldn't love her when she grew up

You used her to vent your frustrations
She was blamed as the source of all your worldly problems
You hit her to feel better about yourself
Destroyed her will to strengthen your own
And when she cried
When she was in the corner shivering and fearful
You put a warm hand and comforted her
Told her it was her duty to bear it without complain

You drove her to insanity and back everyday
Used her trust to mock her
About the very things that broke her

And now finally
Two whole decades later
She has become nothing
Just an empty shell of what she used to be
Colourful butterflies don't spring out of papers when she moves crayons across them
Dark moths and evil sinisters arise instead
Drawing her into their dark feeling less hearts

This is her life
This is her story

And then they wonder why a girl from such a good family killed herself
Surely a bad egg was she

Her poor poor parents.

"No Gods. No Masters."*

Thursday last while
driving to the convenience store
I was pulled over by a local policeman.

It was midday. I wasn't drunk,
****** or driving recklessly.

He approached my car.
I rolled the window down.

He asked to see my papers.

I asked why.

He said just a "random traffic check."

I asked randomly checking for what.

He told me there was no need
to get belligerent.

I said I wasn't belligerent.

I said I was a free American
who lived in a country
where stopping people randomly
violated the Fouth Amendment
of the Constitution.

He asked again for my papers

I said not until he told me
for what probable cause
I had been stopped.

He said nothing, took a step back.

I asked him if I was under arrest
or being detained for arrest.

He said no.

I said I would be going then,
rolled down my window
and drove away,
being careful to signal.

He glared but did not follow.

Oh my sick and sorry America,
look what you have become.

He expected me to cower
before his uniform.

He was surprised when I didn't.

Never show fear to a cop or a dog.

He wasn't there
to serve and protect
but to harass and intimidate.

He was nothing but a ****
hired by the money that owns us.

Our police are beginning to act
like an arrogant, occupying army.

Let them beware and remember
what Thomas Jefferson said,

"The tree of liberty
must be refreshed
from time to time
with the blood
of patriots and tyrants."

Sometimes poetry can murmur gently,
but sometimes it must howl in rage.

I refuse to be occupied,
harassed or intimidated
by hired thugs and gangsters
in black uniforms with tin stars.

I want my country back.
I will have my country back.
I am not alone. There are many.

Let Officer Friendly consider:
There will come a reckoning.
The tree will be watered again,
even if it takes rivers of blood.

  ~mce

There's nothing new
about this song
it's all been sung before
I'm just a broken soldier
bleeding from an ancient war

When I came home
there were no crowds
no bands for me did play
I slunk back like a refugee
And now I'm here to stay

Every door
was closed to me
no woman and no lover
to take my hand  to comfort me
to lead my heart to cover

You found me like
some fallen bird
you took me home and said
I feel this pain you carry
now come with me to bed

You took me in
you eased that pain
and soothed me in your arms
outside I heard the sirens scream
inside I learned your charms

You tried your best
to heal my wounds
to get me on my feet
but guilt was far too much for me
I left you for the street

I live alone
in poverty
I guess I'm here for good
there are no saints or saviors
in this fallen neighborhood

But listen to me
if you please
I need to hear your name
to know I'm not completely lost
upon these streets of pain

It's cold it's dark
I'm fevered and
I'm lost in bed alone
I never was much good at love
too weary to the bone

I need to kiss
your shining eyes
but you are far away
and I am caught so far from you
upon this lonely day

You were much
too good for me
my dark relentless lies
too good to see the enemy
within my felon eyes

I thank you
for your comfort
your body and your heart
the way you shared your bed with me
forgave me from the start

There's nothing new
about this song
it's all been sung before
I'm just a broken soldier
bleeding from an ancient war