You stumbled into my life like the savior i was hoping for.
I was too blind to see it and thought you were crashing down my door.
I was drowning in a sea of misery, all you were trying to do was save me.
You brought a light into my eyes, and still all i ever did was hide.
If only my mind wasn't such a mess.
I would have gave you my best, nothing less.
Although most of my memories are fragments of the past, i can vividly remember the joy you cast.
Without you here, nothing is clear.
I'm falling deeper into this hole, fear that i'm losing my soul.
I don't want pity. I guess it just kills because you don't miss me.
But your absence from my life doesn't stop me from wondering about what a life with you would be like.
I'm only a shard of who i was before, so i don't blame you for closing the door.
Yes, i'm still lost, but my heart still beats for you.
And i doubt you have a clue.
But, i hope all your dreams are coming true.

I was on the brink of entering the valley of darkness.
I lay there screaming your name as they were trying to revive me.
Everything went dark.
All but the memories of you.
I slipped into the unknown for a few moments, and awoke to the people who had been working to keep me here.
Question after question, I had no recollection.
When i was finally released they wanted to erase you from my mind, from my reality.
It seemed they had succeeded.
Maybe time isn't on my side, but i remember enough to miss your presence from my life.

Lately I feel like i've been in an endless game of snakes and ladders.
The snakes keep pulling me down.
Maybe it's all in my mentality.
Either way i'm not too keen on this reality.
I'll climb a little higher, only to get dragged lower than before.
But how do I end this vicious circle?
The path is blocked.
And everything i was before is standing in the way.
But i don't want to go back to my old ways.
I'm just trying to move forward and feel okay.
But i'm sick of having no one and living in this place.
If i could i'd just go without leaving a trace.
But when you're as lonely as me, it's hard to see what's supposed to be.
So i'll keep trying to climb, hoping the snakes won't push me into taking my life.

I used to mask the misery with anything i could get my hands on.
Molly, *****, whiskey. But i guess it never really worked out for me.
Don't get my brand wrong, i don't fit into any crowd anyway.
Forever an outcast, dwelling on the past.
Trying to find my worth.
Undeserving of this earth.
But my legs are broken and my soul is bruised.
I don't know who i am, or what i should do.
All i've ever wanted was stability.
It seems it's out of my ability.
The only consistent pattern in my life, is crumbling into pieces and pretending everything's alright.
If only i could find a light, i could make my way through all of these long nights.
It was always love that kept me going.
Been alone for so long and this emptiness won't stop growing.
How can i fill the void?
I feel like an old toy.
Always being passed along or misplaced.
Just hoping to stumble onto a new lover's face.
I guess it's no use when you feel mostly dead inside, so maybe it's better if i continue to hide.

It's like i'm trapped in a prison.
Is it because i know too much?
Or not enough?
Maybe my life is just some sick joke.
The only thing keeping me going is hope.
But what am i even hoping for anymore?
In the past it had always been love.
But then you got into my veins.
Baby, i'm falling for your masquerade.
I don't know what you're giving me here, and i don't know why.
But lately you're the only thing that's been on my mind.
In a way i think i might need you.
But i would only make things hard, and i wish we could've had more time.
You tried to help save me, and in my ignorance i did the only thing i knew how- to let the demons on my side.
But if i could take it all back, i wouldn't hesitate to gain all the things that i lack.
To try to get on your side, maybe then neither of us would have to hide.

It feels like this is all a game.
But i can't do it alone.
Every time i seem to catch up, i get cast out all on my own.
Would you be there if i called?
I know i'd try my best to help if you ever fell down.
Am i at the bottom again?
This time is worse than before.
I can't tell if it's an even score.
Something tells me i was born to lose.
Can't tell if i should find love, or the truth.

So here i am, deconstructing my bones in this alcohol fueled haze.
Looking for a chance to feel wanted.
Only to be thrown aside like a wilted flower.
Longing to be something more than just the woman to get you through the night.
I was never about these blurry nights.
But i do what i can to try to get you out of my head.
Your among almost every one of my thoughts.
And i can't get the taste of you out of my mouth.
Fixed on the idea that maybe one day you'll change your mind and come back for me.
And we can live like lust ridden lovers.
But until then i'll continue to keep the bottle close to unravel the mess of my mind.
And use their warm embrace to feel like there's still hope for me.

There is a painful vacuum
Not a naked desire but still
A longing unfulfilled
That hollows the soul
It is why babies wail
Why old men wake crying
From beginning to end

We evolved to be touched
Skin on skin does not need to be
A ****** frenzy
A hug, a handshake
And pat on the back
Or a hand on his shoulder

The old man waits
The silence of isolation breaks
Oxytocin rushes through his system
Rebooting forgotten feelings
Restoring diminished capacities
It does not return all abilities
But enlivens deadened synapses
Yes it is very cerebral

Without it we wither away
Stewing in mental and physical decay
So, have you touched someone today?