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 Jun 2018 Julie Mullins
Barker
I lay outside in the sun,
Soaking in the warmth of the sun.

It is hot out,
But I still feel cold.

I’m cut off by the world around me,
The distance between my mind and reality is increasing rapidly.

Soon I will just be a hollow shell,
My mind lost in the past and the future.

I need you to bring me back to reality,
I need you to bring me back to you.
(C)ibarker
 Jun 2018 Julie Mullins
Barker
The joy and the chaos,
The demons we're made of,
I'd be so lost if you left me alone,

You locked yourself in the bathroom,
Lying on the floor when I break through,
I pull you in to feel your heartbeat,
Can you hear me screaming "please don't leave me"?

Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you
Let me take your hand,
I'll make it right
I swear to love you all my life

A long endless highway, you're silent beside me
Driving a nightmare I can't escape from
Helplessly praying,
The light isn't fading
Hiding in the shock and the chill in my bones

They took you away on a table
I pace back and forth as you lay still

I don't wanna let go
I know I'm not that strong
I just wanna hear you
Saying baby,
Let's go home
(c)ibarker Hold On
 Jun 2018 Julie Mullins
Barker
Is it really worth it?
Does loving you out weigh the cons?
You mean everything to me.
But I have these voices in my head
Telling me it's wrong.
These voices make me second guess everything.
I don't know.
What if I'm doing something wrong?
What if you don't really love me?
What if I'm just fooling myself?
...
What if you're just playing with me?
I've had my heart played with before.
What if this is all just set up for heartbreak?
I can't withstand another break up.
What if?
...
These voices keep me up at night.
I can barely sleep.
Sometimes I don't sleep at all.
I just lay awake thinking of all the possibilities.
I can hear the voices telling me that you don't like me.
I can hear them saying things that I know aren't true.
But they make me doubt everything.
I don't know what the truth is anymore.
And that scares me.
(c)ibarker
 Jun 2018 Julie Mullins
ryn
I deliberate.
I contemplate.
I procrastinate.

Then I write in ink...

In the hopes
of capturing
all that swims unruly
and speaks in runes.
These words that line the page
I've breathed bled and felt
Cut myself open on the edges
Spilled
Poured  
Knelt
Built up with the highs
Come
down
with
the
lows
Set words from chapters of spirit that only truly knows
Shelled out from the hollows
Pulled out from the veins
Dredged
deep
from
pits and gallows
Sprinkled
down
from
soft summer
rain
Meaning has come from places I wouldn't want to rewrite again
The poetry more than just a verse it's the healing to live
with this pen
A girl. Saddened.
But her insurance won’t pay for the shrink anymore.
Cause her mama got married, to a man that’s never round. A man that had too, lived in this sleepy town.
Don’t forget about her friends,
the ones that barely exist. The ones that taunt and tease her, the ones with balled up fists.
Even though some try, they never stick around. They always give right up on her and it’s often caused her to frown.
Forgetting to take her meds always,
because she’s just a kid. Meds for her health, but is she even sick?
Good golly gracious, she says that a lot. When things go wrong or she finds her self in an unlucky spot.
Hello, I’ve cried today. The normal, red eye look, thank god it was all over a midnight sun book.
I can’t believe the girl, the one she used to be. With the cute blonde curls, and happy family.
Just wait a minute. Let me talk to you,
stick around to read this thing and maybe you’ll learn too.
Keaton, that’s her last name, a gift from her dad. The perfect man that helps her remember the good times she’s had.
Listen very closely. I’ve lost my will to speak, lost my want to fight because I’ve gotten weak.
Mama’s always gone, all of the time.
She’s never even around to read my HePo rhymes.
No, even when she’s here, I’m all alone.
She’s locked up in her room, or on that telephone.
Oh what I’d give to take a trip on back.
To take a stroll amid my young past.
Papa (grandpa) was always rude
telling me I was “fat” and needed to eat less food.
Quit the shouting please, I don’t want to hear. These voices that are screaming deep within my ear.
Recount all your blessings, hold them close to you. Because the news of someone else is too bitter to be true.
So here I am in bed, tears soaked into my pillow case, leaving trails of salty flames down my ugly face.
To tell the truth, I’m blessed with a roof over my head, but haunted by the monsters that don’t live under the bed.
Unless something happens, and someone’s put on mute, I’ll keep hiding from those mean old things and continue to give you the scoop.
Very real and scary, showing their teeth.
They look okay on the outside, but it’s whats lying underneath.
Well I guess I could tell you a tiny bit more, but there’s a person watching, maybe outside my door.
Yes I’ll stay alive and yes I’ll talk to you.
I really need to thank poetry for helping me get through.
O.K
 Jun 2018 Julie Mullins
Cné

Rivers of darkness
Flow deep beneath earth's surface
In viscous currents

When I feel that first tipsy running through my veins.
 Jun 2018 Julie Mullins
Cné

On the tips of toes
Long necks stretch to kiss the sun
Sultry Sunflowers

 Jun 2018 Julie Mullins
Cné
~
Hold my hand and persuade the way
tell me all you want to say
~
Whisper softly in my ear,
all those things I want to hear
~
Kiss my lips and touch my skin
bring out passions deep within
~
Draw me close and hold me near
eradicate my pain and fear
~
In the darkness of the night,
shine your beacon, be my light
~
In the luster of the sun,
demonstrate you are the one
~
Offer me wings so I can fly
and I will soar when you're nearby
~
Infilrate my heart, break the wall,
it's time for me to let it fall
~
I've been a prisoner, extensively
Break my chains and set me free
~
Strip me of my armor tight
this time I won't put up a fight
~
Release my soul held deep within
For you’re in my heart where love begins

~
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