As the sun sets and reflects on the ocean,
My deepest thoughts come alive,
As they take a dive,
Into oblivion,
thoughts about life, and a love I’ve never had,
That I deeply know will hardly come true,
Surface out of the blue,
I’ve been sad for quite some time,
Cant relate to others,
So why even try,
This world, a cesspool of hate and torment,
Dark shadow known as depression,
One of the strongest, of all oppression,
Covers me like a blanket,
Yet I’m still as cold, as cold as the deep blue sea,
Trying to be the best me I can be,
Searching for warmth under this sun that appears to be setting,
How beautifully dreading

I know I've felt happy lately
But you don't see how close
The darkness really is
Threatening my neck with every step

I am ashamed of what I've done
To you and others alike
But that's why I'm trying to change
It's why I'm growing into a better person

Believe it or not
Worrying too much about others is
At least in part
Why I've hurt so many people
I try to save these broken people
But I hurt them more in the end
Because I was listening to their desires
Without thinking about myself
Without realizing what I truly feel

Trust me for once
It isn't easy to live this life
I am not proud of my past
I am not proud of my choices
But I really am trying
I really am changing

I know you think it's too late
But there's nothing that could change
The fact that I hurt you this bad
All I can do is learn from my mistakes
And stop myself from hurting anyone else

Because even though I'm happier these days
I still hate myself for what I've done
You think I'm standing on the bones
Of the lovers who I've hurt
Just to get myself ahead
But those skeletons live in my mind
And they're not tucked nicely away in closets
They're scattered in unexpected places
Drowning me in endless flashbacks
Burning the skin where they've touched me
Their goodness destroyed by my darkness
Those memories destroy me
But I'm trying to get better

And since I can't change the past
That's all I have to hold on to

Elvie my dark Lord
Magic is not real
We feel till can't feel
Or we numb what Is real
Burn my roses
Lick my ashes
Make myself disappear
Part of me feels like it isn't here
Time and space
We're drifting at bay
Though you cannot stay
Elvie my dark lord
Can't we play?

I am more than the;
Sun in the skies
Moon at night
Stars that twinkle so bright.

I am the waters;
Gives life to everyone
An overflowing pity
Of someone who's under her blankets
Who hugs her pillows in her chest
And curses the book under her breath.

I am more than the blue
Bluer than the skies,
Bluer than the seas
But is more red than blood.

These words pour out of me,
Like wine slowly pours into a crisp glass,
I exhale the smoke