Call it a catch-22, cause I've caught catharsis, and my conch shell has run out of clues
I've been eating away the cost of everything I pick and choose
Why is the coast so blurry, every time I'm taking my midday cruise
Trying to metabolize my surroundings, but all the people around me are just empty calories, even the closest few

They're all cheap, cheeky, circuited *****
That's why I've trained myself to be calloused, bruised, collected, and blunt
But you cannot make yourself all that you want to become
You can only intend, to spend, your chronic currency to coherence
I burn my pockets so I don't have to carry your candle
I'd rather be illuminescently bent, then hiding my head beneath a tent
With your boyscout projects, and afro-engineered beligerence
But I will be your calm cashier, I will take your money if you need to conquer your fears
And I do concur, slur your slew of words, I know you're just holding back the real tears
Beneath that cartoon cardigan and cyan crew
You're the carpenter, you didn't have to just paint every part of your body in denial and blue

I know you are the way you are, you don't choose
Somewhere deep in my cynical carcass I know you don't have to choose
Sometimes it's not what you choose
But sometimes it's who

Look deep in the culture of narcissism
You cocky carpenter, you have more purpose then simple cytogeny
Cut into your carcass and pull out something new

Skidding across green waters
Feet like projectiles
Mind seas of the west Nile
Delta ideas pouring through sands as they falter

Yes, I'm a bit troubled
The belief is there is no beliefs to be had
But only ideas passed and doubled
Lock it away in your brainsafe, lad
Can't do it when I'm the only one with the code
Lost in the winter and the cold huddled
It's the only pain killer I have

Everybody's picked apart in here
Not prejudice but constantly pre judging
I'd like to think it's a weapon for self defense
Break it down till everyone's predictable
Condense, haven't had a break from these thoughts since
I forced all those sheep over the fence
Hence all I can do is dream, attempts

Dilute me and drink me up, everything I do  is to cover up
Muffle your voice with brain noises, passive aggressive shut the **** up
I wanna know you, but first I need to know me
It's your turn, tell me how guilty you are
Tell me about who you are under all of your scars

I wish you'd make me do everything you didn't want to do
I wish you'd boo at everything I tried to do
You can be the audience, I'll be the fool
Because I want to fall in love with you

I want you to hurt me
I want you to stain my sheets and I want you to sue me
I want a divorce, I want to feel blues
Cancel your plans, we've got some misery to do

We can do it like my parents did
We can stay together for the kids, but I know we'll lose
I don't care what you choose, I don't care what you do
Because I want to fall in love with you

How many more clues do I have to give you
Destroy me, destroy you
Let's fall into love like skydivers with no parachutes

Contoured, oblique, I'm a freak
What is it you seek, secret terrorist, anymore than the least?
You know all my skeletons, you know my ******
Don't play doppelganger on my checkered personality
Finding me under the smoke Inbetween cheap cigars
Prowling in between all the bottles, all those empty clanking sounds
Smoking out till my lungs expand and breath in some new air
Crowded in the foundation of how I think, that's when you were supposed to come along
But if I asked for it, the originality would melt away in the fragile density of a throng
          
I told you Red, the songs are not enough
You need another love in life
An S.O.S. - a significant others song to make your melody complete

And I told you Black, you've got great advice, but when are you going to intervene?
I said I'm ready for you Black,
Why are you always hiding in the dark?

I said, I said Red you'll never stop bleeding, I can't help you with that
You'll always be crass, it's part of you, Red
You're the brass chassis and I'm what holds true within, you're always gonna rust, but you'll never change the way you care, love, and trust

We're blood, Red, reputation precedes our feet
Everything's already happened
Why do we care
Here Zac, just take a seat

Why do you do this to me?

What is light? If I turn it on, you will see
If I turn it off how am I sure if I cease to be?
It's within this arc that time bleeds
The only time that we can be in two places at once, at vastly different times
Where the resonance of stars still chime

You said time travel was impossible
And I told you, "Maybe not for you, no."

Go to church to ripen your life
You’re layered like an onion, hard to get past the tusk
You’re riding in the back of my hearse
On a bed of colloquial sins
Let me ask, does it hurt your back?

Let’s open the book and contradict
Get through a few pages, this books a bit thick
Pick out a few verses that I’d like to call my favorites
We could sit there all day, we could politik
You could become my favorite little hypocrite

We could take the definition of love verbatim
We could boast, keep a record of wrongs
I could preserve you in the carbon chamber of my mind
If love never fails, then love is never patient nor kind
Ball and chain I will bind every loose end I can find

Kneel your head, darling, at the call of a pew
Have you prayed today? You’re looking a bit gray
Your skin is thick like a damp haystack at the end of May
You’re here to stay with me, I will undertake all the pain for God's sake
Mumble my vows while you sleep next to me
Thread the needle when your falling part
Sew you up like my own work of art

You’ll be my masterpiece, and I’ll be your master, and you’ll find me some peace
I will be the only one to awe at your greasy hair and your cold dead feet
And we can take back that one time you wore a white dress at the courthouse
And all the times before that, that my hands snuck under your blouse
I’ll be ****** if I do, I’ll be ****** if I don’t
What’s said is done, I found this book too late to make it count

**** that guy and his silly little flat hat, and his ******* drunken chants.
  
Yeah, **** his dysfunctional mother for raising him like that, that twisted little ****.
  
Hell if I had a chance I'd probably go back in time and punch his alcoholic father right in the cumquat.
  
**** him and the way he uses his women, what an ***.

He probably learned all that when his parents weren't around and he had all that time to pass.

Wish I could go back and kick some sense into his little lame ***          

Look at him crushing all those beers with his dude-bros out on his little fratty patio.

Look at him trying to be all complex taking those art classes about 'Versachio,' or some Italian ******* playshow.

**** him for his cat calls and his belligerent ego, **** him for being such a jewel covered under miles of limestone.      

For being interested in art and love,  crowded in the corner of a house he can't even call home.

**** him for wanting to be accepted and admired instead of being alone.

**** me.

If science is what works
Then why do you trust those casino clerks
With their robotic arms and all of their clockwork
How elusive a round clock that makes you think you can start over
In a time where people feed you their linear lies, but you forget when you're sober
Yes the clock sounds in circles, but darling you're getting older

If science is what works then why do you try and paint with water
You've got a beautiful canvas, but you're as unstable as a teeter-totter
The shower head will spin and spin and as amphibious as you feel you may never grow fins
Where you will find yourself on the bathroom floor, made a mess of wine and gin.
If science is what works, then why do you binge?

If science is what works then where do you find yourself in between my pen and my paper
When I struggle to smith words out of granite and slavework
Where imagination paints pictures in more colors then my lead
When I don't know if you're the one guiding my hand or if it's all in my head
Maybe you're a projection, and maybe in my writing I have found a self objection
But if science is what works, then why could you never decipher my sincere affection?
Why do you get along better with those robotic clerks
You and I must be more complex than clockwork
You and I must be more intricate than my own art work

Some people think I make rash decisions
Like I'm not aware
They tell me I should be more careful
I shouldn't assume such positions
That I should use more precision

But am I the only one aware of the time we have here
And how important it is to live without limitations
I don't want to be old and look back in regret and fear
I don't know the repercussions of what I may do
And who I may hurt, may end up hating me too
But sometimes I'd rather have that than never knew

And it's sad, really sad to look back
And see all of your mistakes piling up in stack
And saying hey, things would be different if I hadn't have ****** up so bad
But sometimes funny things happen in life, and can lead you to the right people
And if that's the case than maybe the others were wrong

Maybe life is more than just a sad song
When everybody's all bent from the throng
The song can take a variety of pitches and tones
It's the sound of opportunity that I'm trying to hone

It's hard to keep a clean slate when you're all caught up brunettes and blondes
And alcohol in the name of the yesteryear
All caught up in love and song and you can't seem to grasp the time like it's sifting through an hourglass
Just trying to enjoy my time here, so please don't hold my decisions too seriously

Why do I lose sleep when I think of you
Makes me wonder what dreaming is
Because you're a happy thought behind my shaky complexion
Caffeine eyes that look like coffee stains
And the pain beneath them resides
I think you could change the tides
I couldn't tell you when I live my entire life in hindsight

Am I falling for you or is my body addicted to your pheromones
Is it the thought of clashing bones, with bones
Or is it the harp inside my mind that your voice harmonizes and hones
Am I falling for you or am I feeling alone

I'm a love **** and I'm stuck on your drugs
I've caught your bug, and the only vaccine is the thing inside you that pumps blood
I guess we'll see tomorrow, but the waiting is killing me
I'm ready to start thinking about the future

So intriguing a woman behind a glass pane
My friends are falling one-by-one - gun fires twice -
My hopes are high, but I'm scared of the truth

My personality is much like the a-sea
Wake up to the sound of insecurity staring straight back at me
There's so much underneath, but people don't spend much time getting used to me

Oh Mr. Salty won't you lighten up, you're a bit under the weather, can't you see that? Right.
Well it's hard to find motivation, when the motives working forces against you

In a world full of angst and confusion working in circles to exclude you
Your high is mind, and everybody's a liar behind those glass panes
Your fist is punch, and everybody's got a hunch behind those glass panes, ha ha ha ha

Oh Mr. Salty won't you lighten up, you're a bit under the weather, can't you see that? Right.
Well it's hard to find motivation, when the motives working forces against you

We grow impatient waiting for others to make a move,
But.
Intoxication eliminates our impatience, when goddesses start to groove
Techno-saints dressed in neon paints, won't you groove with me now
Your glass panes, much like the Berlin wall, inebriate our minds, and separate our lives, oh no no no no

Sub-conscience deterioration, too self-aware, I'm blowing up
Arrogance, a cultural virtue now, let's breathe it in, and inject into our veins.
Take your substances - a liquid, or a crumb if that's the only way you know out.
Breath it in, and blow your vapors out, cocoon until you bleed out.

Death is the absence of life
Dying gives meaning to life

You feel like you're losing yourself when you stop and look at yourself from 3rd person. Most do it unintentionally, but it's because we're constantly being observed, and we don't have the ability to observe ourselves to closely. One wonders, if one is a part of this pseudo-intellectulist culture uprising in these newer generations. One wonders if one is pretentious, but we know we're all trying to sell ourselves. Life should be a fight for ones own pleasure, but we're constantly trying to please others, and that's not how it should be. From a different perspective one forgets who he is, and has to relearn himself. Life becomes a game of masks, but we will never be our true selves unless we learn to put down the mask and be. We need to be, and not become. Because being is that of in the moment, and becoming is that of a 3rd person nature, that of a different perspective. Because we cannot accurately pinpoint who we are becoming, only who we are being. And that is why we are whoever we are at the moment of everyday. This is why we as humans are so beautiful. We are able to alter ourselves at every moment of everyday to become what we've always wanted to be. To be the person that we transpire.. **To be.

I'm on autopilot
So I can talk to myself
Stop trying to hack into me
I need the space
Maybe I'll never come out
But if you break the circuit
Between me and my robot
You're not going to like what you see

There's a connection buzzing in the back of my earpiece
I can hear static voices trying to reach through to me
But I don't know how to tune the connection
I'm not even looking for the dial

So I threw your voice against the wall
It's always been hard when you're in a hole
I'm trying to guide this plane, but I'm just descending
Never thought I'd need a co-pilot
Never thought I'd hear again

Till I heard your voice speaking from the corner of my room, "I love you"
When I'm naked on the ground, confused
You taught me how to walk again, you gave me shoes
This is seven-twenty-seven three to ground control, I think I'm going to be okay

Clean off your slate, that messy desk is just a ruin of all your memories
Dust every corner of your room, make room for contemporary
Throw all your old toys in the garbage, they're just personality accessories
Destroy yourself if all means point to necessary

Talk to the conch before you throw it back into the sea
Or into that lake broken of glass bottles that gave you ****** feet
Dress yourself up, make yourself look neat
Only return to that lake if you want to see where your heart still beats
Strip your bed, clean your sheets
Forget those games in the corner they distract you from the elite

Travel into an empty cave, forget the friends you once knew
Trade out your old sneakers for some nice shoes
Forget the swing sets, and the bicycles, they're way past due
Forget the silly pop music, it's time you outgrew
Cast away that personality, trade it for a tie and a monochrome hue

Try on your high heels and your perfume
Lose some weight and your hostility too
Skewer you, skewer you into a new geometrical suit
You jump now, you're a frog now, not a newt
Learn how to love, learn how to reproduce
Learn about narcissism, try to pursue
Learn about love, try not to lose
Learn about depth, try to precept
Learn about religion, try faith too
Learn about yourself, try to hold on to that, it's more important than you ever knew
Become one of the many, one of the many of the few
Take everything out of that trash can, begin anew

You're running around with your head cut off
And your circus personality
Your face is ****** and sad, with those dark rings around your eyes, and all the years you've seen have made you plain curmudgeony
Your silt pockets run dry to the earth, their face is laced with ******* and dirt
Your mace head is running wiry with hair, and you wouldn't be surprised if you found a rats nest in there
You've been casted a role, that you forgot how to play, from all the years of half-assed hearsay
You said you'd give me your word, and chilled with guilt, you fiddled and farted away

Sometimes you forget how to live cause you've been dead for so long
You put your personality in a shed, you couldn't get out of bed
Everything you said, was lead, it dropped to the ground
It wasn't heard by the herd, like you never were around
Makes you want to pound the ground, make your presence known
Cause you're invisible till you pretend like you're wearing a crown
In this town, you gotta be someone you're not, just to get around
That's the kind of vibrations you need to feel, the kind that make the world feel sound

But am I just being loud, or am I actually down?
I can never tell, that's why I'm vigorous
Carry the thought over a couple-a-cigarettes
Or more, try to hit the subject in the core
Get caught up in the question of love, find myself in lust instead
Calloused by the alcohol that's why I feel so dead
Can't ever deliver if I'm thinking about my deliverance
From evil, send me a message so I don't have to deal with these questions
Sick of treading water, wish I could just make some sense

Call me a pope, because life's full of inquisitions
But I feel more like I'm just trying to cope
Or maybe my life is just a test disguised like a lesson
How will I ever know if I'm just stuck on replay, never to find out my acquisition?

"Well it's not me, it's just my decisions"
If you're gonna keep the blueprints then why aren't you building your way out of this prison
Looking up at that glass ceiling is hard to do when it's transparent
When the only thing you've got inside of you, is the only thing that's chilling

Let me tell you a story that’s told, a place that’s dark and filled with brimstone
A place that can feel hot or cold, a place where brightness can unfold
Where men abroad are worn thin, some seem to think about little else, but skin
And as they walk their walk and talk their talk what they truly want passes like a gust of wind
The body and mind are acutely fixed, they lose their footing, they’re crossed and tricked
Head strong yet clumsy, tempered like an iron bar, these men will tell you what they think from afar
No real who’s, what’s, where’s or know how, their tongue trebles, it declares, without care or clarity, it cracks like a snare
Preaching strong and wide and broad like the big churches of St. Sinclair singing songs throughout outdated speakers, oh god
The opinions of shepherds are often the rumors of sheep, trapped in gossip like the bonds of viral news excused for tweets
They wear it on their arms and nationalize their pride all while being humble, they claim, but knows not who it harms
They make a point to point fingers for points overwhelmed with the poignant denial they pass off as practical
Cracking irony with their minds white washed from the wash and their thumbs I mistake for calloused ******
This human condition we oft’ know well, is dying right under our nose
Medicine won’t help those who are only concerned with what happens above or below

How have I been concious this whole time
I've been driving but I don't remember it, caffeinated eyes, too much on my mind
It was better when my thoughts were more closely knit
When I wouldn't lose myself and I could just throw a fit

Those were the days before the days of death and decay, maybe even back when I would pray
But I don't believe in Jesus or his dad
See he's been dead for a while now, "my bad"
Otherwise he would have intervened, unless he got mad
His omnipotent chi, is turning into an omnipotency, if a consciousness can create everything then why can't I if I can see
I am god, can't you see the light I give off when I allow you to breathe?

Must not be, because my whole life's been a fight
I guess I better pull over and wrong all my rights
Maybe it would have changed my course in life, wouldn't that have been a sight?

If God needs them up there, then I must not need them in my life
Sorry Gary, I'm so selfish for wanting you here
I know you were in pain, and you were in fear
Just miss the talks we used to have over a couple of beers (queer)

I remeber the call like it was yesterday
Your daughter, my bestfriend since my freshman year, called me with tears on her mind, calm and uncollected with shock running through her like her heart monitor couldn't find the rhyme

I said what's wrong and she told me to sit down, she told me you took your life and I couldn't even wrap my head around the idea, you, gone, how did he do it, did he drown?! You wouldn't, you never, you didn't. I replied you're kidding me right, and she didn't respond, and you were.. you weren't there, I know you had gang green man, but you just quit the fight? How do I explain that feeling man, I can't even vent if I can't decode my own speechless rant.

It left your wife heaving, I listened to it every night. Your son will never forget the morning he walked in on your body and couldn't even fathom your death when he never saw you leaving

And Brittany, she loved you, there's  nothing more in life she wanted then to see you when she graduated from basic

I'll never forget the night I helped your son Andrew carry that chair down the stairs with his hands trembling from the thought of it, he'd seen so much blood he'd rather see in gray, and I played it cool because I loved them just like I love you, and the saddest part is for some sick reason I forgive you.

Life is fragile, they tell you about that when you're little, but you never really realize that till it's found you
Like the world shattered into something more real, and it's coming to find and drown you

There's a lot of people out there who will tell you that they used to be romantics till they got hurt
And they'll tell you that they still should, and that they're completely aware
It's like a high you once had that you will never again reach
Even if you tried you couldn't feel, even if you cut yourself you couldn't bleed

So what I do when I ask you and you say I do
Am I just another believer who's killing the dream
Should I grab my things and have a way with them
Like you always do, and end up hurting you too
Or should I swallow my pride for a romantic sacrifice

People talk about diamonds like they never lose there value, yet they can be so easily mimicked
Isn't it sentimental, or is it something about mother nature's chemist
But everybody's got something to say
They all like their diamonds laced with *******

Talking to you is like playing a word game
And I'm not doing so hot
What is romance if I've already had a shot
What is a movie if I already know the plot
My script isn't true until it's old and used
Should I keep falsifying truths, or should I find something new

Why is it that when I'm so unsure, I gotta be sure
Because hypothetically if I were, you'd get the hell outta here

Darling, I'm not trying to live in fear, but love is a scary thing
Especially when you've got thoughts like you might just someday stop breathing

If there's some kind of divine plan, tell me God didn't plan my obsolescence
If there's such a great man, tell me where is his presence

I can't expect a promise to unfold the way I want it to, if you're meant to be
If every decision you make is on part of your happiness

Not everything I was taught as a child was intentional
That life is so hypocritical
That our purpose is entirely self critical
That love and god are illusions of what we want and need, and yet we continue to act like everything we do is so unconditional                                        

But we will continue to sieze
But we will continue to lie
But we will continue to deal in the trades that make us feel the most at ease
But we will always draw the God card just shy

I cannot conceive of not being
Therefore I cannot die

Did my finger slip, did I trip on my rhythm?
I killed your soul, with the sleight of my hand
When I had to be, I had to be so **** pessimistic
I told you you'd never understand

There's needles hidden in the ground
You're either hurting or you're calloused
And I'd like to say everything in the world is balanced
But I've run of of things to feel
I had a lot of things that I've wanted but I've lost my fishing pole
And all the string in the reel, when all those ambitions swam away from the shore

What does it take to convince people that I'm lonely and not dependent
Because you feel alone when you can't feel at all
Like you're just here to breath more air into this big blue ball
And float away into the atmosphere

What I wish to feel is beyond my own comprehension
That's why the feeling between real and fake becomes my tension
Where is the reason if life is just a lesson
When I'm dead and gone maybe I'll reach an apprehension
As my ashes journey into the corners of the world
I'll know then, when It's truly a feeling, beyond comprehension

Let's become eachothers excuse to lay our bodies to waste and then to rest.
In love and war, do you attest?

I walk somewhere like my feet are reaching a conclusion
But I meet the next line of my life with intrusion
Wish I could tell you there'll be a happy ending
The story is to be continued, the ending is pending unto
but right now I've got writers block, and I can't think of anyway
To turn the page without you
Just,
Paint your feet green, and I will paint mine blue
Everywhere we walk will be beautiful
and when my paint runs dry
Don't stop walking, don't cry
Just be happy we painted a picture together
and bring it everywhere with you

I never knew myself till I met you
Because I noticed how much of me has become a part of you
I loved connecting with a person so different
Until I realized the difference became the same
And the frame became askewed
And I saw that you weren't you, but a part of me was inside of you
And that's why I wandered away so long ago, with out a clue

It's the way he touched you
You hated him but loved it
It's all the things we can't talk about
Breathing behind the blinds of your closet, and in the darkest parts of your head  

Mangled in your memories
Caught in the middle of your dark fantasies
You love him but it feels so **** good to feel different
Hiding in another man's bathroom on your knees  
What he won't know won't hurt him, but it'll hurt his insecurities              
  
You won't say a word but the media and the magazine's are yelling at him
He's pouring his scotch just to find a friend, and it's a lot like his mind when it's alone, it's pouring over the brim  
Cascading into mountains flying over top his head

You're a desperate little doll just stuck in your thoughts
Cowarding in the corner of your room hiding behind all the things you bought, to make you feel better
His income is incoming but his do's are doubts and shame
Everything's warmer near the fire, but the warmth will drive you crazy when you catch aflame

You're stuck inside a telephone booth and the copper wire's split
It's everything you want to say, it's all the things hidden underneath your beard that's turning it gray
Sometimes it's better to blow the flame out, but you'd rather stay lit

My beards gettin' long, just been snoozin' it
Friends tellin' me you ain't been out, you losin' it
and they probably right, but I'm just cruisin' it
But all this grief is selling

Where's my mental, it's leaving, but I'm shaking like shingles, all my boys got me, but they ain't even know the half of it, and they couldn't, errybody so shallow all I see when I look at 'em is 8-bit, but **** nobody cares, they just trippin, but at least I got the ladies strippin, what a personality I've acquired, isn't that fitting

I'm ready to throw
Trying not to swerve but she ain't driving to steady
It's falling apart, but she's on the horizon
She looks so **** fine from head to heart
It's easy to lose your head when you're at stop a light
And you gotta start all over, rip it all apart, and put it back together, fallin' apart
Stop the car, I gotta walk through all this (from the start)

Silence is feeling when she gone (Where you been?)
Can't get out, I'm paler then a ******* goblin (Around)
All I think is bullets when I got my head next to this pistol (You haven't been out in three weeks man, what happened to that girl you were talking to)
Can't seem to drop it all, but I guess we'll see when my wrist folds (I don't know man, she seeing somebody else)
Where's she at all I want to do is hold her ******* (You're a ghost man, you gotta forget about that *****)
Gets a little violent in here, hold my beer hot mess (Yeah I know man, I'll catch you around)
Going through all the hypotheticals, but that **** ain't alphabetical (****)
How am I supposed to know how to get over you when all you do is make me ******* sick confess

**** I guess I'll just **** the pain away, but it only kills it while I'm in her, but when I finish it stays here
I'm cold, *****, you were the only thing that warmed me
But I guess you were just the mold cause you formed me
I'm a salesman now, let me know where the pretty ******* at
I could sell you something, leaving you alone in the morning with fingers ready to point blame - blame it on my ben folds, fat stacks and fame
******* ain't even play the game, I just leave em in shame
You just a fake, and you linger, all the same, all the same
But you're sticking with me so I guess it's just something in my head

Call me pathological, I dare you you ******* dame
But all I know is your sticking, I can here it echo, I hear it, it's your name
Paradox, like a ***** wearin' crocks (that's what we call a **** block)
Maybe I'm the one who's the same, but you had to erase me just to find my true colors, ******* were a fighter
In between all the arguments and ***, and silent netflix, you were something more, but I was too busy being me to find that out, you were my cigarette, I was the lighter, I lit you up for a while, but in the end I just smoked you out
Look at your pencil, It's dull and calloused like you were when I left you, all I was to you was a blank piece of paper and you were the writer

Where'd you find those eyes, doll
All your needles, all your dyes
Why'd you make me fall
Where'd you learn all that voodoo juju

Impromptu impromptress who are you trying to impress
Cause there's a million guys who'd like to get under your dress
They forget you're the ventriloquist
And I'm SOL when you make everything yours
Like you always do, like you're so good at
I don't bat an eye, you're the inquisitress
And I'm ******* Johnny Defenseless in your inquiry imprisonment

I feel pins entering my skin everytime I'm around you
Acupuncture queen bee, your needles might get on my nerves
But most of the time they relieve me

And I'm here, and I'm waiting
And I feel a little blind when I can't see what I want to be seeing
I'm a little flawed, I struggle with just being
You're written in a different language, and while that might be deceiving
I hear you're a good read, and I'm getting a little greedy

I saw a tight rope act where the gymnast was afraid of her own confidence
And she wobbled and then sustained
And she knew from then on that confidence is just a masquerade for pain
I wish I could see her face but her mask hid more than her circus name

And there her hands were, her frame, calling me forward
I told her "I'm not a gymnast," and she grabbed me
I looked beneath me, and I found the floor
She said "Neither am I."

Where has my mind gone to
Killing time in your room
Reading your books and the notes you left too
Looking into your eyes and finding truth
Getting lost in the cosmos with you
Crossing legs, crossing arms, I wish I could convince you
But I'm just here with my fingers crossed instead
Listening to some stupid playlist you gave me, and it means more to me than the rest of this stupid world

We're on the verge of breaking through to another side
But you let to soon for us to even say goodbye
We weren't too close, but we could have been
If only we took a moment to understand

So why don't you wake up and get out of that car
So we can rest aside in peace
Because it's better if you just turned around and left a crease
In the corner of the diary you lead
Before you get a papercut, and cease to bleed

Although not a sister of mine
You were the sister of many brothers alongside
That I have grown to cherish, and to love, and to guide
That all wish they could have talked you out of that ride

And as our bloodline runs cold, sister,
Please remember, I wish we could have set our differences aside.

Iron shackles never felt so good baby
Nothing ever felt sweeter than the fleet of your breeze
Chain me up, slash my knees
Come on baby, you be the bird ill be the bee      
You can hold my hand as we traverse the sea trying to escape this vanity
I've got the heart, you've got the key
Believe
  
And when my eyes become heavier than my heart
You can be the one to hang me up for heresy
You can keep me in the corner of your closeted heart
Your beak will run wild and mock me with parody
While I buzz through my life, with the weight of all my yesterday's
Maybe all the greed will open my eyes to see
Maybe this is the key, maybe I can finally be free

I remember feeling pain
When our hips were pressed together
Inseperable, like marriage vows
We moved together, like the words we spoke
With our bodies we were so much louder
And my head was crowded with the echoes
Your body was rippling in my memory
I felt you for centuries as we sat there barely moving
And I was looking into you, and you were looking into me
It was like when I looked at you I didn't need water or have the need to breath
We were so close in that moment that the next three days felt like I was wearing you as a sleeve
It was completely silent, not completely
I remember, I remember hearing your heart beat
I remember you were on top and I was underneath, and I remember you stopping and listening to everything I had to say, but you couldn't hear it over the sound of my heart beat
And your tan skin turned red
Your face did too, you looked into my eyes
And I turned blood red too
You grabbed my chest, I could feel your nails
A tear fleeted from the dark ring around your eye
and you breathed out, and I could hear the sighs from your body's cramped compassion and the feeling of your tightened thighs around mine
I could see your soul crumpled up into skin and bones that someone encapsulated you in to die
But you were alive, and everything you had felt that night, I was inside

It's all the time we've wasted now wasted
It's all the times we got wasted, we wouldn't remember anyways
It's all the areas of gray laced in the spaces inbetween
It's that night the thunderstorm became a breeding ground for our love
It's where you told me to leave, it's where push came to shove      
It's the bicycle I road into hell
It's your hair in the fire as we rode out of every argument we've ever had
It's all the meds you've swallowed from under your bed
It's everything you've locked up inside that shed
It's the ghosts and the ghouls and the heads
It's all of the mysteries you've left me inbetween
It's your aptitude to love and leave

Wish I had somebody to kick it with
Said I wanted to be alone, but it already felt like she wasn't there
I guess she was everything just to be fair
Had somebody who loved my writing but wouldn't read my poetry
Liked that she knew where to find it but never looked
But it felt like she didn't care, it left me crooked, --no entry--
Just sitting here in my room weeping like a bent tree
Feel like a ******* baby cause she took my nook
She had it in her hand but she never read my book

Now I'm actually alone, don't know how I like it though
Thought it would give me room to prosper and grow
Now I find myself walking the streets just to clear my mind --to and fro--
Miss your letters, when my phone would light up --new messages--
I'd put it back in my pocket, hiding behind these electronic hedges
Summer's not for lovers, summer's easy, I need that cold to help me struggle
Make me hide in my room, I need saving, get me out of my bubble
I'm too far away, space telescope, hubble trouble

You said you cried everyday since
Not one tear has left my eyes, they're empty
Couldn't tell you why, I'm just waiting cause time's tempting
Told you I loved you, couldn't tell you if it meant a thing
Couldn't tune you like a guitar, the string snaps every time
Tried to care about you, but you only cared about you too
Thought I cared about you, till I distilled the glue
That kept us together, I'm sick of this old ****, try something new

Had to get out, have to numb until I find myself out
I saw her out, and I saw her out, and I saw her out
And I've seen to many her's, in between all the meaningless musical blurs
And all the lies I'm telling her in my bed while I listen to Handsome Furs
Music's quite amazing when it can make you feel something you do not
Thought I was king of my mind, then I find something else to think about and my brain's back to the grind, just trying to figure it out
Now everything that's behind me is something I've fought
I sound like some *** who's like "It's more complicated than that"
It always is, everybody's calloused, like all the tattoos you got
Keep it all in, let your personality rot

Wish the what if's would stop bluffing me too
Need to start counting cards to win
I'm too distracted to let you under my skin
I don't even know how to play the game
But hey I'll play 52 pick up with you

Chewing the same gum for a while now
Late nights, and parties, and fights
About time I spit it out,
Douse the fire, and flare the smoke out

This is an S O S to brain control
We're getting a lot of alcohol down here
It's time to exhale and breathe in fresh air
Kid, you mys as well dig yourself a hole

I speak words, but my words wear masks
They mean more to me, you'll never see what's underneath
Maybe they'll be clearer after we share this flask
And then I can wake up in the morning and breath

And I'll be ****** if I see you show up to my party
I was just trying to reach out
Now my veins run like a still river in doubt
My heart has beat itself out

My heads like a magazine
Skimming through all the pages like "What's all the fuss."
And making up the rest of it
I guess that's part of the buzz
Like a silly love song about something that never was
That's what my mind does
But it's never ambitious enough to fall on love

Your smile crossed my desk and I felt some kind of affection
But baby I'm just your accountant, and I'm accounting for some counting of the stars, I slipped my number to you and we hit a couple bars
Had a few arguments, made a few scars
Made some babies and bought a car

Where are we going? Where are we now?
I'm just a character in your bed, and I'm a little voice in your head
And I'm a petty little man in a suit and tie
And you haven't left your head for days I can barely leave you alone
But don't you worry darling I'll be home after my nine to five
Just eight hours honey won't you turn on some turkey music and jive
Try and remember when we used to be alive, yeah?

I know that death is a part of life
But why does it seem like a shadow with every strife
Where is the end, why are we living
Are we ready to be adults yet

It's hard to live and let live when you
Love and can't let go
It's hard to grow when you know you're getting closer
To and fro the end is a mystery

You can't make rights nor wrongs
You can only make history
What works for me
Doesn't work for you
But why do we care if we never make it through

I want to love you and let go
Never want to grow up
Never want to be left alone
If history's all we can make
Then I want to be known

Why do I care about geography when I just want to find another planet
Planet earth is nothing more than news
I want to move forward, I want to know why
I'm sick of all the politicians and war, have we forgotten why we're here
Have we forgotten what we've never known
Or does the thought just make us feel more alone
Your god has not shown
Maybe he's making planets elsewhere
Maybe he's given up on us
Maybe the the only thing left is boiling beneath earth's crust

You call me cold
But I'll let you be the one checking for a pulse
I guess we're not getting back together, things aren't just on hold
That'll be the last night I **** your loneliness away
After this I hope your investment pays
Off
Because I hope he's everything I'm not cough
I'm not the only one at a loss

Maybe he'll have fun trying to repair every little part of you I ****** up, and maybe he'll give you his friends, and let you climb inside of his life, and maybe he'll regret it all. I hope you find me in him.

I just want to know why you can't make your own friends and get your own life
Why do you have to stick around
Like you're the only ******* blip in town

What I don't get is why he'd try to include me in it
Try and hold my hand while he's holding yours? What a ******* strategy you sad *******
Maybe you can be the one to **** her loneliness away
Leaves me wondering why I put up with this every ******* day

I don't regret much, but I wish I never met you

Coloring rocks, watching kickball, and lying in the grass
I saw your glance, I looked away as you made about
Swaddled infatuation, feelings thought dead years ago
Unknown anxieties implore me, should I talk to her?
I hope that I get paired with you

Courage strikes me, your smile, your laugh, I’m young again
The others think I’m in over my head, and maybe I do too
Where did this feeling come from, from so long ago
Maybe I’m in love — I don’t know
But I’d be happy forever here, as long as I’m with you
I hope I get paired with you

You told me once that your body is a temple, and today I saw it crumble
Your turrets fell to the ground as you joined me in hand and hip
And you jumped from the cradle into my arms
But your palms shook firm like mahogany as you slipped out from your floral silhouette
I held your heart in my hands as it was beating
And you captured me like the Garden of Eden
I never knew you, not all of you at once
Not until today when you revealed every contour and lesion
Every little cadence beneath your breathing
Please don't let this be us peaking
Don't let the years pass by in fleeting
When you start to count your seasons in freedom
Because one day you will reach the end of my imagination
Where people raise pickets of indignation
If this cannot last forever, then shall it be my resignation

My forearms are sore
From pretending to grip hands that aren't there
And my head has become torn from all the eyes
That just stare

I remember those eyes were the reason I used to grow my hair long
So I could wear my blonde reflection as a safety blanket
And maybe no one would bother to ask how I was when that's exactly what I wanted
But that was a long time ago, and nothing's changed, and all these eyes are still quite haunting
But you didn't have to go out of your way to tell me that it's okay
Because I love you too much, and your words are too positive
And my negative little head is gravitating to you like a magnet
No matter how you may change me, my thoughts are still stagnant

Your computer eyes, can calculate me like I'm as simple as an algebraic equation
It makes me hate you when you can fix me and cure me of every abrasion
Why couldn't I be that strong by myself, why couldn't I take it
When you leave who's going to cover the scar you left
I'm no longer young like I used to be, I don't have that safety blanket
I'm just wearing you, and I'm wearing you down

Good thing it's getting colder cause I can't tell the difference in my heart
But inside of me somewhere my tears are running a watermill
And that's the only thing that keeps me going
That's the only thing that keeps me up late at night

I'll deal with tomorrow, tomorrow I say
Leave me, leave me in bed, motionless to lay
There's too much going on in my head
It's turning every black and every white into gray

Chaos cripples my feet like the dead of the night
Everything that was once in my grasp is out of my sight
They tell me it's self humiliation
But I'd like to disagree, I'd like to say it's self retaliation

The parting of the seas between a mind so split already only creates a slightly different replica of me
And then I'm one layer deeper
I can't find the way out, and the more I think about it, and the more I try to separate myself from the things that make me, I get farther away, now I can't even see the sea

So if you ever see that sea, plunge into it for me.

Save me.

Love at first sight
Was never meant to be taken literal
I don't even know what you've been through
But there's something under your skin
And I want to be there

Never wanted to know someone more
Never wanted to feel what rejection could be like
But I wanna take a risk with you
I would rather try and let you walk right through me
Cause sometimes the weight of not knowing is worse
Than not knowing at all

And there's something under your skin
And I'm sick of being scared
My time's growing thin
And I would have, I would have rather cared
Then had left it all behind

The smile on your face makes me selfless
What's that feeling, mind eraser
I hope I dream about you tonight
I hope I meet you tomorrow