Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
  Feb 2015 Xyns
Jesica Dittemore
I don't show weakness,
Others come first.
I cannot falter,
Others come first.
When I am weak and weary,
I push on.
When I am sick and frail,
I carry on.
I refuse to acknowledge my humanity,
Because others come first.
Xyns Feb 2015
I was beating my head on the wall
Hoping to end it all
I put the shotgun to my chin
Ready for my life to end
I pulled the trigger but it wouldn't budge
Not granting death's soft touch
I heard a scream, a howling
Then the creatures came for me
I tried to run, to get away
Suddenly all went to grey
A large, tall man with eyes of fire
Gave me a hug, offered a lighter
I lifted the cigarette in my hand
Lit it up then thanked the man
He smiled wide then said "It's alright
You're only dreaming for tonight."
At that moment the flames engulfed me
But I couldn't find the strength to scream
They all surrounded me, laughing
Telling me this is all my life would be
Thankfully, I sat up in my bed
I gasped, "God, I wish I was dead."
My nightmare last night..
Xyns Feb 2015
I've spent countless hours
Searching for myself in bottles
And scraping the bottom
Hoping that I may be found there

I've spent countless hours
Searching for myself in medication
And swallowing the hardest of pills
Seeking refuge in the numbness

I've spent countless hours
Searching for myself in people
And cleaning myself after the lust
Just feeling more lost than before

I've spent countless hours
Talking others down from suicide
And hating every reassuring word
That comes out of my lying mouth

I've spent countless hours
Staring at myself in the mirror
And working on my smiles and laughs
So that they seem real and authentic

And I've spent countless hours
Regretting all these hours wasted
Xyns Feb 2015
Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be
be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe floating junk will do just fine
the jets have sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
How can I keep up this breathing

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

*LET THE HURRICANE SET IN MOTION
Into The Ocean
Next page