Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Alexis K Apr 2019
I stood at her bedside quietly.
She looked peaceful.
She looked happy.
I held my siblings' shoulder as they cried.
I knew it would be hard for them.
I would be there for them.

It was just twenty minutes ago.
I had looked over, her oxygen tube was no longer moving.
Not in the rhythmic way it does when she breathes.
It was still, still as stone.
I swallowed thickly before speaking aloud.
My mom was quick to get up to make sure.
I hesitated before following her over.

I now waited for my little sister to take a breath.
Her sobs racked her body and I rubbed her shoulder.
They'd never lost someone before.
It wouldn't be goodbye forever,
but for a while.

They both said goodbye with sobs.
I stayed there quietly.
She looked tranquil.
No pain.
No worry.

~

I was the only child to attend the viewing.
She looked cold this time.
Pale, a little blue.
And yet still so beautiful.
She was only in a cardboard box.
I'd wished we brought nail polish.
I believe my my mom said goodbye there.
I stayed quiet.
I never said goodbye.

I wish I would have just said goodbye.
I wish she would've taken more pictures.
I wish I knew more about her.
I wish she never got cancer.
I wish I would have just said goodbye.
I wish she never smoked.
I wish the cancer never metastasized.
I wish she was here.
I wish I would have just said goodbye.
I wish I didn't have to take care of her with my mom at 15.
I wish she never became weak.
I wish she stayed healthy.
I wish I would have just said goodbye.
I wish I would have cried.
I wish I would have felt.
I wish I would have just said goodbye.

Goodbye grandma.
I love you.
But it isn't goodbye forever.....
Right?
Alexis K Apr 2019
God Is A Woman.
God is a black woman.
God is a black woman, with frizzy coarse hair.
God is a woman who knows that everything is not what it seems.
God is righteous and good. God is a righteous and good woman.
God is a smart woman with more knowledge than humankind.
God is a black woman, with frizzy coarse hair.
God is a black woman.
God is a woman.

I cant wait to meet the woman who rules the world.
Alexis K Apr 2019
It burns.
It's so cold.
The ice surrounds me.
My arms and legs are swallowed whole.
It feels like fire licking me, perspiration dispersing soaking me.
My lungs are no longer working, spasing in pain.
I need to inhale, but I can't.

I need to.
But I know I cant't.
My ribs are being crushed.
My life is being ****** away from me.
The excruciating pain that is this.
The overwhelming sensation.
I know I am dying.
Slowly, Painfully.

I need to breath.
I inhale deeply, searching for the air.
I am met with ice, more and more icy crystals.
I'm kicking and getting no where, I am trying so hard.
I can hear them calling my name, 'just a little more'
I cant go anymore. Their words are not enough
I can not make it out of this, I cant fight.
I cant fight my demons, impossible
They are drowning me.
I can't get out.
Goodbye.
I tried.
Alexis K Apr 2019
"I'm getting bullied by my wife." He said.
His voice was soft, his tone was light.
It was joke, no harm was in sight.

I just smiled and walked away.
But I begin to wonder.
Should I have stayed?
Alexis K Apr 2019
More often than Not.
I am in my own thoughts.

They tend to freak me out.
They always make me doubt.

I doubt myself,
I doubt everyone else.

I doubt my friends,
And I wonder when we will end.

And when I'm in a group,
I simply turn to soup.

I move wherever they push me,
and absently agree.

I when I try to talk,
I mess up so much they gawk.

When someone says I am easy to get along with,
I dont tell them its because I am liquid, sliding along their width.

I simply go with the flow,
Allowing them to think they know.
Alexis K Apr 2019
She thought we loved her cooking
And I didn't like to lie,
but could you just tell your grandma
"I really dislike this potpie."?

The cooked carrot and soft noodles.
It was like deconstructed *** pie.
The celery and stringy chicken.
She loved that dish, but most definitely not I.

We almost always had it,
ladled into a bowl, the smell well known.
The creamy pasta was deceiving,
the taste...well, i wish my taste buds were out on loan.

But she'd smile at us,
we'd smile at her,
we wouldn't say a word
and we would watch tv with her

I wish I could taste that concoction again,
I would eat the whole bowl.
How I wish I could hear the clanging of her cooking.
Cooking of the food I would swallow whole.
Because the dish is even worse now that she cant make it.
May as well be eating coal.
One can only wish for the stupid, stinky, lovely dish.
Alexis K Apr 2019
Sunday I worked early in the morning. I did nothing more.
Monday I went to school, then to my hotel where my keycard wouldn't open my door.
Tuesday I competed in my contest, thought I did quite well.
Wednesday we got the results and I went swimming. Turns out I didnt do so swell.
Thursday I went to school again, then I went to work. I learned night shift.
Friday I didnt have school, so instead I did nothing but sit.
Saturday I worked the morning then sat down to write. I still dont know what I'm writing or if this a good bit.
Next page