I have aspired to perform on stage.
This I discovered that a very young age.

Inhale, exhale.
Step out, into the spotlight.
Multiple times in a week. Night after night.
Nerves try to overtake but once again, as the curtain is lifted.
Reality, it seems to have drifted.
Somehow each and every time that I fear that I may fail.
The music starts to swell.
The final notes, I nail.
I think to myself: That went rather well.
I can honestly say the feelings of overriding happiness and pride always come flooding back when I prevail.

I wish with rapidly increasing frequency that I could stay securely within the parameters of my fantasy bubble.
So I could be safe. Far away from the terror and trouble.

When the roar of the crowd stops.
My heart drops.

Many people believe that my attitude when I am not in character incredibly annoying.
The reason for this is probably because I find my normal life soul destroying.

Speak not child, hold your tongue.
This is often how my nights begun.
The injuries? Well, they varied. Depending on what had transpired. A sprained wrist? A broken arm? A bruised lung?

Fight back? I sure as hell did try. But sooner or later my body would succumb. 
That night my pain receptors and nerve endings must have shut down. I then felt nothing; numb.

At first it felt like a Godsend.
I thought foolishly, that everything would stop. That from that moment on I would not have to pretend.
But alas it is yet to come to an end.
My emotional wounds still have not been able to mend.

Oh I am so desperately alone.
I want more than anything else in the whole wide world for my pain, anguish and confusion to be known.
I am so very tired. I greatly doubt that I will be able to continue this fight on my own.

I cannot take another second. None.
I must run.

And take my final leap.
Landing in a heap.
At last I can peacefully sleep

Sitting here, pen in hand.
Waiting for my next idea to land.

Pictures and moments flying around my mind.
And now their true emphasis has weakened; split, only leaving shards and fragments behind.

Then crash, an idea hits.
For a while, it simmers, it sits.

All of a sudden, my thoughts take a turn.
All new routes, I try to learn.
I endeavour to permanently mark or burn.
Everything that enters, I wish to keep; I yearn.

And yet. 
Sadly, it is almost inevitable or unavoidable that the human mind will deteriorate.
Forget.
While the other faculties may, at present remain unaffected the loss of this once automatic function is bound to frustrate.
Day-to-day life, it does now only serve to complicate.
To infuriate.

Every day a heavy sigh.
I do so deeply cry.
"Why?! Oh why?!"
So cruel of fate to deny.
It no longer seems to matter how hard I try.

Kiss me slow, kiss me deep
Kiss me until we fall asleep.
Your kiss, it encases so much passion it makes me weep.

Being with you, it is indescribable; impossible to put into words.
It is indeed far sweeter than the song of the birds.

It is my safety, it is my haven.
And you? You are my black haired raven.

You are to me, the sole embodiment of strength, of power.
You are always there, by my side hour after hour.

I am continually in awe.
Always needing more.

To be forever held within your clutches.
Even if it is just the smallest of touches.

Continuous physical contact that is what I crave.
When there is distance between us, I can still hear your voice, it tells me; "Be strong, I know you are incredibly brave."

You have shown me unwavering support and belief.
You have been there through a lot of my heartache, my grief.
To know that you are and always will be my constant, that is a tremendous relief.

Inside me there lives an urge.
The human equivalent of a power surge.
I have no control over when it chooses to emerge. 

When it rears its head.
Well, people have often said that ones' temperament changes its shade.
Outsiders and onlookers should be very afraid.
"Its color?" I hear you ask; red. 

There is a transition that takes place: I see a mist.
That is impossible to resist.

It descends and sits just in front of my eyes.
This can lead to someones' demise
I thrive.
Upon my victims strangled cries.
Negativity and depressive thoughts always make me feel alive.
I love to torment and terrorize.
If torture were to become a competitive sport, I know that I would win first prize.
Screams and howls; these are my glistening moon, my burning sunrise.

I long to cause immense pain.
To create what I hope will be an everlasting blood stain.
Each and every time for my own selfish gain.

Being away.
It matters not the specific amount of time.
Constantly I wish that you could just always stay. 
Previously feelings of distress and desperation; the rhyme.

HaHa, I am actually surprised that I have not made a shrine.
Although maybe I should have, to help stabilize my emotions; keep them level; in line.

I'm busy tidying my friends' house.
As quiet as a mouse.

The doorbell rings.
The short tune, it sings.

I quickly glide across the freshly cleaned floor.
Drawing back the door.

"Hey!"
"You?...I?....Here?.....AH!......NOWAY! NOWAY! NOWA­Y!"
Despite my best efforts to self-compose.
I cannot keep the repeating chant at bay.
And judging by the look on your face, it shows.

"HaHa. So Spider Monkey, can I come in or should I just stand out here and let my body decay?"
I pull you over the threshold without delay.
"Whoa! So, I'm guessing that you missed me? Is that safe to say?"
"Hmm?...Let me think...Only more and more with each passing day!!"

Speedy, nimble, aloof.
Little trace, no track, no solid proof.

Watch your back.
Who will be the subject of the next attack?
He has a particular knack.

A certain flare.
Loves to scare.
You can never over prepare.
You must always remain aware.
Because Lord knows he does not care.
You turn around; he is there.
You turn again; ****! ****! Where?!

Attempt to out smart?
You could try.
But I am not going to lie.
Either way you are going to die.
He is a master of his craft. What he does, he considers it an art.
The impact? Its scale? Off the chart!
Seriously, I would not even know...how to start...
The lives, the families; so many torn apart.

To find a fresh heart?

He must tear the human body asunder.
This spirit; he hides among the thunder.

Hear it chime?
Only a limited amount of time...