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victoria Jun 2018
Sometimes if your dreams come true
You should make sure they always remain true....
Happy ever after doesn’t exist
Find your dream
Immortalise it
In that space in time
Then get rid of anything
That can feed it progression
Conserve it as newly born
Development will **** it
find it
Remember it
**** it
victoria Nov 2017
Twenty eight hours ago
I walked right into the sea
It was so cold
But I couldn’t feel it
I couldn’t feel anything

Up to my neck under water
A woman called me from the shore
She broke the spell
I turned around
I crawled back out

Cut my feet walking on the stones
I was fully clothed apart from my shoes
The sun was shining
It seemed like the perfect day to leave my life

But I didn’t
An angel was sent
And I turned around
I’d hit rock bottom
I needed to
I had to admit I needed help
I never ask for help
I just survive

I’m asking my doctor for help

Twenty eight hours ago
I almost died
Twenty eight hours later
I will do more than just survive
A big turning point has revealed itself. I have to be stronger than ever before
victoria Feb 2018
Unborn

My skin
porous and thirsty
Your sweat
dripping in whiskey

I’m soaked
within your vanity
My soul
lost to insanity

My heart
desperate and worn
My love
Afraid and unborn
victoria Oct 2017
It means nothing, it means everything
I want nothing, I want everything
I feel nothing, I feel everything
I ask for nothing, I want for everything
I dream of nothing, I dream of everything
I love nothing, I love everything......
victoria May 2020
I'm a part time poet
I fall between the lines
Constant comparison
Leaves my ink well dry

I rarely read your work
I may seem nonchalant
Just hit the heart button
My one form of response

Vocabulary is TINY
No matter how I try
Doomed to research words
Regularly makes me cry

I could respond with kindness
Of words I know completely
But I feel that's not enough
So hit the heart discreetly
I once felt part of this HP family. But the more I read of your words, the more self-conscious I became of my own. Once again I wasn't good enough. My ego won and I only read silently from then on....
victoria May 2020
Reading Vonnegut

I'm reading Vonnegut
I'm tired
Had to look up three words
In three pages
The app wanted more money
To view the words
In a sentence
I don't have the money

So the sentances remain
Unknown  
I long to be more like Kurt
I dream intense
Repetitive dreams
My pen in my hand
Thoughts profound
I reside inside his followers
I want to go to a party

And quote meaningful texts
I want to join that society
'Catachresis'
Now there's a word for me
The writer inside me
Is trapped
Uncultured

Behind failed education
Inside a broken mind
Desperate to find those words
To explain my thoughts
Which are deep and saturated of
Feeling..... No one will hear me
My emotions frozen

Those three words
In three pages
Already evaporated
I have another four words now
Four more to research
Four more to skim my brain
To mock my intelligence
The app wants more money

I'm reading vonnegut
And I'm tired
I try to learn a new word a day. But there are so many. And so many books I feel shut out of. It's too overwhelming. And I forget. My processing speed is 30... Which is extremely low. I know what I want to say but can't find the words...
victoria Oct 2017
Yes I'm a waitress-

Which doesn't mean I'm dumb
People skills are declining in need
But still you all come

I'm here 40 hours a week
Clean the restaurant before I start
Some days I feel ok
Most days I've a broken heart

Even though I'm cracked inside
And my fake smile wants to frown
I'll give a night you'll never forget
Face painted like a clown

You have no idea
in your one hour break
Or your 30th birthday
Which I will make great

That just last night
I received bad news
But I have to work still
I don't get to choose

I'm dying inside
but you'd never guess
Smiling my head off
Though my hearts in a mess

So next time you come
and I'm not the best you've had
Just remember I'm human
And I'm losing my dad
Like many I work long hard hours and have to smile through the cracks in my heart. Generally I'm treated well by the customers I serve, but there are times when I'm looked down on and some days it takes every bit of love in my body, to keep smiling at someone who is just ring mean
victoria Feb 2018
Waitress (waiter)

You don’t need good grades to be a waitress
But you do need a heart of gold
Correct grammar is certainly not necessary
But you must love the young to the old

You’ll require a smile that’s genuine
Even if your heart is blue
And a passion to make the whole world feel special
with a soul that’s honest and true

They are days you won’t feel like smiling
and times you’ll just want to cry
But the people pleasing side of your nature
Leads to stories that you glorify

You’ll tell stories that make people happy
And stories that make children smile
You’ll tell so many jokes and so many tales
But their reaction makes your efforts worthwhile

Sometimes your days will be funny
And others days maybe quite rough
But knowing you made someone’s day special
outweighs the days that are tough

So next time your served by a waitress
And you think she didn’t listen in school
Remember she has skills that you would find hard
If you don’t see this then you’re clearly the fool!
Very quickly written poem just to clear out some issues surrounding my job. Some days I forget to feel proud that I’m a waitress and instead I feel ashamed
victoria Mar 2018
There’s a hole in my marigold washing up gloves
The water just seeping inside
I noticed it just now standing over my sink
My hands wet instead of staying dry

These’s a whole in my shoe
A very small one
It lets in tiny stones from the beach
But I still keep on walking
The sea that I’m stalking
My happiness almost in reach

Now the whole in my heart is getting smaller
A real love is all that it took
So the other holes can let in the water and stones
All it took from him was that first look
Love. Hope. Getting better
victoria Apr 2019
We are monsters
You and me
Those non believers
The real life dreamers
They can’t conceive us
Too blind to see

We are monsters
We live below
Blackened mirrors
Cold dark shivers
The pretties don’t hear us
Our hearts can’t glow

We are monsters
We sleep alone
We dance underground
Our hearts wrapped around
The silence of sound
We’ll never be known
victoria Dec 2018
Wet hair
Warm towel

Arms wrapped around
my tiny shoulders
You were my first love

Wet hair
Warm towel

My daddy
My whole world
You were my only love
Back then
I didn’t see
Anyone else

Wet hair
Warm towel

Yesterday you died

Wet hair
Warm towel

My beautiful memory
My dad died on Saturday the 1st of December 2018... after a long, hard and heartbreaking battle with motor neurone disease. He was too sick for his original plan of assisted suicide and was left unable to speak, eat or move for the last 6 months. My early memory of him was him washing my hair in the bath then wrapping me in a warm towel... now he is a peace without his broken body
victoria Jun 2022
The tears that sting solitary sadness into my eyes and burn fear down my cheeks
will define my years long before their time,
upon my skin for you.

Each bird song
Each summer breeze
Will permeate my ears with a knowing
That I'll lose you the way a mother loses her calf
Only in the opposite
Cries only accepted by the moon and her tide

And my skin with the memories of you
Will fracture, crack and fall open
Little fire flies will zoom out
And expire in your memory

I will evaporate into the trees
And I'll be heard only when the wind
gets angry, frustrated and gales will
rush past ripping out my finger nails,
So they may settle to where your essence sleeps.

Terror and a deep sadness
will surround.
Stalactites will form in your loss
Drip
Drip
Drip

And my essence will be swallowed whole....
victoria Jan 2018
When I was eleven....

Early spring rings
as violet and blue
in my path lie
Yellow heads
long necks of strength
Portraits pirouette towards
the young amber sky

It is here you dawn
upon my fledgling heart
It is here
where you loom
And steel my mind
Where you stretch me between the fields of cotton rich blue

Tightly cropped bales
statue beneath the sun
I am as young as the early morning due
I call out through eyes of poppy red
Heart fading from crimson
You’ve grown too far from view
Loss of father
victoria Jun 2018
I saw a white horse and a wood pigeon today so quickly wrote a poem about them, the horse was under the tree that the wood pigeon was resting on.


The white horse and the wood pigeon....

I saw a white horse and a wood pigeon
Talking like old friends beneath the trees
The pigeon with feathers of autumnal grace
The white horses mane blowing in the breeze

The pigeon asked the white horse, if he had wings, to where in the world would he fly?
The horse replied “To heaven of course”
“I’m just waiting for time to pass by”

The horse asked the pigeon if he could gallop, what would his destination be?
The pigeon replied he’d gallop the world, then lay down to die by the sea

A toad near by was listening, and asked “Why do you both dream of death”?
“I don’t wish to fly or to gallop, I’m just thankful of each tiny breath”

The toad loved his life in the pond, and spent each day feeling blessed
Of the beauty and the life he’d been given
Never thinking of eternal rest.

True the horse and the pigeon had great beauty, and felt it right they could gallop and fly
But the toad had beauty running under his skin
Filled with love and happiness inside.

The horse and pigeon finally made it to heaven,
but were sent away to learn more of life
The toad was accepted with open arms
Reunited with his beautiful wife
victoria Oct 2017
Missing love.

Why do they never fall in love,
Why do they let me go?
Am I really not that loveable, does my craziness make it so?

I have so much more than they can see.
If they'd taken the time to know the real me.
They wouldn't have thrown me away so fast.
They'd have given me more time, a chance to make it last.

My heart is as grand as the ocean is deep.
I love without boundaries, their love I would keep.

I guess I'm not ready, they weren't meant to be.
I'll teach myself patience.
Try to be happy,  just me.
victoria Jun 2018
A smile?
Not an option
A broken heart?
A definite
victoria May 2019
Poem-Without you

Heart shattered
Brain smattered
Insides drowned in fear
Can’t breathe
Won’t believe
Can not persevere

Insides raw
I’m too flawed
A waste of space in time
Devil waiting
Instigating
I will surely die

Nails exposed
Comatosed
Blinded by the light
Breath drowning
Soul frowning
Can not find the fight

Dreams dark
Torn out heart
Can not find my breath
Veins thick
Stomach sick
Dreaming of my death
victoria Jun 2018
With you

I want to play on the slot machines
I want to stroll on the pier
I want to feed you fish n chips
And smile from ear to ear
Happy times ahead
victoria Oct 2017
She woke before the birds one morning, and she was as light as the sunbeams creeping over the horizon.
It had been a lifetime since her smile was wider than the ocean, since her heart felt free.
No longer caged in behind her walls. No longer contained, unable to reach out for freedom.

She had sat within the molten air.
She had reached out blindly, and stroked its black velvety walls. She had listened to the masked voices.
And she had separated herself.

She had cradled her sadness and pulled it close.
She had sheltered it from the claws that had threatened to ****** it away.
And she'd saved it so that she could learn to love it.

She chose a new way.
She had pulled at the light and had drawn it to her core.
She found her bravery from the kind, supportive hearts that surrounded her, each and every day.
Her constant: Her friends.
She cut out and stitched over the patches of guilt, jealousy, fear and uselessness.

She had awoken.
She was reborn.
No longer afraid.

She had chosen to sit in the darkness.
She had chosen to feel it.
To reach out and touch it, and to listen to it.
She had not sent it away; she had taught herself to separate from it.

Again the brilliant sunshine rose, which had blinded her only days before.
This time she didn't turn away. This time she allowed it to reside deep within her, as she held it close.

She now loved both the light and the dark.
And she had new knowledge.
For she realised, that one could not exist without the other.
victoria Nov 2018
Your love is the lining around my heart
Its the sugar I stir into my tea
Your love is the chill on my finger tips
And my tears as they fall to the sea

Your love is the blanket to keep out the cold
It’s my mind when it’s impossible to sleep
Your love is the petals that worship the sun
And the wooly socks I wear on my feet

Your love is the first of the morning frost
It’s the passion that drinks up my fear
Your love is the candle that helps me to pray
And the memories I’ll always hold dear

Your love is what drives me to wake up each day
It’s my favourite book to re-read
Your love is the sea as it calls my name
It is all the love that I need...

— The End —