At times her crazy feels like a particular brand of crazy
Unique to her
Soul and ego battling it out
Ego bows to soul
Held in the complete embrace of the heart

When I message you
It's often my young excitable loving care free baby that messages
She wants to play
To connect
To be in your world
To have you in hers

There is a naivety in this
That comes at a price
It costs me emotionally

It's up to me to love and care for my baby
To learn to keep her safe
To notice when she hurts

You remain in my heart
That causes some confusion
Makes me wonder if I've said it all
If I've been vulnerable
If I've made clear the depth of what I feel

May I lay it down
May I trust in love
Trust in my self
Trust in the mystery
And may I release control

You are my teacher
This love is a teacher
A teacher in being with what I can't control
Learning to live with love, loss, regret, beauty, hope and faith
All of it
Becoming strong enough to hold it all

Deep dark volatile rage
Nothing more to do
Don't make me be nice anymore
I want to rip your face off
To call out the smiles
And the niceness
Mine and yours
Give me something more truthful
More honest
More real
Bravery
Show yourself
Get on your knees and show me
Show me through your actions
**** your words
**** your excuses
Let them burn
Let it all burn
And then lets see what is left.

No need to understand
In this moment I feel no kindness
No desire to reach out
Disowned anger
Needing to be owned and embodied
Holding just as much wisdom within it as love
Letting anger, rage and numbness teach me
Slowly revealing their gifts
The refugee aspects of the psyche
Needing to be felt
They have lived repressed
Locked up in the dungeon of conditioning
Labeled as unacceptable
Opening to anger, rage and numbness
Welcoming them home to my heart

Crawling in beside you
wrapping my body around yours
forehead to forehead
under the covers
feeling your breath
smelling your smell
lips reaching for each other
your tongue finds mine
tears of longing and elation stream down our cheeks
you pull me even closer
I surrender in your arms
my heart whispers
no more fight
let me stay here
I choose you
these eyes, this nose, this mouth, these arms, these hands
no other
let these be mine
let me be yours
give up the fight baby
stop keeping love at a distance
let the walls come down
let me love you home

My mama
gifted with a gift
dream weaver
deep seer
her soul called into the night for a long time
with no promise of retribution
her longing has been met
in the most beautiful, surprising, life affirming way
the mystery that she has so bravely courted and opened to
is now welcoming her home

I speak
I really want to listen
To hear your heart
What it needs to feel safe
How it’s been hurt
And what it needs to heal
Turn toward me in the dead of night
Whisper your secrets
Let me learn you
All of you
To hear what you don’t say

The time has come
On this Aquarius new moon
As my blood prepares to flow
My tears tell me so
Time now to draw a line in the sand
To no longer carry the weight of the past
The time is now
The future is calling
Draw a line in the sand
Be free, be joyful
Kiss what was and set it free
Honour the love and the lessons
Written on my soul
Carried in my heart
Forever grateful
Forever changed

I don’t know how to be happy
How do I reach that place
Of peace, of contentment, of purpose, of love
You have to feel it to create it
I don’t feel it
And I don’t know how to
I’m bored with feeling this way
Like a trapped animal
Desperate to get out
But out to where I don’t know
I feel trapped
Trapped inside myself
Sad and confused
Lost and emotional
What is my why
Love, love is my why
I’m in service to love
**** it’s hard to hold onto that
Keep going
Through it all
Keep going child
It will get easier

She reached out her hand to him
Her inner child
Reaching for his
Come with me
We’ll adventure and play  
We’ll dance and make love under the stars
Give me your hand
I know you’ve been hurt
Let me love you
Let me show you how good it can be
There’s nothing to fear
Only fear itself
Let love lead, let love lead