This is for the hopeless and weary
those teary eyed and
the drowning and fearing
in fury of the love disappearing
into an electric forest of flickering screens
hearing the silent screams of billions of souls
desperately crying to be free
and the agony that is their inability
to wake up from their nightmares
and into their dreams
yet still being stuck in their sleep
no matter how hard they weep
from their knees toward the sky
an intense help me plea to the divine;

'Please fill the void inside
the design of our broken hearts
and discard the part we played
in the ever repeating drama of a life
that's only hurt and betrayed.'

Freedom exists...
in forgiveness and togetherness
in acceptance and kindness
in tenderness and righteousness
in loving more
and hating less
focusing not on what divides us
but more on what is beautiful
in all of those we meet next
expecting to see the uniqueness
of each in progress canvass
that we call the human soul
while letting go of foolish pride
and holding on to joy and hope
so that the noise of the collective love
will awaken those still dead and cold

I remember
The first “hi” from a stranger.
That first approach from someone I only know by name.
The day my silent moment was interrupted by a phone ring.
You have no idea how my heart race when its your name I saw on the screen.

I remember
Those early good morning messages to late night talks.
Every deep, even stuffy conversation, sends shiver down my spine.
The burst of laughter. How you’d crack a joke to keep me entertained.
And how you’d try to annoy me to catch my attention.

I remember
The exchange of thoughts and ideas.
Giving bits of details of what’s running on our head.
The photo messages you sent me. Letting me know what’s going on with your life.
Sharing the good things you see.

I remember
How these moments turned into a memory.
As inevitable as it is, things suddenly change.

I remember
The silent goodbye.
I remember
How it all started and how it all ends.

It was familiar
But not the same
Nothing looked exact
Just a counterfeit
Of what I knew

I talked to your family
In my hazy dream
Mid sentence, you entered
I looked over at you
And broke down

I sobbed like I forgot I could
I just grabbed on to you and cried
For us, the mess we made
Trying to love each other
In these crazy lives we lead

You looked different, you weren't you
And I couldn't help but say
How everything looked different
In between choking on tears
That's all I could say

I clung to you because I needed to
Because I needed you
I sobbed into your chest and shook
As I did so many times before
As I'll never do again

But you were only there as a form
You looked at me with sympathy
But without the same convictions
Without the same emotions
I cried harder

I shouted out for you last night
Said your name, reached to feel you
Because as I'm trying to move on
It's hard to not extend towards you
To hold the hand I grew to know

And as I write this, fully awake
I need to walk away from it all
Because I'm afraid my roommate will see me
Crying at the kitchen table