"The Song of Not Self"

Habits, are not the self
Customs, laws, nationalities
       are not the self
Conventions, language, vision, taste
       are not the self
The rolling Georgian hills, the Himalayas
The western Rockies, the eastern Smokeys
The northern forested Canadian home of the white bear
The White Cliffed Isle, the frozen Red Gulag
The cities clogged with motion, the empty vast stretches
       the round, wet, green, globe circumferenced, the stars
       are not the self
The perishables
       are not the self

I dealt death today.

I know it’s a part of the job.
I know I’ve seen it too many times to count.
But today,
I felt it.

I left the room long after their family did.
There was no where I could go
To escape their

Roaring grief.

They were long gone.
And I was left with their precious baby.
I curled his arms and legs up
Closed his eyes
Wrapped him up gently.
With love and respect
Here he’ll sleep forever.

And oh,
They are so thankful,
That it was me
That I understood
That I was so careful
That I spent the time with them.

And you’re not supposed to take it with you.
You’re supposed to leave it
When they walk out the door
With one less goodbye.

But I took it with me today.

The way they felt before
The way they felt after
The long quiet goodbyes
The man in a suit on his knees weeping
The mother and son making a cocoon
Sheltering their dying baby.
The solemn face of the woman who plays god.
The green death.
The last breath.
The heaving of the living as he gave his last.
The waiting.
Slower rhythm.
Quieter.
‘He’s gone now’.

I watched the clock
The same way I had
An hour before
Waiting for death.

Soon as I could
I fled out the door
Ran into the street
Tried to outrun it

Instead I ran to you
I dialled your number
With shaking hands

I know I’m not supposed to
But all I wanted was you
Your voice

Ringing out
Thankfully
I wept alone.

Today I dealt death
And I found I am not strong enough
To sustain this
Alone
Or for long.

I found I still consider you my haven
Deep down
But that you are not my haven anymore
Or should be.

I listened to the silence
After the call rang out
And decided

Love stood before Loyalty her soon to be husband and a chapel full of wedding guests wearing a crown of Olive leaves, dressed in light, and holding a bouquet of pink Lilies.  Love and Loyalty looked into each other's eyes and exchanged vows.

Loyalty: "My dream of making you my wife has become a reality.  I promise to hold you in my arms and keep you safe for all eternity.  I promise to cherish you and treat you like royalty."

Love: "I've been waiting for this moment ever since my heart took it's first beat.  Like Doves flying on the winds of peace I promise to uphold this marriage above the clouds of serenity."

Surrounded by all the virtues Loyalty and Love kissed.

Written by Epic

Where, oh where, should l
next place my heart?
I've run short of space
I've lost the art.

One chamber is for sorrow
another for joy
others speak of days of old
when I was a carefree little boy.

There are secret cupboards
where tears aplenty once I did hide
age has taken its ravaging toll
time I took regrets to set aside

But there's that sanctum
which ever does abide
carved to belong but to me and you
in no other place should our love reside.