The magical potion that once momentarily erased my pain,
has come to collect its dues,
Desperately trying to scratch out of a body that refuses to acknowledge you're going insane
I lay tormented with nightmares,trembling hands, hallucinations, nausea and fear in all its hues,
Fully aware that I will be trapped not knowing the difference between reality and imagination again,
Yet somehow I convince myself that one more night of alcohol is what I could use

I've treated my body like nothing but just flesh
When really, it has of its own a mind and a soul so warm
Bruised, torn apart, self abused, cut and treated like trash
Pleasure for some or me in need of some self-harm,
I trace each scar along my body over and over
So deserving of this torture
I can feel the agonising pain
All this blood is beginning to leave a huge red stain

My feelings for you resonate in the rainy skies today,
A storm of emotions that threaten an outburst beyond my control,
And like every rain that falls upon this earth,
I let out my deep anguished cries but for a while,
Until its time to stop and let the sun shine and pretend to the world I'm fine instead.

Watch me as I fall
without you.
I've spent years
perfecting this dark energy;
you are not the first
to leave me longing.
Watch closely.
I can build a statue
from ashes,
inhabit order
surrounded
by chaos.
Watch as I consume,
without myself,
myself.
I can fall,
but I cannot fail.
Watch.
You only scratched
the surface
of who I was
and am,
but you let loose this
agony -
my flood,
my fuel.