She beckons to see me come to her but runs away when she's seen I've done so...

You and me,
what do we see?
Is it just a newsfeed,
or a platform from which I can speak?
Or a healthy host to spread disease?
Or something inconvenient like a nosebleed?
I should be reading about Meiosis,
or following a dream.
But I'm here at this desk
staring at this screen.
And I'm blank
and in pain,
and totally not serene.
Is it okay to not know what I mean?

She was a dizzy little girl.
When I met her at the age of five years old.
My mother would tell me "Stay away
from that little girl, she's dizzy.  Watch her
running around in circles.  She is always running
around in circles.  Look at her, how she is
running around.  Running around and around
and around.  Going around in circles.  She's
making herself dizzy.  Watch her she's gonna
fall down if she keeps on running around in
circles like that.  Dizzy little girl.  Stay away
from her."  And as she ran around in circles
she would shout things out incoherently.

One day she came over to my yard and
introduced herself.  I don't recall what I had
said to her but it must had upset her because
she beat me up over it.  Then I didn't see her
for a period of around six weeks.

When she was seven she came over and
we went into my room.  She showed me
her thing and I stuck her and she screamed.
Then her daddy broke in and kicked my
five year old *** all the way into the closet.  
I think by the age of ten I had divorced her.
That Las Vegas girl.

Once I went out to find others like myself,
I found only shells.
They spoke and moved through the actions of life.
But their ways of living were so meaningless I went on.

Once I went out to find others like myself,
I found only ghosts.
Those who pretended to be alive,
But existed lifelessly.

Once I went out to find others like myself,
I lost all hope.
The empty stupidity that inhabited the world.
That wasn't me.

Once I went out to find others like myself,
I have found few quiet voices.
They have helped me to build up walls.
They are solid, whole.
Like myself.

it's been a while since we played
you left long time ago,
do you remember what you said
when we played in the snow?

it's been a while since we talked,
i couldn't bring my self to come ,
but today i decided to take a walk,
i hope the place where you are is fun ..

i've been beating my self until today,
i've lost my pride and grace,
i came again to cry on your grave,
i miss your laughing face.