The texts came through
the other day
calling me out
to come and play

They were all going to dinner
and I had to go to
Really I had no choice
they would know something was up if I said no

So carefully I walked from
my sheltered hiding place
stepping from the abyss
to go and pretend

I locked up my heart
through up my shields
ready to face their pitiful eyes
as they stared down and the girl that was broken

They wouldn't understand
they would wonder why I was broken
They would pity me
when all I wanted was to forget

I felt broken, dark inside
and I guess that got the better of me
because I seemed to have forgotten
that it didn't show on the outside

They laughed and joked
talked all night
and as I looked at them
In their eyes shawn appreciation

They didn't see me as broken
they saw me as whole
they didn't try to fix me
yet they fixed me all the same

I didn't need to pretend
because happiness is contagious
and when someone doesn't see you as broken
you start to see yourself as whole

They were like children playing with a broken toy
but to them it wasn't broken
because it was filled with fun and joy
and they had found it in the box that way

talk talk talk in circles
i'm
watching you look over bits of the past
and rewrite
as your trying to tell your story...
only  
i'm not quiet fallowing the st st stuttered symbolism's the jagged
concepts you split in five different directions
your diction  just as repetitious as the first word you read
In every new sentence.
you were never very good at reading aloud.
or even
reading to the end of a sentence,
you generally cut outside concepts in to different pieces
so as to insert your own forced bits of puzzle into
the frames of which
they were never intended.
every script written in my ugly hand or set to hard copy
mocked and sifted like
sand in your angry fist.
shifting like the earth beneath my feet,
when I lost my self or
perhaps looking back now
When I was lifted.

Perspective is a funny thing
It changes everything -
I hated about being weak and scared and faithless,
about not being what brave was
to the bravest
women that have graced my existence.
I was watching you in new frames
but through old lenses,
everything contingent on me
being the source of conflict-ion .
infliction
I existed for your
protection,
for your acceptance
directionless when every light I had ever known
went out in a karmic gust of wind.
I am braver now than I have ever seen you be.
I believe i'm braver now
then you have ever been.
for the only real weakness I have held in me
for the weakness in my chest I have no shame
you can blame me,if you wish, some times you must forget
I am Human.
I am Human.
that is my weakness
I am HUMANE
When I watch a cataclysm like our story end in so much pain..
Every rewrite rendering more blood.
I end it.
Hand trembling over foreign trigger as I lift it,
I will cry later
when i'm alone.
For everybody's sake.
Now..
I am done.