on this pale yellow post-it note lies 10 hurriedly written digits and i've never felt more secure, yet so unsure all at the same **** time

Commit all your evils suddenly,
take care your generosity briefly,
and above all, respect all words you speak proudly,

So is the making of the greatest empires,
a house of thought built by kings and liars
to best prevent the world to drown it in fire

Don't wait to see me drown in my own tears
Kissing the hands of my own fears, outstreached and waiting for me to fall

Come to me
Can you hear my call

How don't you see me begging
How don't you see me in my hour of need

The light it fades and in shadows we play
Like two little soldiers of doom
You were gonna be my life
The one who died inside to save this wretched child

But now

I kneel in dirt so dry wiping first from my eyes
And listening to the song of yesterday
Play in my mind

Don't leave me now
Don't turn around and walk away
Remember how it was
And now it's just all gone

(how could you be fine)

A million miles from home,
I'm going to hell,
Don't bother making prayers,
You never cared,
Instead you should all dance,
Cause I'll be nowhere,

My voice, despite its echo
Was never heard,
And the words I left to find me,
They were never read

Until now the only thing I ask
Is to spend what's left me:
Tiny pieces of mistakes,
Where you left me,
In the space where I met Ms. Insanity.
Where I'll never love again,
because you left me

It's about time for me to be reminded
It's about time for me to be refreshed

When I'm sad I'll drive to the store
Except I won't go right to the store
I pass the houses with Christmas lights
Or the small shops of the old town
Where things are light with color
And when I see all the people,
I'm not so lonely anymore

They had it upside down
The called the sky the ground
And tried to make me believe it.
There was nothing to relieve it.
It was unremitting delusion
And they called it illusion
When as hard as I would try
To agree, it was still a lie
And living a lie can ****
As it too often will.

To whom do you turn to trust
When something inside you is busted,
Something that makes you tick
Keeps you from getting sick
And works better than dope
To help you feel hope
Instead of bleak view
That ends with destruction
Of you.

Sweltering and suffocating
Feeling like I’m smothering
Something is deadly wrong
With this kind of mothering,
Fathering, something awry.
Something that should not be
Turning into something else;
Something that is fatal to me

What do you do when they say
What is wrong is right, up is down,
And nothing is funny, so nobody
Is just kind of joking around.
Instead they are serious
And life is mysterious
But not in a good way;
What can you say?