You said we were going to be friends, best friends,
FOREVER.

But after every lie,
it just makes me want to forget,
what we've been through,
all that you've promised me,
everything you've told me.

my stomach is in knots
and i feel so sick thinking about you
holding anyone that isn’t me
and i don’t understand why you thought it’d be a good idea
to tell me that you’re falling asleep at night
with another girl in your bed,
even if you’re not kissing her goodnight,
i tried to drown out my sobs all day with
modern vampires of the city on vinyl,
but it still feels like someone
sunk fangs in my lungs

it’s only been a week, the cuts from your nails
from holding my heart so tight
are still fresh
and i never asked you to stop,
i never told you i wanted to try
to be more than friends again,
i never tried to paint your hands red,
but all you could seem to do is defend
yourself and repeat that you’ve done nothing wrong
“you said we’re just friends
you said we’re just friends
you said we’re just friends”

and we are just friends
i just wanted you to understand and acknowledge
that it still hurts

and you can say you’re sorry, you said sorry,
but i’m sure she’s tucked in beneath your sheets right now
and you’re still repeating in your head
i’ve done nothing wrong
i’ve done nothing wrong
i’ve done nothing wrong
we’re just friends
we’re just friends
we’re just friends

and i’m glad you’re comfortable,
i’m glad you know you’ve done nothing wrong,
i’m glad you have someone to hold at night,
i’m glad thoughts of me don’t rip your heart out,
i’m glad you’re okay with being just friends

i’m glad you’re fine,

but, i’m sorry,
i’m not.

I guess I used the wrong words when I talked to the stars,
I wished to never lose you and it sort of worked.
I should´ve been more specific,
cause I wanted us to be bonded by love.
You are not away,
but you are not here yet.

My true love was a blessing.
But now its a curse.
Sharp edges of a broken heart
Makes my soul bleed.
My life is an empty book
With blank pages, and nothing
To read.

i cant stand
anyone saying
"i'm sorry"
nothing seems
real about it
anymore
ive been lied to
one
too
many
times

Would you rather feel sadness or rage?
I would rather feel sadness
Because I can express that feeling
Without hurting anybody

Some people would rather feel rage
Because they think sadness makes them weak

What they don't know is
Rage is sadness
Twisted up in the heart
It cannot run out with your tears
And so
It kicks and hits
It punches a wall
Or a face
It tries and tries to find its way out

But the thing is
If you cry for long enough you won't be sad anymore
But rage doesn't run all the way down your fist when you punch
The roots of it are wound up in your heart
And it eats at you to grow strong

When you cry
It shakes your heart
And all the rage comes tumbling out
Running down your face
And when all the tears are done
Your heart is open
And when your heart is open
It grows strong

Never had a good way to express my emotions,
nor a safe way, nor an efficient way.
Even this pen in my hand is a dangerous thing
with just the right tip to be able to hurt me
as I think of turning my only savior into enemy.

But instead I use it correctly, use it as a go-between,
writing the words I still can't say to this day
Help me, please help me, and don't leave me.
my soft whispered mantra, as loud as a scream.

Things are changing, that much is always true,
but I am so terrified of losing you, of losing myself,
of losing this seemingly so fragile peace.

I'm trying to do what I know is right,
but reminiscing calls forth fight or flight

There is a problem with this world
we pass one test and then ask what's next
the pattern set forth, so simple, yet complex
this life into which we are hurled.

The world is so scripted, so determined
as we are pitted against one another
fire burning at the bottom rung
so we all must climb for the heights
only to be burned by the sun.