What if
Every time we showed emotion
It was all or nothing.

No middle ground.
No half-assed kisses.
No stupid side hugs.

Catch her eye and feel something
Grab her face and kiss her lips
All else is nothing in that moment.
And then you pull back
And you wait
To see her emotions in return.

Will she jump up and wrap her legs around your waist?
Will she become one with you in that moment?
Or will she feel nothing
And walk away.

At that time
You will know
Exactly how she feels.

No more of this guessing *******.
No need for any other
What ifs
If only we bared all.

Everything you feel
Every moment and movement and detail
Is played out with your every action.
Laid out on the table
And worn upon your sleeves.

"Ah, I see you love me."
They'll say as they read your pages.
But they won't need to read
Because you will be in their arms
By the time they look up.

And what if.
What if they feel the same.
What if they get to you first.

You can't tell me that you've never felt the same.
Because you locked eyes with her that one time
And it has stayed with you
Filed away in the cabinet of What ifs
Under the title of "Love at first sight?"

And she walks on
Casually filing away her emotions
In their neat little folders
In their neat little drawers
Constantly questioning
Her every decision.

So what if you act on them.
What if you kiss her.
"What if she says no?" you ask.
"What if he doesn't feel the same?" you question.
But what if
What if they love you.

What if we had to show our emotions
The moment we felt them.
And she would be with him
And he would be with her
And their love at first sight
Would be justified.

And you would grip her face
And she would wrap her legs around your waist
And you would never have to wonder
What if
Again.

If only
We bared
It all.

And they said stay away
Or your heart will break
Ripped open clean in half
While he just stands and laughs

And I should know by now
That you'll let me down
But that's a choice I'm gonna make
A chance I'm gonna take

That you'll love me

Her movements
Are so fluid
There is no reason
To alter the specifics
To make them more appealing
When transferring them to words.

No need for analogies
Or symbolism.

She dips her head back
And lets it slip from
One shoulder
To the other.
Resting on each one
Ever so slightly
To greet them both
The same.

Her hand
Puppeteers her arm upward
To swipe her fingers
Across her brow.
A gentle kiss of reassurance
That morning has at last
Arrived.

Her thumbs lead the way
For her hands to follow
As they slip behind her ears
And make their way down to the ends
Of her hair.
But before they finish their descent,
They meet together
Her smooth hair stops them from making
Total impact.
The right stays put, creating ******* for the hair that is left behind.
The left guides the remaining strands around her shoulder
To rest there
As her hand continues down her chest.
Something that she only allows her own kind
To do.

Her actions alone are pure poetry.
From turning her head,
To stretching her arms,
To simply putting up her hair.
It is all poetic
To witness
To experience
To love.

When I'm weary from a long day of work
Your very presence is all I need
When I think to myself that I can't do it
Looking at you makes me know that I can succeed
When my bank nearly on low, I'm still rich indeed
because your love is there  to guide
You're the walking inspiration now beside me
Without you in my life
Really what could I do
Thank God for you

Your love is the sunlight pouring down on me
Pushing away the world's darkness
It's the future of my life
I'm investing my feelings in you
My sweet gift every every day
the one who keeps the blues from coming near
Keep on sharing that sunshine with me
I need that sunshine

Sadness will really show what you're made of
And should you be tired of something or someone in your life
You're not alone, everybody gets tired sometimes
But I'm telling you get up off your knees
Because you've got some believing to do
Light a fire of courage in your belly
Give your self another chance
Rise up and shake off shame's dust
Don't just sit there cry and mourn
Move on

Anorexia was the most attentive
Girlfriend anyone could ask for
And I fell hard for her
I fell for for 500 calories a day,
The sense of control it gave me
Compliments from girls I'd never talked to before
Doctors so pleased that I was finally "healthy"
That feeling,
Of stepping on the scale
And realizing that I took up less space
Than when I'd stepped on the day before
The feeling of water hitting an empty stomach
The hunger pangs
That secretly thrilled me
The thrill of the lies
The ones that became ever so easy
To slip off my tongue
The thrill of a secret love affair with death
I fell for an abuser
I fell...
Literally
Bruises lined my body
From bumping into walls
Because my body was so
Malnourished I couldn't
Walk down a hallway
Fell down a rabbit hole-
Fell down into a world I couldn't escape-
Thigh gaps, thinspiration, tips and tricks to
Hide this wonderland in your head
Walking headfirst into Anorexia was like walking
Into a haunted house
It's fun and exhilarating at first
It's a game, it's harmless
And then you realize that the doors
Are barred and it dawns on you
That ringing the doorbell of death
Was not the best idea
I am a study in skinny does not make you happy
The 5 pounds you wanted to lose
Turns to 10
Turns to 20
Turns to...
I am a study in
Every inch of your body being a warzone
Of standing in front of a mirror
Seeing nothing but a piece of meat
Taking up too much space
I am a study in calculation
I am a study in lying
I am a study in not dead, but not alive
I am a study in starvation
I am a study in falling out of love