No name

No name Feb 2015

Clicking the start button

Game on

You have 3 lives

You, yeah I'm talking to you. You must feel good when you bring me down to my knees. Putting a knife right through my chest and beating me up with painful words. You have tried to take my happiness away and you have succeeded a couple of times... leaving me depressed, desperate for acceptance. Waterfalls were bawling down my eyes. One tear followed by the other. You don't deserve me.

You have 2 lives left

I was not able to fight when the weakness was overpowering my body. I could not stand up when there was nothing to live for, so I thought.
I was thinking to myself, what did I do to deserve the punishment life was overshadowing me with. But Life does not hate on you, it cannot help you, it cannot love you, it is not evil - because life is not a person. Life is just life. People can resent you - your loved can hurt you - your friends can disappoint you. If you chose to let people into your life, your personal sphere, you have to deal with problems and hurt that comes your way. But there are some you can simply not run from. You are in my life.

You* have hurt me and keep doing it. Over and over again.

Curse you

You have 1 life left

I am strong for carrying your burdens with me and still keeping my mouth shut. You want me to change. A new identity is hard to make up and I don't want to be like anyone else, but myself. If I do change for you, will I be happy or will you? I'm pretty sure you know the answer to that question.
I might break down sometimes, because I'm human. If you haven't forgotten that. You cannot justify your behavior. You push me over the edges, call me names and act different when people aren't around, but I chose not to let those things define, who I am.

So guess what?

You lose

*Game over

#love #pain #happiness #hurt #strength #desperation

Feb 2015

Courtney Snodgrass

I'm a Functionally Depressed Person

I’m a functionally depressed person.
I’ve self-diagnosed myself as this
Because severe depression makes
Me feel like I should be lying
Around my house all day and
Although I’d rather wrap myself
In the blankets of my bed,
I push myself out into the day.
Dressed in an outfit that’s not
Sweatpants and a t-shirt, but
Instead, jeans and a sweater.
Long sleeves to cover the cuts
On my arm, or many bracelets
With no colors that match my
Outfit but they cover my
Self-inflicted wounds from
The night before.
I fake a smile at people
That I pass by during the day
And I hope that they can’t
See through my eyes and into
My head. I hope they can’t read
The suicidal thoughts swimming
Around, filling the lack of serotonin
That I’m missing from my brain.
Their eyes feel like lasers shooting
Into my brain like bullets that I dream
Of releasing from the chamber
To settle in my head.
I’m a functionally depressed person
Because I function in society
Without anyone knowing that
Inside, I’m already dead.

I've had a really bad day.

#depression

No name Aug 2014

Give me a BREAK

How can it be that I need to figure out what I want in life already?
My life isn't over and hasn't even begun

I feel the pressure as if someone is pushing my ribs into my chest
I want to live

Why do I feel the need to satisfy someone's needs before my own?
My life isn't over and hasn't even begun

I feel lack of air in my windpipe as if I'm taking my last breath
I want to live

Let me be, who I am and want to become.

#life #breath #break #i #am #become #who

No name Mar 2014

Reign ♚

Dear Beloved* Annabeth 14-07-1889

I remember the day thee entered my splendid, unaccompanied realm
Thou awaited me outside the prestigious castle~porch
Casually leaned by the fence that was whorled around
by pure green stalks and fluttering light pink petals... Mmm the scent of daisies.
I was stunned by your presence in my oh so tedious existence
Dear me, thére thou stood in a maroon silk gown with a divine floral print

How could I not get to know thee?

My life~guardians where not much liking the thought of me becoming involved with residents at the vicinity of high repute, I lived in
But thou knew me ~ thou knew me too well ~ I felt so marooned
We had to, we had to become companions ~ without a friendship I would not feel alive
Thou were the only one to make me feel enthusiastic

Ever since I met thee, I kept asking myself; "how was I ever so fortunate to meet such a queen?"

You are my Reign

*Yours sincerely

No name Mar 2014

The Note ❆

My hand is wresting on the bleak window ledge
while I reach out my hand to catch a perfectly molded snowflake
My hand is forcing the flake to thaw
as if there is a burning blaze within me

I look out the square~shaped window
and I only see the pure nature infront me
Trees are dusted by refined flakes
and the grass is covered with a blanket from heaven*

I silently close my windowgate

I glance at The Note on the bedside table
I still feel the touch of the handwritten inkletters
The lines are drawn flawlessly onto the almost crumpled piece of paper
He wrote words of love

*I blow out air on the clear pane of glass
and as the pane absorbs the vapor, a cloudy fog appears
With a gentle motion I write "Dear Love"...
with a hope of him recieving my message

No name Mar 2014

The Truth

Tell the truth, they say!

Truth will extricate you, they say
Truth makes everything better in its own way
Truth will bring delight to you at last,
It will push away the dead hand of the past.

No, I say!

The truth brings out the hidden,
It must be pushed away ~ forbidden
The truth will only make the scenario worse
It will act on you like a baneful curse.

The truth is not always the right solution, I say!

No name Mar 2014

Happiness

Happiness is when...
I* smile
You smile
We smile

Happiness is when...
I feel satisfied
You feel satisfied
We feel satisfied

Happiness is when...
I love you
You love me
We love each other

*Happiness is when... we are together