I've never felt want like this
not need
easy breathing
the way you hold me
close like a precious thing
I've slept before
in arms that loved me
but never those afraid
to let me go
you keep wanting
to learn my soul, so,
i know you know
when i wrap my arms
around you rough
all baby tiger play
that i don't need,
but always want
to stay this way

Mind-reader wanted!
In bold face type
Where you will never see it
I've gotten drunk to long
On being understood
I don't think I can survive
Without it.

I woke up this morning still covered in watercolors,
but I wish it was your sent
not paint which covered my skin.
as the colors splash across the page
washed and faded
I can't forget your vibrancy
with out you so far
everything is watercolor
suggested hues
waiting on a dry brush
to fill them in
and make them glow
yes there is still beauty in the brush strokes
still the eb and flow and nuance
but the moments that shine the brightest
are with you
I need you
you are acrylics to my watercolors

I am waxing poetic to my best friend
I am thinking of the veins
Beneath my feet
And the heart beat of the universe
And i am feeling something
Like something before but completely new

Of course you take the thing I want
Say here's half
but wait
no here's all
but just out of reach
because he's gonna be responsible
but don't worry
he likes you
he thinks you're attractive
but he knows
it cant be casual
but doesn't that feel great
to know that you could have
but you cant
because of this twist of fate

Please don't take this the wrong way. I hope you are not my soul mate. I hope your anchor line is not tethered to the ship in my chest. I love you, but in the way that I want take tape and glue and show you how to reconstruct a heart from all the broken bits.I want to kiss your salt stained lips and leach away the pain. I want to wander with you a while in the pouring rain. I adore you, but in the way that I like to watch the light play across your face and imagine what you could be. I like the look in your face when your looks meet with mine. I like the way we can watch the interplay of our minds. But I know you cannot be in love with me and that is okay too, because, at least for now, I don’t want to be in love with you. I just want to wander for a while content in this, in being who we are, which is what the other needs, and enjoying the occasional kiss.

This is all lies. This is all half truths. This is all I swore I wouldn't do. Especially falling in love with you, I am happy but I am lying, it kills me each time to think that with summers ending you go away.   I don't want to be in love with you, because it will hurt, unfortunately I already am.

looking back
the stars have been there all along
they watched over as I cried
and they hurled themselves down
until they were burned up
by the atmosphere
and they almost stopped falling
before  I chose to open my eyes
to open up the atmosphere
and let the bright lights
start a fire

So jon
I had a teacher once
When I had cancer
She told me to think about
What it would do for my writing
I called my ex fiancé
To ask him to send me some things
I asked why he put me through pain
He said
think about what it will do your writing
******* Nick
You never liked my writing
Now I'm heartbroken again
I'm writing a lot
But I just want you to come back
I don't care what
This pain
Will do for
my writing

As a writer
I just want my words to reach out
With nimble hands
And play
the bright strings of light that connect us
Like a harp
To send vibrations through the world
Along these passage ways
And maybe stumble along
Finding the red strings to peoples hearts
And pluck at them lightly
Sending out notes
A bit deeper than before
In hopes of reminding them
How important it is
To feel something .

I Don't know what to say
When I get home

Did I miss you?
"Yes"
Do I love you?
"Yes"
Do I want you?
"Yes"
Am I staying?
"I dont know"

Last night
I pulled the first all-nighter in years
that I've taken without reason
and I studied a bit,
but mostly I consumed
Read a book cover to cover
and played video games
and remembered
all the things I need to do
all the things I must
the half written scripts,
the shaky first chapter.
and sunrise was like waking up
on the inside where it matters.
there white pages lie
like new fallen snow
whispering promises of new life.

With a mic in my hand
I'm a little bit shy
But with a pen in my hand
I'm a little bit fly
My brothers really know how to drops some beats
And Ive gotta find the words to make them sound sweet
So while weve gotta little time to ****
Let me introduce you to my brother oneal
Hes our dj and he makes the rules
And when hes around the sounds always cool
Its true people say hes a little hoodrich
But youll really learn to love him when he flips that switch

Last night I told you I loved you
because the feelings built too high
And I
had been trying to let you say it first
So it wouldn't hurt if you didn't reply
But as I was laying in my bed
my heart was beating fast in my chest
And i could no longer swallow
my esophagus was full up
to the brink
and you were already asleep so
I wrote
All the reasons why
and that i didn't expect you to reply in kind
and i pressed send
i cant remember exactly when
you became the keeper of my heart beat
but i felt you should know
it rest in your hands

Why throw me into doubt?
Look at me,
You know my hearts never been out
Of the little box of love you've seen.

Why drunkenly kiss my hand?
And why right then?
You knew I was afraid again,
Why usher the doubt in?

Why you, in your maturity,
You knew better:
Knew better than to touch me.

Voicing your warnings of wait,
From a vantage
Of bitter taste.

Friend ,
I was young and happy,
Why widen the crack
For doubt to come it.

I thought I saw your car today
the blood rushed to my feet ready to run
Though I know you'd never come near me in public
not even to throw a verbal barb to my self esteem
which was your favorite game.
Everything you did was far too meticulously planned.
I remember a time when I thought you would never hurt me,
But now fear freeze frames new faces
Wondering if they will change like you did
Your evolution
sinister,
destruction,
Like a slow soaking rain
that no one notices until the dam breaks
and they are drowning in it.

you feel like the light
In the morning
when you just know snow has fallen
and the golden hour of dawn
Is a bit more golden
and the air smells like frozen blueberries
something like the pale blue of your eyes
and you can hear
the fireplace in the next room crackle
and there is hot chocolate on the stove.
something like the warmth in your smile.
Thats something of how you feel
like warm winter blankets
holding me snugly in the sheets.
and a gust of cold
that steals my breath
through the thrown open window.
is something like being with you.

We find between well loved pages
Why do all our hearts beat for them
I grew up with 2 loving parents
Shaped by 4 loving hands
1 half crazy hands
But love all the same
So why do i feel you
Harry, oliver, frodo,
Why do i know...
I guess we all have our abandoment issues
I guess lonely is something we all relate too
I guess i know you
In the back of my mind where we are all
Unshaped, and learning to be brave.

I want to say this so badly
It burns my tongue
like too hot tea
swallowed greedily in early morning
and freezes like the cold coffee in the cup
when I get distracted by talking to you
I know you know I write you poems
I've written poems for many
but you I want to say simple words to
I want to speak plain
and the more I know
the deeper the desire
Yet my tongue is still.
I'm not uncertain
but I'm afraid of your reply

"love you" slipped out your lips
as you were parting
and I not believing that you meant it
and not knowing what to say if you did
Just stammered out drive safe
all the while
I wanted to lay
my heart in your hands
I don't know if you understand
and i'll take a nap at 10 pm
and have a hard time sleeping tonight
because i still wont know if those words meant
anything.

As I lay next to him in bed
He says words
Foriegn to his tounge
"I love it when you sing"
I know he's afraid to lose me.
"I'm sorry
I ever called your writing trite."
"You look so beautiful like that."
Why?
You only see me when the color drains
From my eyes.
You only see me
When I'm fading.

I've got whole worlds shaking
a rush of feeling
moving the plates of the planets in my mind
if worlds really exists in there
their denizens are dying
by the thousands
my brain is scrambled and askew
I can't tell truths
I've forbidden lies
I’m left with omissions that rend my insides

My city's streets are in flames
Because injustice and opression
Are far more common in america
Than libery and justice for all.

If I found those same six songs
If I played them over and over, then,
Would that heal your pain
Could you love me again.
How could you get over me
you who loved me most
finally let go
and I in love
and about to be
pledged to another
as he left
I woke up
uncovered
I never got away from wishing you would be
still in love with me
and when I see you
dearest friend
I still cant breathe.

I remember you in the worst ways
in flesh flayed from my bones
and exposed nerves in my brain
that hang my words.
and stiffen my spine.
and the catch in my throat,
when he asks to hear my music
or to hear me sing
I freeze
and grow quiet because now I'm afraid
though he has kind eyes
one day his words will come harsh like yours
This is your legacy
fear written in my skin
and an inability to let someone care for me.
I'm stuck in this
and I'm so tired of you
being in my head,
that every negative thought comes branded
In your voice.

You
Blue eyed interpreter
Of my world weary heart

You
Pouring sleep
Into my insomniac world

You
Lending strength
To my ever ebbing self esteem

You
Telling stories
Of adventure you plan for us

You
Ever encouraging
My petty useless talents

You
I love always
Because of who you are
Even more than what you do

I'm listening to those old songs again
I've never been on the hurting end
And I cant be
Cause if I hurt you
You won't love me

Laboto ackarine foto
Eone solaeih
I think when my childhood found me
Beneath trees
Building homes for faeries
And praying in ficticious tongues
The forest gods came through
Because you came from somewhere else.

You're the unexpected dollar in my pocket,
Or the dog that came up for petting,
Or the song, that I love, coming on the radio.
A red leaf on brown mulch.
A simple good thing in my day
unessential, but wanted and beautiful and bright.

You said I was like the mist
an intangible impermanent thing
destined to fade at sunrise
you are wrong I am, and have always been, the bomb
the cloud of nuclear smoke
ushering in winter
leaving the strong
I am the forest fire
I remake the world
blacked in fall
pale green in spring
I shape, I do not fade
but you wouldn't know
you couldn't feel fire
when it touched your soul.

This is probably a bad idea
But ****
You are electric
And chalenging
And wicked smart
So maybe it wont be so bad
But at the same time
I know
I should keep my hands
To my **** self
Because you are not alone

You hurt her
Your hands too big too strong
Your love too fickle
Don't you know her heart is forest
And you are fire
Be gentle next time
She is worth more than you
But this you know

you're a fire made thing
molten gold
slow burn
in deep earth
boy
i had forgotten what it was
to be a dragon
to dance delirious
on coals with unburnt feet
and swallow treasure
with a manic tongue
you pull both riddle and song from my lips
like fire born of anchient speech
I get to be
and the fire gets to burn
not consume
but burn white hot
like the embers left in winter fires
like the viens of the earth
your eyes remind me
their is fire beneath the surface
of my skin

loving you is a punk show
Passion so unbridaled
It leaves the participants
Comparing bruises
Not the kind left by pain
But extacsy

It was never about you
hateing the way I dress
But you trying to dress me
Or you hating it when I sang
But the way you made me stop
Or you complaining about my red lipstick
But the fact you wouldnt kiss me
Or you sleeping in anothers arms
But that you blamed it on me
And now I realize it was never about me
Not even a little.

Your heart beats LOUD
Like thunderclap
like things id come to fear
in rougher hands
your lightning lit eyes
remind me that i love storms
In the i used to dance in them way
that i was the bomb at sunday dinner
the passion made thing
you let me be
thank you
thank you
thank you
and you thank me for it
for being what i always was
I lay and listen to your heart and it reminds me
of thunderstorms
when i felt invincible
It reminds me of shouting into the southern sea
against gale force winds
I dont know how to explain
it started this simple thing
it grows everyday
tell me more...youre a book i never want to close.

Am I on your mind
As you go about your day.
Does your breath catch
when you think I may not stay.
Do you think of me at all
When you touch the camera
with steady hands
and wonder why they shake
when you reach toward me?

Intensity in a writer is easy to spot
its in the callus on the finger that braces the pen
Its in the way she cannot breathe
when she looks at you
or until she finishes that line.
It's in the way you lose her for hours
as she writes, or reads, or paints you in poetry.
Its the way she tries to find words
that work better than I love you
Its that her love letters are 4 pages long
its the way she laments not being able to convey
exactly how she feels
its that sometimes her words don't seem to be constructed of ink
but life blood.
and that she is not flesh and bone
but paper and ink
She'll leave bruises with teeth
scratches with too short nails
because for just a moment she wants to consume you
we are all like that
we just want to be in your blood
to infiltrate your mind only for a moment.
It's in that she'll always remember the things that hurt you
every scar you've ever shown.
but not what she had for breakfast
it's her propensity for addiction
she'll say you make her want to be better
do not doubt her
you are the sky, the ink well, the page...
you are every beautiful passage
she doesn't love anything the way she loves words
you are words.... you are the thing itself.
you are the only thing even close in beauty
to the page.

I watch you two
Struggle for each other
In an ocean
Of self doubt
And beaten self Esteam
Can you see perfection
When it crosses your palm like a bribe
Begging not silence but speach

you would..
you would call now
telling me how you cant live without me
I used to think that I couldn't live without you
but when you hurt me
like you did
I found out
that I could