You couldn't even cut the tension in
the air with a knife
because of how thick it was.
You and I have managed
to make the air around us concrete.
And here I was
trying to grow flowers
in the cracks,
even though me and you
really knew how to poison
those flowers
until they could grow no longer.

The snow fell that Sunday night
with ease and i thought
how can the sky let go so calmly
when it was just storming
a few hours ago.
Storming like the way you stormed
out of the room after watching me
dance and let go
even when she was sitting right
next to you.
And your eyes were fixed on me
like i was the best thing
you could have had.
Until you realized i would not
be in your bed that night.
I let go of you like the sky
let go in the dead of night
and never looked back.

I wonder how you feel getting your hands tangled in her long blonde hair as opposed to my raven black hair and if there was a difference between you telling her she was yours when you were drunk, as opposed to you taking me to have dinner with your family when you were sober. and I wonder if I sit outside your bedroom window and burn through enough cigarettes while you’re in there with her, it’ll burn your memory out of my mind. Maybe the cigarettes would **** me before you could.

i fall in love with every sunset.
i fall in love with hidden restaurants
that have lights stringing along
the ceiling.
i fell in love with the way i healed
my own heart after he left.
i fell in love with each time i broke
my own heart only to grow stronger.
i fell in love with the way he sat next to
me by the river.
i fell in love with the way he knew how
much i loved to be kissed, and then
i fell in love with how much he took
advantage of it when he was drunk.
i fell in love with the way he sat at
the kitchen table all night with me until
we fixed the problem.
i fell in love with the way he asked me
if i liked the new shirt his mom bought him.
i fell in love with the way he asked me to
read his grocery lists.
i fell out of love when his jealous mind
raged wars on me for months at a time.
i fell out of love when i heard him talking
about the other girls.
i fell out of love when i decided to love
someone new.
i did not love how sometimes i can still
feel his hands on my waist
and his lips on my shoulders.
i did not love how much i would think
about him day and night.
i did not love the fact that there
is no explanation for the way i feel
about him.
there is no reason i want to chase what
doesn't want me, only to leave behind
what would give me the world.
i fell in love with the way the
cigarette burns lined up on his
skin and then never looked back.

I knew it was for the best.
I sacrificed my heart for you
when I gave it to someone else
because I knew we would only end
up broken.
I knew this was it for us.
whatever we were
whatever we had
would be gone for the rest of our lives.
I could take it I knew I could.
I would soon forget about you.
and when I woke up new year’s day
after you got drunk and angry and destroyed everything in your house,
i told my friend, and she said,
“i’m glad he didn’t break you”
but I think walls and glass weren’t
the only things that have been broken
by him the last nine months.

Your name popped up on my phone
right at midnight on my birthday.
You wished me a happy birthday before
anyone else.
Your name also popped up on
my phone at 2 am
when you're drunk
and alone.
Your name popped up on my phone
at 10 am
apologizing for what you did
the night before.
You wouldn't leave
but maybe you're not
suppose to.