Let me tell you what it feels like
to have the one person you would
have done anything for destroy you.
He told me i wasn't special and that i
never would be.
Yes, we were together when
he said this.
And he didn't care.
He didn't care that i would
cry for hours over this.
He didn't care that even when
I, like an idiot, forgive him
I will still remember what he said.
And he didn't care that
I knew he would do it again.
Even when he apologized
and swore he would never hurt me
again.
He would.
And i knew it.

So i said to myself
"Yeah, lets pretend like we don't know eachother,
It's probably for the best anyway
Because when you talk to me
And grab at my shoulders the way
You use to, it all comes flooding back to me
Everything i pushed to the back of my mind
Hits me again like a tsunami
So i'll just turn my head
And walk away
Even though i can feel your eyes
On me.
Watching me.
Like you always used to."

I wanted to scream
at the top of my lungs
and tell you that if you're ever
looking for me
you know where to find me
and i'll always be here
waiting
but at this point i knew
i was just yelling
with lungs filled with water
and you would never hear me
but i will always be here
waiting

There's something about
the thin line
between dreams
and whats real that
drives us all crazy.
I swear to god
you were there
touching me
holding me.
Until i woke up.
and its been days
since i last saw you.
Your dreams
will **** you
faster than any disease.
The faint touch you
still feel on your
skin
when you wake up
in the morning
will **** you
faster than any
sickness.

why're we always the most
vulnerable at 5am?
when we wake up from a deep
sleep
in the dark of the morning
and everything hits you.
i remember when you left
my 5am's were always worse
than my 2pm's.
and my dreams would
haunt me back to sleep.

i wanted so badly to be saved
and i wanted you to be the
one to do it.
but it turns out
people are never the
antidotes.
you were never the cure.
it turns out
you were killing me
all along.

It feels like
there is a volcano
rupturing inside of me.
I can feel it in my chest
I feel it throughout
my veins
and if you ever see this,
look at it as if
it is a message
in a bottle at
the bottom of the sea
that reads
"come find me."