I don't know how to whine or cry about it.
It feels like misery.
Something I deserve, something I don't deserve.

I don't know;
Is it all the sins of being hopelessly romantic? -
That the one time I find myself the ideal mate,
I lose her; for my sins. I blame my sins.
My wasteful sins.

I've wasted many-a-hearts.
Unrequited.
Not interested.
Really.

There she was. I was standing in front of a mirror.
Alone. There she was.
In a dress, long hair, a smile, tantalizing lips;
my personality, my interests, my views; a recluse - we.

Yet, alone in front of this mirror, it was She I saw.
Not I.
Her. I saw her.
She was me. I was her. We were I.
At least in the sense - in my sense - we were I.
I saw myself in her. I saw us in her. I saw her in us.
It was confusing; Aren't opposites suppose to attract?
Yet, there I was, attracted to the female version of my own mirror image.
She was refreshing. I had been alone. I am alone.
There she was, an image of me. I want to be alone with her.
I wanted.

Thing is;
Love is a minor - always childish - always unrequited.
Everything I saw was everything that never presented itself to her.
I found myself caught in an deceitful delusion.
I conformed myself into a conforming.
She was the idea that was not an idea - but became THE idea.
I saw perfect in her. Perfect in everything that was not perfect.
I saw love in everything that was not loveable.
I saw time in everything that was not worth my time.
I saw us in everything that was not us. It was never us.
She - I, trapped in a delusion.

I saw everything I wanted, but love is a minor - childish.
Everything I want was for someone else to have.
She was for someone else to have. Someone else has her.

And I;
I am alone.
I have no 'her'.
No She.

Emotions are one, that we can hide
Deep inside, there's always a fight
Between 'me' and 'myself'
For the emergence, outside

Emotions are, none other than
The expressions, of psychology
That flows for the whole time span
Continuously transforming, a (wo)man

Emotions are and aren't, good
Depends upon, exclusive you
Positivity, never always stood
Negativity, can be channelized for good


|AB|

Spilling myself out.
All you do is scream and shout.
Listen, please.
My last breath.
The unforgiving.
How can you leave your daughter alone.
You left her with the same man who tortured you.. left her in his home.
Calls of distress, yet, your boyfriend is whom you rather impress.
You are supposed to love and protect.
Neglect.
Fourteen years old.
No place to call home.
Cannabis a girl's bestfriend.
Avoiding "home" when He was alone and drinking.
Avoiding everything.
The last breath.

Dear future,
I am not afraid of you,
Life is searching for the rainbow at the end of every storm,
And from every setback, and every letdown thrown my way,
I will rise up like a Phoenix from the ashes of my own ruin and demise,
And, my dear future,
I will make mistakes,
But from these mistakes I will only grow,
To know that I am okay,
Because If life was with out mistakes we'd all just be wandering travelers on a straight and joyless road to nowhere,
And dear future, this may be hard to believe, but darkness does not exist,
It is merely the absence of light,
and sorrow just the absence of a happiness that always shines through,
And when all the pain and bad in the world is washed away,
all that will be left is love and beauty,
Because between every cloud there is a silver lining
And after sadness and grief there is only hope.
Hope in every mother and father,
Hope in every daughter and son,
Because my dear future,
We are not afraid.
And together, the rainbow we are trying to find isn't so far after all