Instructions on how to love a girl with anxiety
Know that she is fragile, like glass
her fragility produces beauty like no other
she is fragile like a bubble
ready to float away, aiming to burst any second
But don't let her know that
she is also strong
she might cry but she is not weak
she might scream but she is not crazy
loses her breath but she sure knows what it means to be alive
When she loves, it's like magic
It is the taste of music
the sound of touch
rivers flowing
she is divine
your love is not her cure
She is not your patient
You are meant to fix her
That's what you will think
But you will not carpent her
She cannot be fixed
And she knows that
Yet she still loves
and lets you love her
she deserves love
she doesn't know that yet

I am angry
For those that said they loved me
But turned around and hurt me

I am angry
For thinking, I was worthy of being loved
I am angry
for wanting you to take every last bit of me

But most of all
I am angry for loving you
When you barely knew my name

Molting
Time and time again
I wonder what change would feel like
Maybe my body wouldn’t feel like a shell
I wonder if I could leave the pain with this body
When I shed my skin does the trauma go with it
Molting
Would I feel new again
I wonder if I would like this new body
This new skin
Free from scars and sores from 2010
Maybe the mind would be new too
Molting
Thinking of molting
Molting the idea of me
Molting the body of me
I want to feel fresh
I want to feel clean
I want to know what it’s like to be me again
Molting cause it’s necessary
Surviving requires molting
Molting is a necessity of survival
This body is battered
It’s scarred
The mahjong doesn’t look so bright anymore
How does black turn blue
Molting
Honey don’t taste sweet no more

This divinity does not come from within these legs
The beauty you see comes from my hands
Your desperate need to feel the rough patches on my skin
My berry shades of scars
You haven't seen me yet
The nakedness of the blisters on my skin

I thought I was pretty enough for you
then you said I deserved it
you remind me of my partner
my father
my abuser
you look like him
Her and them
like all the ones I have kissed
because of you
i think i deserve pain
you remind me I am a space to be filled

I stretched myself to reach the length of the earth
Ripped and tore my hamstrings
Dislocated my joints to wrap around the earth
Felt so big I knew I was the beginning and end
Let my tears fertilize the soils
I gave birth to spring
And let the moon baptize my son
I looked around and asked for the world to remember me
Beyond Nefertiti, I am the woman who washed her feet
I too am worth being celebrated

Truth is you need protection
Our love could never hold this connection
Truth is you’re fading
The fact that I am never around got you jaded
Words that I could never express
Because I’ll always be conflicted
Wounds that never healed
Gets directed to your spirit
Making me think I’m addicted to danger
Fiending for unholy attraction
Suffering from a condition that was never diagnosed
You’re dealing with depression
You need more love
Not from them but from yourself
Allow yourself to be narrator
Guide the story you wish to call your own
Acknowledge that you need protection