I miss you more than you seem to know.
......She misses you too.
We talk more often now though
Because it helps that we get it, I think.

I'm not really sure how to react to all this
You being so....lost.
I sort of got into the habit of looking at you
For directions. Because I wanted to be like you, somewhat.

You're amazing, you know that?
You're the moon and the sun and autumn and
....and all the little things that bring about large smiles.
I wish I could put it to a rhyme scheme.

She's breaking. Not as bad as she could be
But she is breaking.
I don't want to watch that. I didn't sign up for this.
I didn't want to have to watch my friends crumble.

Friends. I can't even label you two as that.
It doesn't fit.
You're so much more than that. I want. I need.
The point is, you're more than 'friends'.

You're both so ridiculously beautiful, y'know?
It's not even fair or okay because people like you don't exist.
But I'm glad you do.
It's pretty ****** that I only managed to write this now.

I shouldn't even be writing this, honestly.
I should be biding my time until you get back.
I should wait maybe two weeks before I call you both.
And then I should sit you down and explain it to your faces.

I'd probably lose some friends doing that, though.
I'm terrified of losing you guys.
Like, legitimately, panic attack worthy, terrified.
It keeps me up at night, sometimes.

Because I love you guys. Scary, right?
I'm not used to saying that and meaning it.
I love you guys.
I want to see you two for a long time.

While I'm emptying my heart, I should mention
That I wrote a lot of poetry about you two
Including this, and it saved me,  I think.
I get where you are, and I've been there. I am there.

But it'd be great if you'd stay. If you'd both stay.
I don't wanna stick around without you guys.
You're something special and amazing and addictive....
And so, so, brokenly perfect.

So yeah. I guess I just wanted to say "I Miss You"
And get all this off my chest.
Because I need you here and she needs you here
But until you can be here, I can write poetry.

I'm all sad poems and broken songs
It figures it's my birthday
I'm panic attacks and sleepless nights
And all the words I won't say.

Things should be normal, shouldn't they?
Things should be okay; it's my birthday.

Seventeen isn't going the way it should
Can I have another try?
Seventeen isn't right, right now
Somebody hit rewind.

Things should be fine today
Things should be right; it's my birthday.

Nothing revolves around my birth
I know that, I swear I do
But all I asked was to be happy
When the day was through.

Things aren't right, are they?
Even though it's my birthday.

Seventeen began with listless apathy
Seventeen began with broken promises
Seventeen began with fake smiles and laughs
Seventeen began with hurt friends.

Seventeen may go away
I don't want it here.
Seventeen isn't what I like
I'll try again next year.

Until then I'll be wondering
How seventeen began so wrong
It's my birthday, today
I'm all sad poems and broken songs.

You are golden
Please don't ever think differently
You are capable of being all you wish to be.

Please smile
Smile and mean it down to your soul
And keep smiling and laughing until you're aged and old.

Be selfish
Because you'll survive so much longer
Because being selfless will never make you stronger.

Live life
Like no one is watching
Like you've the means to have everything you've been wanting.

You are gold
You are the diamond in the rough
The needle in the haystack; it's time you came home.

Because, perhaps, with a rhyme scheme, your words will mean something.
Because, perhaps, your words won't fade like the memory of you in a century.
Because everyone listens but doesn't hear at home.
Because no one listens or hears at home.
Because someone you know may read and understand.
Because someone near by may read and love you.
Because someone may care enough to ask.
Because it's the only way you're brave enough to tell.
Because a response may chase away the loneliness for a second.
Because someone may disagree with how little you think of yourself.
Because you can't express what you're feeling.
Because you can't articulate what you aren't feeling.
Because you want to scream.
Because you want to cry.
Because you want to laugh.
Because you want to love and be loved.
Because you want to die.
Because you want to sleep.
Because you're restless.
Because you're listless.
Because you're lost.
Because there's too much order.
Because there's to much chaos.
Because it's cathartic.
Because it's painful.
Because you're lonely.
Because you want a friend.
Because you want ***.
Because you're proud of being broken.
Because you're ashamed of being broken.
Because you're jealous.
Because you're hateful.
Because you hate yourself.

Because there's nothing else you can do.