I hear them

The others

My age and

I just don't

Understand

I just don't understand it

The lingo

The music

The attitude

The emotions

I try

I really do

I swear

But I just don't

Connect

They're laughing

And they

Cry together

They love company

But I don't

Get it

They're not afraid

They're shining brightly

And I'm

Not

But maybe I am

I just shine different

Where they glow

I fail

But it seems

They make up the color in the world

At least

They do in mine

They may act...

Stupid

I will not

Deny that fact but

They're my family

I'm always going to forgive them

Even if they're loud

And don't really understand

And so

So optimistic

I love them

I have to admit

I'm jealous

Jealous of what they have

And I know

That they're envious of me sometimes too

But the difference

Between them and I

Is that they're trying

Trying hard

And I

Have not put in

As much effort into the

Same things

So when I say

To "ask them"

Even if I sound condescending

I care

And you cant

You won't

Insult them as I do because

They're my family

I'm allowed to

You're not

They know I love them

But do you?

Do you really love them as I do?

Because I can guarantee

You have not seen them

At their best

Nor at their worst

As I have

They're my younger siblings

Not Yours

And even if I don't express it

I love them to bits

So back off

*****

I'm here

Here

Laying in this

Bed

Unable to get

Up and out

Of it

No

There is nothing wrong

With me

Not physically

But I would

Rather lay here

And cry

Then get up

And face everything

Do you

Understand

Or am I

Just a

Madman?

My chest feels

Heavy

Empty

Hurt

And I have

No idea why

My poems

Don't even seem

Like poems

Just thoughts

Turned to words

Spaced oddly

Oddly enough to

Call it a

Poem

Does any of it

Even matter?

I am

Afraid

But I've been here

Like this

Before

But last time

This hurt

This pain turned

Into numbness

Apathy

And this pain

Means I'm alive

I'm here

I'm fighting

Even if it

Doesn't look it

The pain means I'm alive

The pain means that I can

Mend

Become whole again

So does it make me

A sick person

Or even a

******* if

I say that I

Wake up

Every morning

Looking for this

For this pain

Just to reassure myself that

I am alive

I am human

I'm still trying

I'm still here

That I am no longer numb

And pain

Means progress

So I lay here

Feel this pain

Shed some tears

And force myself

Up

Up and out of this bed

To begin the day

Even if it is

The afternoon already

I get up

Pull on some clothes

And greet the day

Saying

"I haven't given up yet"

And that this

*****

That's weighing me down

Will not get its way

No sir

Not today