Let's start off with saying that I want this spiraling descent
Into the destruction of my carefully constructed facade of calm
To stop.

I want to see your colors,
Though that won't happen for another two weeks.

And I want to feel your hands in mine,
And I want to feel your arms around me,
And I want to cry.
I want to cry and listen to your heartbeat
As it calms me.

I want to hear your voice,
And I want to look into your eyes,
And I want to tell you that I love you
And I want you to tell me
That you love me
Because I know
You love me,

Deep down inside this descent into madness
Caused by the change in the weather
And coping with triggers,
I know you love me.

I know with the very center of my being,
That the whole epitome of  this whole thing
Is that I love you
And you love me.

I want to flood your face with kisses,
And I want to run my hands through your hair,
And I want to be yours,
So wholly and completely and entirely.

And I am. No matter what.
I want to be yours
And I am.

Have you seen me?
I've been gone for a while
I died last week while you were away
Nothing left but my empty body for you to scream at
Have you ever seen you?
I've been piercing the air with my pain
How do you not notice how I feel
Gone without a trace
Were you ever there
Did you ever love me?
I loved you more than my next breath
Did you see me?
When I finally realized who I was and who I am?
It's okay if you didn't
Because it has nothing to do with you anymore

Nutmeg firma , fractured window abstractions -
of quivering pools , of desire abating thirst
Life giver , abundant wavering ripples finding -
grassy shore , tinseled in gold , copper , bronze -
precious metals , beads of sweat traveling rippled flesh , every -
desperate breath filling life's circuitry till its
conclusive end
Foot trails laced in dandelion , purple wire ,
terra-cotta stone , marble and granite
The birth of monuments riddled o'er the fescue -
expression , Bluebird followers , curt winged
purveyors of decay , August clod bank rows , barbed -
wire orderly plats , distant wavers of unrelenting sun-glow facing -welcome centurion lodges