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Patrick Harrison Jun 2020
Sometimes the wisest words will come from the pieces of you that can't speak. Like a knife with no blade; no means of expression.

Sometimes there is a happenstance, however.

Sometimes.
Patrick Harrison Jul 2020
I've been running from a heavy sky.
The clouds are black and round,
and in this chaos I'll lose my

drive to ever cry.
I watched the clouds as they dripped and frowned.
I've been running from a heavy sky.

I guess I'll just repeat myself, and fry
the parts I love of my life, black edg'd around,
and in this chaos I'll lose my

will to ever try,
I can feel it as I sit on the ground,
I've been running from a heavy sky.

It sits inside my mind's eye.
Like the worst syndrome of the pound,
and in this chaos I'll lose my

thoughts as they say "bye";
leave me to the lapsing howl of my brain as I walk. Oh! Spellbound,
I've been running from a heavy sky.
And in this chaos I'll lose my-
Patrick Harrison May 2020
I never took the lens cap off.
But there was a girl here once,
in this room; this quiet space in time.

It is a feeling, a happening.
Just as only once like Holiday I had an April in Paris.
This is a feeling.

Anaphoric, destined to be repeated.
Anaphoric, like scissors chopping; redoing.
Resculpting structures in my mind.

There was a girl here once, unlike some others.
But still, alike so many in a sense,
the strangest sculpture I've ever seen.

The small of her back, aviators on the floor.
God, like her spine was hand-made.
Like her existence was improbable.

Oh, now I know why junkies want heroine.
Once you feel it once you need it again,
and again, and again, and the girls after her
were all my relapse; my sickly coping mechanism.

But not because I couldn't help it.
Because there was a girl here once,
with thick rimmed glasses and a smile.
And most importantly, a heart.

There was a girl here once. Anaphoric, like scissors. Repeating.
And when she left I was searching for her, longing for my closure.
Patrick Harrison May 2020
My job
kills people.
Like a bee
that has stung.
One day I
will die.
And what?
Lock the door, and never ever look at my face.
The torment of seeing you, seeing me is insane.
But what if I loved them, the things you hate?
Like sneaking beer from my parents,
and pretending to feel great.
What if I, in your eyes,
was a ship without a captain?

I think I am
a
ship
without
a captain.

lost.
Patrick Harrison May 2020
The summer sky;
it breathes tonight.
And if there was one highlight,
it was you.

But tonight I'll grab a rope,
and if you've figured it out by now,
this is my suicide note.

No place likes perforce feeling,
no analogue solution could keep me reeling;
no amount of love could ever keep me from peeling.
I am insane and I have become the beast I worship.

So tonight I'll grab a rope,
swing from the branches till' morning.
Swing until you come into the yard mourning.

This is my apology,
for being someone
that always leaves.

This is my final number,
a jazz tap finish to a life
of blunders.

Do I need to remind you again?
No place likes perforce feelings,
not now; not ever in a millenium.

Light the highest fires, or
burn the tallest trees,
I would never **** myself,
there's far too much to see.

Does that make it worse?
Not being able to "do it" but
thinking all the time that
surely "today will be the day"
and I will one day be forgotten, erased?

Oh, you've forgotten already,
no place likes perforce feelings,
everything you do; it's beautiful.
You should really be in a magazine,
as for me; I belong where the ocean screams.
Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
like it wasn't even there at all

an anvil in the sky

proclaimed, one day,

that the city in the frough, fried

would become a sight to the eyes.

So it matched it's creator's ties,
mix matched the hearts and souls of many,
and watched the silly little poor people dance,
too far away to see the look in their eyes.

One day, however rich the city became

the farmers marched forth, from fields and hay

to arrive, from outside, to the center,

where they kept the dreams of their children,

to crash them to the floor. Smiling as the glass shattered.

Smiling as the crowds stopped, to stare at the torch thrown

to poverty, and the torch ignited to the city.
Patrick Harrison Jul 2020
there was a penny,
lying on the ground, rusted
not much unlike me.
Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
The Blitz came and went,
and you left.

Just like the German planes,
flying away.

They were unknowing of the pain they
had caused, blissfully unaware.

*******,
They ******* Knew.

They saw the rubble,
they wrote the newspapers,
and they watched the starved
of life and their beady eyes in
their dreams for years after.
Because, and I will now tell you why; All ****'s were
still people, either horrible or anxious or experienced or scared for their lives.

All ****'s were scared as the English and the French were.

But what set them apart from the rest,
was their willingness to follow orders
to the tune of drums that drowned out
the screams of burning women, and children
dragged out into the streets, their Father's executed
before their very young eyes.

There is no better way to make a soldier than to take everything away from them, and leave them to come crawling back.
Patrick Harrison May 2020
I go on walks, not for myself but in spite of others.
I lay in the basement for hours, reading and lifting not for myself,
but for the fame that I am delusioned by.
I go on walks,
I lay in the basement for hours.

I would never hit a woman, but I'll surely creep one or a few out.
I would never ****-
I would never hit a woman.
I would never **** anything other than myself.

Tis the one act I shall do for myself, and in death let it be known
the birds and flowers that blossom in Spring are Christopher Marlowe, and I am Shakespeare.
Patrick Harrison May 2020
There is no sound greater than the horns,
that shake the very ground of our earth.
As once again a slight crown of thorns
has uprooted the Christian world in mirth.

I can't believe I'm stuck in the mud.
The bipolar death throw is renewed.
The pastor's words fall like rain; a thud
again, like last year, I am construed.

what's the point in writing anymore?
All my voice will do is slowly fall,
to a whisper, a feather to the floor,
my speechless soul is lashing out a call.

I point my gaze unto upper saints:
"What life is it where the cell paints?"
Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
The reddest rose, that twirls in the moonlight to the dirt path
below, at one point was as green as the grass around it.

And the reddest shade, on the floor of the house, was just as red inside the body as outside.

I wonder if the rose could come to terms that it would one day wither and flick off the budding bush, to the ground below.

Just as easy as it might be to see it myself, I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

There's something that won't; it never leaves my mind.

Wouldn't we have ever been closer?

That was fun last night, sometime we should do it again.

But I think I won't last for "again".

Sorry, but it needs to end. I cannot have another love to die like a rose bush to be left as thorns in a forest.

I cannot hold my arms up any longer as the Devil cuts me and the Angels above watch, popcorn in hand.

They do enjoy a good show!

So cut away. Hopefully when I am nothing the paper will read a few verses. But for now the verse on the Radio as it falls onto the tiled floor will do.
Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
the worst part is-
nobody, anywhere, can help you.

They all see you, and they decide-
you're uninteresting, or boring.

Then comes the mania-
where you convince yourself, for days, weeks, years,
that you're okay, and they're the reason
for the heartbreak, the distrust, the jaded
worldview.

But it was you.
And you can stare into the waterfall,
or into the photograph,
or into the mirror,
and see that it was you.

The sanity, in the whirlwind of self absorbed thoughts,
is what reminds you of those days.
It brings you back,
dragging you all the way.

Till your brain screams-
ugly, useless, worthless.

The only good thing about me was my collarbone.
And I was so ****** up, to ever be distraught, at
the fact that my parents hated me, and would
never allow me; hurt me, if I was close to you.

Do you see the irony like I see it?
Where you tell me I'm not ugly,
then show me that I truly am.

Actions speak louder than words,
sounds like something you said once.
Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
It takes a while to pull the coherent thought out of my mind. Like trying to rip a snake from the inside of it's tree trunk. As soon as one is finally caught, there remains another hundred that grow and grow over time.

thoughtless, uninspired, trying to think but at the same time tired.

I like to think I'll follow through with my mind, and
exercise the intelligence I know only comes out in waves.

Being insane is like running with scissors-     you're in danger of yourself until you eventually fall. It takes a while to get up again from that.
Patrick Harrison Jun 2020
Run away Daniel-
through the brush towards the light.
See how far you go.
Patrick Harrison Jun 2020
Judge me-
we'll dance in the
moonlight until morning.
Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
He is forty-six

He walks into the diner, with his hands up, excited to share the news.

He's turning forty-seven!

He looks all around, licking the eyes of all in the room, minding their own business. Then he looks at me.

And I look at him.

And he smiles the biggest smile I have ever seen.

He emanates the happiness that left so many Monday's ago.

I wonder if he's gotten used to the thoughts, that he's going to be alone forever. Or perhaps he has decided that they never mattered.

Well, wouldn't it be pretty to think so?
Or to know rather that the same snake that strangles me
has gently wrapped around this man's neck as a companion, not as a rival?

It's perplexing to me that I find it funny that he looks at me funny.

Entertaining people with my feigned stupidity has become funny
even to myself, and to the sparrow that died years ago.

The sparrow dove out of the nest to slam into the concrete sidewalk of Parker Avenue. Right next to Wrigley.

Or at least as close as I allow myself to get to Wrigley knowing that I killed myself there and many people have also killed themselves in similar places.

He asks me, "Isn't it great? Nearly another fifty years!".

I can't talk, my mouth is cotton; doesn't he know everything about me though? Don't they all? Wouldn't it be easier to pass me by rather than pity me?

I reply, "That's awesome, here's to another fifty".
Patrick Harrison Jun 2020
Worn to the brim is the old necklace,
as it's red beads fall to the marble floor.
I find in a way they are feckless,
fickle as they crack and slide, what for?

Is this decay worth attaching meaning?
Will there possess another time,
another callous hand to break weaning,
broken red beads far further as they climb?

There is a voice in the distraught,
a screaming owl in the cacophony-
and as I have been regally taught,
it is inside the mind often he-

forgets what he was saying as he talks-
lost in the cold, uncharted world he walks.
Patrick Harrison Jun 2020
Worn to the brim is the old gold necklace,
as it's red beads fall to the marble floor.
I find in a way they are too feckless,
fickle as they crack as to slide, what for?

Is this decay worth attaching meaning?
Will there possess another hateful time,
another callous hand to break weaning,
broken red beads far further as they climb?

There is a voice in the steady, distraught,
a screaming owl in the cacophony-
and as I have been so regally taught,
it is inside the mind that often he-

forgets what he was saying as he talks-
lost in the cold, uncharted world he walks.
Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
We'll start with the trees,
and work our way down,
to the sound of knees
slamming into the ground.

I was ten, and a half
and certainly full of myself,
The floor felt like a bath
but it was not good for my health.

my legs still ache sometimes,
and I never ever asked for it,
but I taunted the God of gravity,
and in the state of disarray I was,

I stood up.

The soft grass where I had landed had a bit of blood, in between
the blades I could see the dirt a darker brown than the heavy sky.

There is no pattern to this poem,
I just remember being so careless I didn't
care what would happen if I hit the ground,
I could only see to the stars over my head,
not to the tall grass and years of self loathing ahead.
Patrick Harrison Aug 2020
Tin pan, in hand,
fists closed,
clutching a thermos.

He has brown eyes,
a scarf, striped.
He sits on the floor.

Legs crossed, a cane
between the fragile limbs.
He is there, watching.

The sun casts a shadow
on narrow buildings;
tall enough to blot the heat out.

There was a fire here
until the police
put it out.

"He probably did it to himself," they say.
There are marks along his neck.
The scarf covers them, but they know they're there.
Patrick Harrison Jul 2020
The feeble proliferation-
that drips into my mind,
it tells me I am nothing.

And all the quickest walks-
the shortest feelings,
they become the most pronounced.

By and by, the wordless chorus
will ring their alarms, tout their
bitter and destroyed souls.

I have survived this long,
but my brain tells me,
and it does tell me,
I am wrong to be feeling glad.

Like it knows my happiness is a symptom-
a screaming cry of something sweet in the
temporary maze inside my skull, where
behind each locked door is yet another.

So every switch I turn, every lock I pick, they all
become part of my depression eventually.
Patrick Harrison May 2020
They say in college I will be free,
they say in high school I will experience,
they say in faded sighs that elementary was long ago,
they say middle school should be a passing trip.
Get in, get out.

And repeat; like a revolver cycling the cylinder,
like a car rounding a hill.
Like a sun spinning for years, of the millions of years it follows.
Like the pointed stare of a disappointed mother, never ceasing.
But alas; always seizing my attention.

That is the grand mystery of life, besides love.
It is the gaze of a stern and bitter wind upon my face,
the rough click of my fingers tapping the keyboard,
and the culling of a feeling that I know I could've felt.

It is the wonder that brings me to tears on the mountain's peak.
It is the feeling of never being able to hike high enough,
to never swim far enough; to never be enough.
And mostly, it is the misery and my affiliation with fame.

Like talent is an old forgotten friend, or technique that flew from
the window like a blue bird released from it's cage.

I am deranged,
scarily deformed mentally.
Horribly scarred along my back.
Reminisce of liars I dare do business with.

The devil himself must have given me these hands,
and these friends,
and these sponsors,
and these slowly closing feelings.

Well, all that is left is the imitator, not the imitated.
Never the imitated would last in a field of growing orchid.
Trace the same scars as the hotel here now,
as I stand on the roof, where one half is missing.

The breeze almost shakes me, and I can see myself fall.
Patrick Harrison May 2020
Sometimes I think "How would I tell if I was the last man on Earth?".
You see, I'm always in my room, always hiding, always diverting it.
I have this feeling outside, like the world is crumbling, like I'm just it.
But it makes it easier I guess to see the flaws in other's words and I-
like a patient saint have become accustomed to pain; conditioned by
it.
Patrick Harrison Jul 2020
There is no comfort in death and that is what they will tell you.
But I am telling you, I am waiting on a better clue.
There is no pain after life and that is what I am scared of,
will there ever be a day to mourn the passing of the dove?
I am so worried for myself and that feeling isn't new.
This hurt grapples me like the stern grip of a pirate's worn glove.
And now I can't bear to escape in the stories that I knew.
What a poison to believe in, what a curse to let you love.
Patrick Harrison May 2020
What am I?
A thinker, or a faker?
Are my words ever thought out?
Am I ever not doubting myself?

I feel like an imbecile, as all the people around me say; yet
at the same time, there are a few who see an intelligence beneath the parachute blanket wave.

So who is right? The teachers who believe in me or
the people who look down on me?

I wonder if they would be surprised if one day they found that I, the town's idiot; the teenager all the other's were told to stay away from, made something of myself.

I wonder if their opinions of me will have an impact at all.

I think I take them too seriously sometimes.
It's like they forget where they are;
conditioned to sit and wait for death.
Is it my fault I can't be alarmed?

I think it's my fault I pay little attention.
I think it's my fault they are confused,
but is it my fault they hate me?
I think that's up to them; to you.

But don't look for a pattern, because there isn't one.
Don't look for a rhyme scheme, or iambic pentameter,
or any of that nonsense.

Just as the people who judge me look, and then look away, I've written this poem to convey;  literally nothing. Besides the point. Literally nothing.

If you could ever use your brains, little town somewhere North, you would've realized long ago that you were the monument to weirdness, to solitude and idiocy; you were all a part of the plan.

As painful as it sounds to be left behind, now you'll know how it feels.

To the rich who blindly ignore, to the poor who blindly trust, I bid you farewell.

Thank God, in the movement of my feet I trust.
Patrick Harrison May 2020
You all liked my friend
more than me.

How do I put ugly into words?

It is not flowers, for flowers are beautiful!
It is not the reflections of memories,
across the open pond;
along the orange skies,
the fine lines where thought begins
and insanity reigns.
This mentality is a dictatorship; where
the groves of sand sharply contrast the
dense green brush of the forest around
the beach.
No, it is not.

How do I put ugly into words?

Is ugly a condition temporary, or is it
self created-  molded and shaped by the silent
ones, the loners and freaks?
Life would be so much easier born pretty, with a
perfect hairline; what beautiful conversations.
If I was pretty I would never be called bud, or kid.
Although I know those are only things said to wear
me down-   like the rocks beneath a stream, until I
am too exhausted to fight it, until I succumb to it.

Like the worn mattresses, the cavalcade of them carried down
the street by the flooding water; I'll be worn like this until I die.
It's never me, I'm never chosen to go on those fun looking adventures-  where the water is so blue it hurts your eyes.
I'll never know what the prettiest of them do, or did to get where they are. But I assume because they are pretty it is what carries them far.
I have a new scar, not unlike the one along my back that stings and hurts so badly.
These aren't physical scars, just places I remember being harmed from. Like my small frame, my weak arms, or my hair.
Or my inability to make my words stick,
or my steadily grinding bones, that will
one day fade to **** a few molecules on their way down to Earth.

Maturity loves those who preach it.
Maturity is just knowing when to give up.
Maturity is just knowing when to quit.
And on that note, goodnight. I loved the world until I was old enough to understand that the world-   it hated me.




Or am I just a *******? That's what I fear the most.
I've watched myself lash out at my friends, my family, my girlfriends. Even people I meet by chance along the internet I seem to eventually shove away, as if I can't help myself. As if I was destined to be feared, and for people to run away from.
Patrick Harrison May 2020
I would love to poke fun;
really really I would.
But that was more your thing.
Your shtick.

I'm more-   I'm more anaphoric.
But I don't really know what it means.
But did you know what it means?
Patrick Harrison May 2020
Have you ever ridden your bike without it's training wheels?
I mean really felt it; the wind in your hair rushing down to your face. The warm breeze that makes you so comfortable lapsing over your every breath and pause, waiting to whip your shirt around again and again?
Patrick Harrison Jun 2020
I am quite simply unbearable,
everything I do, it's terrible,
and when the night strikes twelve on clocks,
I will sit and lie awake, think a lot.

The old lake by where I grew up,
the palm trees of a place I love,
it all flashes past me in a stare,
like even the good memories exist
simply and utterly to pull my hair.

I am so sick of myself.
I scream-    I am so sick of myself.
I lash out, I am so sick of myself!
It doesn't pay to be sick of yourself.

It's a sad, lonely life that I envision,
convince myself I'm fine, until the
bombs strike or the Earth decays,
and it is wrapped around my finger
like a note to my dead thoughts.

I am so sick of myself,
utterly annoyed at how little
I pay attention, how little I
regard others' feelings.

And it is at the end of the trail I see
old men, lonely, same as me.
The bastain of their minds covered in thick dark fog.
Inside of it I presume, just more of the same bitterness.

Then there are the post feelings,
and you know you drive everyone
away from you. You know they are
afraid of you. You know every sound,
every breath that escapes your lungs
is the same as a clock ticking until
it breaks. You know how it ends and
you have ambitions that aren't great.

Maybe I'll go to college,
                                             and be pitied there.

Maybe I'll finally learn the violin,
                                                       and disappoint my grandfather.

Maybe I'll find someone to love,
                                                      and watch them misunderstand me.

Maybe I'll enjoy the world,
                                                     until I lay awake at night.
Patrick Harrison May 2020
You take off your shirt.
Lie down on my bed.
You're very pretty.
I hate you.

I hate you for being prettier than me.
You tell me to come closer,
you light a candle.
Burn the impatience in my heart.

You turn down the radio, the skin of your
chest in the calm light shining, reflecting almost
my face with it's smoothness and clarity.
I hate you.

But you pull me down, 60 feet beneath the surface,
and I can feel your breath along my face. Warm
and loud, and peacefully provocative.
Tear my soul out because I know you will leave.
Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
If I could write you a love song;
it would be so perfect,
with all the incantations; intonations
to let you know how much it hurt
when you left.

On my soul I swear, don't be there for me,
for I am the one they will forget, I will
fade into the background,
I will fall and be stuck, like a magnet in the
darkest ravine imaginable.

If I could hide in my bed; dream of the
world around me as I want to see it,
will it help me get used to the thought?
Am I getting too used to the thought?
I'm going to be alone forever.

I'm going to be uglier forever.
I'm going to be envious forever.
I'm going to be insane forever.
I'll never be over the weather.
I'll surely be alone forever.
Patrick Harrison May 2020
forget me now,
let me drip like water
to the life after,
for I am older;
far sadder than I ever
wanted to see me.
But don't forget it,
the way clouds move away,
the life that ebbs.
That is what holds us,
binds us all together to
create new lovers.
Patrick Harrison Jun 2020
This is the truth of suffering-     when something as a feather falls as fast as a lightning strike to the ground-     and you see the melancholic burns in the grass slither, slip into every weary heart.

This is the truth,
of the cause
of suffering, to watch the world die, the flowers grow to be eaten, stomped on, caressed or simply plucked and thrown away.

This is the truth of the end of suffering, and the path that leads towards it, with all its twists and turns.

All of it's a plague,
dripping from a dagger,
or a thief in the dead of night,
exalted in the moonlight.
Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
When rain falls to earth,
and you hear the patter,
do you think of the crowd inside the ground?
Or the worms that die after?

When thunder strikes the sky,
like a hammer to a skull,
does depression whisper,
or does it scream above all?

Can you feel it?
The rain says to me,
under broken words,
as the sad wringing returns.

Yes, I can feel it,
but you wouldn't know the
half of it. No, you wouldn't
get it at all.

The rain does not understand the
feeling it brings down to earth,
like pikes to egyptians, or a puddle
in the desert.

The rain does not know of
the world that it soaks.

It does not feel for the people
who lie underneath the gloating,
roaring sky, nor does it fear the
trees that fall because of it.

The rain is stoic, and emotionless, and
destructive. But still we personify it,
we rectify it.

We ***** a monument to every bitter flash of
lightning; every whimmering rabbit trapped
in their holes, flooded out to the street
in wonder. But not wonder of.

Rather, wonder when the sky became dark, and thoughtless,
and when every morsel of sun became hidden.
It's strange we can't personify the deadest things,
like the worms that crawl from the earth to later die of thirst on the pavement.

It's strange that we personify the rain as a creature of ferocity, when the rain simply does not know when it falls.

I'm just terrified, that one day, the rain will fall on itself,
and she will see what she has done,
who she has become,
and the world that is spinning around,
on an axis that runs parallel with the ground.
Patrick Harrison Jun 2020
Worrying,                                              If I could sit in a vacant sky,
I'll fall.                                              I'd watch the hopeless world go by,
                                                                   and if I could apologize,
Don't catch me,                                             I would. I would.
please just let me
drown inside the sea,                        But when you've ruined yourself
let the water lap.                                  far too many times to count,
                                                                   is there really a reason?
                                                                       Why bother?
Patrick Harrison Jul 2020
Dare enter to thy miserable life!
See the nothing inside my dying brain.
I was a poet once before the strife,
it was hell to watch it destroy my train.

Now every word sounds like it is a joke,
there is no plot inside this teeming home.
I do not want to watch you fall and choke,
but it is hard when you read me your tome.

I hope you enjoy bullying your son,
because this is the last you'll see of him.
I made him go quite crazy so he'll run.
I control all the words that come from them.

So until he becomes one who can't sleep,
I will make him see me and want to weep.
Patrick Harrison Jul 2020
I think I need a glass of water-
but I guess that would ruin the point,
to rid this world of myself,
sans I is a world to rejoice.

But something bitter came my way,
it stopped me in my tracks,
downing downers, feeling
the cuts along my back.

I thought first, of the windmills,
of an April in Paris,
this is a feeling that
I digest with the pills.

I thought second of fient,
in their imprecation I had
become, nay, grown so
used to the thought.

Except late at night,
I would pay to make it stop.

The third thought was the killer,
poised with a knife above my head,
stabbing viciously, cleaving the flesh
from my withered wrinkled bones.

We could've had a ****** good time.
Isn't it pretty to think so?
Late at night I ponder it.
Hemingway, of all the things.
Patrick Harrison Jun 2020
I've been hit in the head with a frying pan.
There's a bit of a ringing in my ears.
All thoughts stem from depresson,
so I sit inside my room.

I watch the walls
yellow and I watch the
shadows change for hours.

I've been hit in the head with a frying pan.
They kicked me to the dirt, hit me, crippled me.
And I can't bear to weigh my options.
I can't bear to leave the house.
Patrick Harrison Jul 2020
I am not beautiful,
and such as a rose covered- awash
in the scarlet moon,
I have become the stem in which
water is drunk from the Earth.
Patrick Harrison Mar 2020
Imagine,
                   writing simply, or rather simply for yourself.
It's a bold move to pretend to be someone else.
                     and I hope that the first draft is as bad, as it could get.
But the demon in my veins tells me that it's just begun so.

I don't care if you take your time, just listen to me, just remember me.
I don't care if it hurts a little while, just listen to me, just listen please.

Because I can't hear you when you talk to me,
I have so much I need to tell you please-
listen to me. I can't wait to be heard, I need to be heard.

Something in my head hurts-   it needs to know where to start-
to take over your heart, with every boring line about the stars.
They show me what these writers really are:

Just fools afraid of death, afraid of love that leaves and life that bleeds to an end. And I hope so badly that they find happiness, or a book to read that they think is magnificent, that they can treat as a friend because--- well-

I know that feeling better than anyone I know-
when your friends say they'll reply to you, then ignore you, but they're ALWAYS on their phone. It hurts pretty bad to know that something you tricked yourself into believing was false.

It hurts even worse to know that just as they left you, they will leave others too, until they are alone.

So I hope that they find love- or something close because I can't bear thinking about their notes-   where they beg someone to stay, it really isn't hard to see that they made themselves that way.

But I hope that--

I don't know.

But you think about it all the time.

Beneath the mental nothing social media masks over our young minds, to **** us out of our individuality to buy products we neither need or use, or anyone would use.

It makes it no more surprising why I self-abuse.

Because I CAN'T STAND THE CROWD THAT BLOCKS MY VIEW OF THE OCEAN AND ALL IT'S WAVES. THEY ACT AS IF THEY WERE MEANT TO BE THERE, LIKE THEY WERE BORN TO STAND IN FRONT OF OTHERS AND MAKE THEIR LIVES SOMETHING LESS, OR INFERIOR.

But you would never hear me if you tried,
I thought I took over your heart,
no, it was just your spare time.

so I hope that-

I know that you are doing well.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there.

And all is well,

I just need to let it go,
and find a way to look over their heads to whatever is on the other side.

— The End —