I didn't know a
kiss could turn into such a
descent into hell

1:49 PM
3/8/21

Out here with the fireflies
And the waning light
I shiver in the cold
Chicago summer night
You want to sit
I need to walk —
I’m anxious, I say
I know, it’s alright,
You say reassuringly
Just go ahead
Go on and hike
I’ll be inside waiting
We’re alone tonight

I love the nighttime
Or at least its onset
All red and purple
Another one - we made it
We are still intact
And I don’t just mean us
I mean the actions
The values
Our purpose

There are so many things
I dread talking about
With you - how did
Such a state of affairs
Ever even start?
At one point talking
Was all that we had
Forgive me if it always
Makes me so sad
Yet I also believe
Despite what some think
I’m growing, and magic
I sparkle, and glisten!

You can’t even contain me
My depth is in fathoms
I dance nightly with Trickster
I rearrange my atoms
I release you, darling from that
Bogus obligation
To complete me —
I cherish my essence
And lack nothing
My way of being
Is unique and powerful
This prevails even when I’m
Mournful and sorrowful

Take heart! It is I!
The Captain at large
I stand ever at the helm
Maneuvering the barge
Don’t worry, fear not
I am studied and quick
I’ll overtake any entity
That ***** with my ****

It still pains me to
think of the nasty memories
we cannot un-live

10:06 AM
2/8/21

white petals
now the clouds have
competition

Clouds streak the
setting sun’s radiance,
like waves, like feathers
bowing leftward. A soft
rain falls, a breeze blows
gently from the west.
And from me the sound
of pipes, of words and
exultation, lamentation.
It is in me that the sunset
is exulted. It is in me that
the border of the blue and
purple is seen, the amber
of the center. Around me
the gloaming is falling.
I see, and am whole. I live,
and am not fractured.
This is evening.
This is evening.

When the mind calms down,
the self emerges.