happiness in my life exists transiently.
never have i been able to trust it completely.

on the occasions that things consistently go right,
my stomach drops and my mind keeps me awake at night.

i ponder why i must live in constant fear.
perhaps, it's due to the leaving of people i once held dear.

my hands clasp and try to hold you tight,
but my inner negativity makes this a constant fight.

i pray that one day happiness will be a friend to me.
that i won't fear its leaving and enjoy life peacefully.

David Bowie died
I watched my brother get taken away
by parole officers
Drug charges
He served 6 months
In August I put my dog down
He became unwell
I pet him as the vet
injected
It's hard to say goodbye
In September a dear friend
Was killed on his motorcycle
In Oregon
Smashed by a semi-truck
I was supposed to see him two days later
At a wedding
It's hard to say goodbye
In late October my mother
Had a nervous breakdown
She said she couldn't trust me
Before being taken away in an ambulance
She's not the same person now
Leonard Cohen died as well
And it's not even December

Walking corpse,dead while  breathing
Lost hope and shattered dreams
I see broken hearts ,unhealed wounds
Guilt and pain carried over day after day

Come alive,come alive
Know that you have a portion
Within you lies a solution
Why are you hoarding your gifts

Come alive,the times require you alive
No one will do what you are meant to do
There is your purpose,stored within you
Yet you are moping and letting time go

Why are you breathing really?
When your purpose is undiscovered
Constantly sapping and never replenishing
You are meant to be Alive and add value

Come alive this is the land of the living
And Don't think you have much time here
Get over that pain so you can help others
Arise and begin to shine forth