In the prologue of relapse
I realized my last time was my last

Back when more things weren't right
I'd escape in the night
And put myself somewhere in the clouds
Emptiness embraced me
Nothing has changed lately
Dead leaves were covered in white and brought greener trees

Back? Oh God I'm not going back
Now... I know where I want to be but just don't know how
Alone. Just accept I'll die forever being on my own

Again I'm back here
I thought I could ignore my fears
A constant reminder that I'm not quite cut out for this
I deserve to be loved the way so many others have
Is what's so out of reach for me a goal or illusion?

Falling into the pool that is my thoughts
Drifting effortlessly as my youth rots
The fear that one day I'll be old with nothing or anyone to show
There is so much love in me to give that seems it will forever be cradled in morrow

I think that if I wasn't eternally flashed with fantasy I wouldn't long to share the best of me
I'm imprisoned by what is in my mind
Am I meant to observe and be taunted by the sound of companionship as if I am blind?
I'm not one to be weak but I silently scream in joy at the thought of being saved
Because when time comes that I finally save myself it will have already been too late

You're drawn to trouble and it's killing you yet again
There you are drowning in the puddle you thought you could swim in
You can't make an ocean out of a lake by splashing water
And when it comes to ******* I swear you're such a sucker
Just like how I'm a fool for happily ever after

Though I can't prove an idea that isn't so uncanny,
Being the fact I can control my insanity.
I don't want to be needy but some one to talk sure is handy.  
My friends tell me the same thing my brain tells myself;
That "It's  not your fault you couldn't hold on to her".
Desperation for something and getting nothing leaves me believing I'll be alone forever,
That late winter day when I swore things couldn't have been better,
I was left out to dry and was treated as a stranger.
Now I watch from the outside longing for an answer.
Checking in on each other indirectly a far is honestly ripping me apart.
Just let go I'm not holding on to the past.  
I'm just holding on to the question "why can't anything with anyone last".
Everything blurs and everything fades,
It may not for you, but it always does for me.
If I'm a fool, and if I can live quietly, maybe something or someone will come to set me free.

I* must wake up for all of those sleeping
I can't be normal with all that I'm thinking
I close my eyes and open them, instantly feeling empty
It's hard to rise to the occasion when I'm constantly sinking
Every milestone tumbles down as I drag myself endlessly
I'll watch the world grow as *I implode
Smile after smile while still being hollow
Keep my mouth closed so I can't make a fool of myself
I'll stay alone so I won't be a burden to someone else
And it's been years since a soul offered a helping hand
But I'll fight for what I want instead going deeper in sand
So when Autumn falls I'll be a more whole man.