sometimes
                                                       ­                         my
                                     ­ brain
                       doesn’t
                                                       ­     work

right
                                                ­                               and

                             my

                                              thoughts

     ­                                         scatter

               ­                                                    like
                               beads

                                     spilled
                               on
                                                              ­                 tile

floor

Like ****~

With all due respect, I have to object.
It’s like talking to a wall after a simple “out of turn comment.”
Like **** it wasn’t my intention
I apologized sincerely
but you wasn’t having it.
I’ve come to realize that not everyone shares the same humor
But where the hell do you get off thinking that I’m not useful
I gave my advice I shared my thoughts
“Oh, but you don’t know what I’m going through”
Well what the ******* asked me for, huh?
Answer the question, don’t change the subject
Don’t put the blame on me and pretend I’m spose to let you run it;
The sike of course, you can’t act like I don’t know
Like **** you really throwing me under the bus
Cause you knew I was right
You knew what I said hit home
You knew he was using you but you still carried on.
Like ****
How dare you lie to me
How dare you pretend to care
How dare you look at our previous conversations
And say the mutual feelings wasn’t there
You lead me on, you lied.
But it’s okay I moved along
We stopped talking for a while but you came back on some
“hey what’s going on..?”
Like ****.

Take it
where I cannot go
Take it
where I cannot follow
Bury it
in the ground,
far below
where it can't be found

Burn it, Lord
all to ash
Pick me up
like shattered glass
Find the pieces
here in me
Take me, now
and crucify me

Because I can't do this
on my own
You know that
You've seen that
You see this
You see me now
in the ground,
dying,
not breathing,
lying far beneath,
and grasping
just for air to breathe

Well this dirt on me
has made me see
exactly what I need

So take it, Lord,
all away
Wake me up
to a brand new day
I'm holding up
a yoke of shame
Replace it, God
Don't leave me the same

This load's too much
for me to bear
You see the Truth
in every tear
But I can't turn,
so please come here
And take me to a place
where I can look You in the face
And feel the comfort of your Grace
Because

I long to crucify this sin
I hope that You will take me in
I want to take it
to the grave,
throw it down,
and be remade
(I've tried, I've tried, I've tried)
But I can't do it,
not alone

So I ask You now,
please,
once and for all,
to intercede
for me
I’m asking You, Lord,
please,
just *take it

i thought about it.
that’s what makes this the worst, i think;
i thought about it --
-- and then i did it anyway.

i know recovery isn’t a straight line.
i know recovery is ups and downs, your own
mountain range of
improvement.
sometimes you slide.

i know.
but is it still backsliding if you thought about it?
because i did.
and then i did it anyway.