have you felt my character development yet?

how do i indicate to you what I'd do,
how and when and where where you
i sleep during an infinite number of crime
who knows and who cares, anyway

you look upon me with a broken smile
i thought it would be worth the while for you
to see just what i'd do
to lie and think upon what we were

and i felt, a thousand fleeting moments
inside a cracked heartless lagoon
i can feel anything at all
i can't believe it all when I
fall
to you
to your endless pool
i crawl inside of who you are
all i can think of is always you
but I'll do what i have to do
and i
could cry and want to die
but no
i could hold my own's soul's row
and fly
with you
and sleep with you
what i want to do and what you do too
even as i fall asleep my dreams
are the only escape to this
to cry, sleep to a lullaby
a forgotten log down a river of sighs
there's some hope in
this

goodnight, go to sleep
my friend
i will see you soon, once again
inside the waves inside my heart
you haven't torn it apart

goodnight, go to sleep
my friend
don't you see this can't quite be the end
of it all whatever it is
it just takes a second to **** it in

and if i never **** you in again
and you never take me around again
i wouldn't mind i felt this
all the time
just remember i'll never say goodbye (again)

but go to sleep, my beautiful friend
i can feel you at the coming end
i know where i want to go
i know, where i want to go

go to sleep, my wonderful friend
i will fight with you to the bitter end
and the bitter cold as we get old and
i don't know how but i realized now that
i've got the notion if it happened in the ocean
it would all crash down upon the world

go to sleep, my beautiful end
i will see you again,
my bitter friend.

Vanish-ing into
air
come and let me touch your
hair.

an encircling desire to live a life in dreams
overshadows my lust to live amongst those in reality
blending the two with His hands on my shoulders running down my back
part of the bleeding attack,
i want to see my place in the world with my impression, unable to do so so now i recline
and go to a place where i wake up and feel and **** in the rain again
theonlythingiknowisthat
my inevitable fate will be my revelation

you are the definition of beauty and peace
of my hope my smile i can not frown when you're around
you look you smile as well and one day
our lips will meet as One

soforth the idea my love
your smile your face your laugh
my muse o muse descend as the angel
where are you i feel my heart

*there

If I'm the first one out the door,
will someone stand up and say they love me?
I have been here many times before

I beat my self, emotionally, sometimes physically
what have I done to myself?
I scratch my hair and sigh a little

If I'm the first one out the door,
can I look at you, and smile?
"Stay a while," I'd hope you ask
if I could only bask in your water
but instead I float inside my own tears
(holywater/bornagain)

I will be the last one out,
because I'm too afraid there are people who
truly want me in their life
and through all the pain, and all the grief,
maybe it's ok, maybe it's alright
to go out on a walk at night
search for headlights in the distance,
since stars are covered up by clouds
and I am no longer illuminated by the moon

and maybe soon I can go home
where all the dogs and humans roam
just in case I'm the last one out,
and no one will cry in their sleep
I'll step up where I don't believe,
and no one will remember me
because they told themselves that this is not real
and I want to believe them
oh
I want to believe them
but this is all too real.

I am the one who wants
to
talk to
you
I am the one who wants to hold you
(all day and all night long)

I am the one
who
loves to
buy you
things,
imaginary
distorted rings
I am
the known
the blown
the unsought dreamer
oh, what
to do
I am the
one
who wants
to feel (inside
you)

I can't help
but be, a little bit honest
I can't
not,
be a
little bit
curious
why then
do
i know
what's right in the end
where is my
reward
my Lord, my journey
to the end
to the death
do us part?!

tangle up as One inside the darkness of the mind
break bad the love of mind and put it back together  (******* swine)

i think to know that this is this
and all everything else is a Wish
inside the holy temple of our Mind

since this is Us and let me be someone to be someone we are Someone
i knew the danger before it even worked, and let me be...alone...

I
try to be
fine
along the line
to take what's mine
i knew it the moment I saw you the Real time
the real moment I held you close when you cried
and all that i tried
and all that i did
will be

good

I am yours and I wish you could be mine

one
beautiful
baptismal
spectacular

day
(I am yours)

I called in the new year like I rang in
every other day

it's decided to be cold and i've decided
to be a little to with the times
forget remembrance of things past,
what about remembering what happens in the future?

depends on the definition of future though,
whether it exists, or not, is up to you
which you probably believe it
like how you believe everything
although i do too, from time to time
we just can't seem to convince each other of anything we
believe in

this is the most agonizing time of the year,
with a new year there should be new events,
but everyday seems to be exactly the same as the other
so what's new and old doesn't matter

and i think i'm to blame
because i bet i'm the one who tried to shake you
and break you

all i need you to do is let me
capitalize myself
and perhaps just let me hold you a little bit
before i end up falling away again, and again

i got locked in the times,
but perhaps when you look at me
the sun will come out and shine
and I'll know your mine

or whatever
nightmares and dissapointment are all that come from this ******* weather anyway

put your hands on me, nice cold and arrogant
be with me until time declares us ignorant
of the majestic sun's son's daughters
created in a circle of death,
and life
everythinginbetweenyouandI

the "and" between
soothes underneath you
beds cool and warm
sheets ripped up
pillows destroyed

i can get no sleep when i want to
i'm up all night putting myself
into what ideal
you've created

if i understand
can you understand
that i can be patient if you can be my patient
i'll relieve your tension with my medicine
nice and warm

untilthenithoughtitwasjustaline
no decision has a meaning
i can be your patient too
soothe me until I can get rid of my sickness
insanity,
whatever

i've been annihilated but endless critiques
and praises
but they're all in my head
they're all in my head
(just like us)

you're magnificently beautiful,
inspiring,
but
I'm not saying
a word

if not a dream too
for to fly away from the wind
ironic parallelism slowly take my hand
if there's one thing there is no such thing as the promised land
or give it to me now give it to me somehow
  let it
all come down into a fiery storm of acid rain
and crumbling rubble
what's the time one minute two minutes
i've been looking for hours

where art thou
my hero
my everything

inside inside they lurk
double uu double oo
                                              i believe in the other side of the page
the part where the eye's of the teacher trick
repeating locks of joy of remembrance we're a team
remember rightly
*****
look to the                                                                                    right
yes
right there

never have i ever tried to hurt anyone

but the world is crumbling in reality
every time i drift into the Other
the world ends in a blast of darkness
but then light
only to remember at four
and for this no one can take seriously

lips bleed cracked tulips and roses
gardens die into explosions of white
children not caring that the garden is gone
but snow yes snow defines us the Us of us
our Us
mmmmmmm
takes a bit of change in season to smile
to notice
(run away with me)

the perfect dream
a friend
the girl
an embrace
a soft whisper
a kiss
never want to wake up never want to wake up

the world cries hallelujah peace
and joy to cry and peace
whilst my eyes shut
wanting to go back
the world is burning
while i sleep
the world is turning
while i wake
(never want
what am i to do noticing forever but she's the one who knows it too
not You or the other my peace and joy
an embrace
a kiss
that soft kiss i will never forget
no tests no roads repeating swirling two towers
insert love here
drink my
kiss
to wake up)
never want to wake up from this peace of mind inside of me but when i wake it will be over
until i drift away into her
oh her soft
tender
night lips
if i could find away to make this last forever i would

abletosaygood bye one more time say
heyla ha-ha heyla ha-ha-ha hey
time's a ticking time bomb
anne why home anna time gone
no one's ever gonna hold me like a tomb me me down
throughout the ground no one's coming no one's arriving
meet you half way shove it all down

heyla ha-ha
i'm right here
sink in the black sea

right    so   where were       we?

In the midst of my finest hour,  i lick the power and
choke on the sour
fingers and

coming up and out again to scream
i've arrived at my destination like
some hands on my back again
i'm glad i've realized i'm exactly the difference
of what your best friend's friend's worst enemy
(some ******* like that)

one word can change everything-

what have you become
can't say it's not all my fault, but
all these purposes have gotten worse
as i walk slower down the hallway,
people chocked up together
bonding, yelling
screaming out

Holy Christ,
i've come to rea
lize that i can't remember
why i thought i loved you
(or some **** like that )

(like some obsessive stalker,
getting darker in the night
fading in and eating my oxygen
lighting myself on fire to see my surroundings)

stubborn and obnoxious,
loud and angry
i've come to know i can't be like you, that
you're my enemy

take it with a grain of salt, dear
there's some fear in pathos
paths of pathos
lining up to be shot on the spot
disintegrated
disgusting
delusional and abysmal
i may be that of which can haunt you as you haunted me but
a little smile
can perk around
i'll come around
maybe you'll grow up
to see something and be a little less blind

i hope so (all the time)

the smile’s of thousands of lucky winners
please my trying and my doing
to be someone     unlike the rest
to win everything above the rest
to lose and get right back up again

it was always you
running and running i trip
but your hand
is right there
as usual
to pick me right back up
and send me back right to where i started
this is not a game this is the olympics this is murderball
it’s everything wrong that’s right
this is now this is to survive the survival of millions of natural selections
i’m the survivor i shall not die in vain
name on the paper sign here
-Survivor-

the idea is so foreign to me
so unaware, so pure
so *****, so clean
under the starlight which she praised
on sunny days of nostalgia and honey
she came to me the next day to say hello
but she never said good-bye

and partially it was my fault
but partially it was her's
everyone had their beautiful intimate moments
everyone I knew
they all complained and cried
and some of them said they would even die
but who am I to judge
the closest thing I ever had was far away
and now she's even farther.

when I think about going back in time
to change so many little things
I think of the sad times
the crippling times
since they've been so abundant

and maybe the idea is so foreign to me
that it's a dream I cannot remember
that it's in a place unrecorded
not written down
a town in the middle of nowhere
somewhere I need to disappear completely
somewhere I finally need to see

a few years ago I'd breathe in the sea
and the sea would breathe in me
when I believe the time has come
I will think of her and colors
caused by oil on the pavement
explode in my head

and I dream forever, and ever

assume the position

hold on to your right hand
as I to
the left

get back in the corner
brace yourself for the
fall

and
take it down              a little bit
(in solitude)
mention myself mentioning myself
held
on
to
the
dream

and fall right down
(hold me back up)
I knew what I had to do
and if I knew, what it was like
to be you I'd have to

assume
the
position
let it be heard
out to the world
my ideas, and my strengths
and the wills, not the woulds
could have would have if I tried
forgot for a second how to cry
except for the things that don't even pertain to me at all
and my excuses, if I may, could I throw my life away
and forget
the biggest one of all
I look to the sky and wonder why and wonder why and wonder why
but lie to myself and tell myself that everything's fine
(it's all in your mind) and why, oh why
couldn't you do more
am I lying on the floor for peace, or for
attention
try new things, again
all in
my mind
I'll look at
you
from far away
down the hall
wanting to call your name out, and hold
on a little bit
I know you feel the same way, I know it's like that
and honestly, I think you could be, more scared than me
about *this

and that's what she probably thinks
I know her better than myself
that's the idea
that's where we find our meaning
in each other's thoughts
we cannot hear, we only make up
choices are wrong and I've tried hard
to stop
and cry
I do it all the
time
and I think you know
if you knew
you'd understand
feelings  in real life are alien to you
but they're there
in fantasies of
assuming the position
I know it's true
when I look at you
and you look back
and I look over every face
every mistake cannot be reversed

but still, maybe
if I wanted to
I could just confess
in real life
that I have never and ever and never will again
feel the same way
about this
and you're my goddess
forever, and ever
you've shaped my
everything
more than you'll ever know
and words are ****
sometimes
emotions are worse
I am the Fall
get away from me
get away from me
get away from me
all of you, yes, all of you
get away from me
won't you see
that I'm right
here under
the polluted stars

and then I think

as everything grows
quieter
and quieter

that every face hides the
same thing

and then I know
the words need
to stop
they need to stop and everyone's looking
at the aura and the pain and
no one can feel it again and

I held tightly
the idea
that everyone reading is actually myself

I could die a hundred times over just to restart
but no matter
just stare at me
all of you
and I'll only look at you

it's not dark, it's light
let me in through the gates to drown in the sea of
mindless people
you're all so pitiful
you're all so sad, and for some reason
it's the only thing that makes me

mad

throw you the bone O most powerful
of Lord's on High you are most praised
every day every hour every minute
quick fast slow slower fast faster than all
running from nothing yet commanding everyone to do your labor

i'm not the One so don't demand me to become like You
godless God Godfearing individuals look to people like a Sun
when the dealing's done and the woman's left at the feet of the most Mighty
where is the question, why is the question, what's the answer then
for whom do the bells toll when everyone's deserted

they all tell me the same thing every time so I'll stop asking the same questions for now
the answers will never come no matter how much i wonder
how long i wait
i'm just a speck of dust in a world of sand and droplets of water in the ocean

but i happen to have One hope, one life, one dream

So, dear
tie me up let me loose for she loves me she loves me not
the more important questions of the eternal ones
she's the one I look at for through her I see the Infinite Lordloving Sun
And I have to admit it
It most certainly and most curiously makes me smile a warm smile.

there's a place
                               illuminated
by thousands of shining stars
where Heaven looks down in a kickback smile
where your drift over the air like a goddess holding an apple

and it's a place just for you and me where
no one else will ever be allowed entrance through the invisible gates
one day we will go there to sprint among the flowers and drink from the Nectar a sign saying
Welcome to the Garden
you smile and the flowers rise and the animals run
how peaceful how beautiful this thing this dream this
(give me your heart, dear)

outside there was invisible rain:

forgetting everything at once, I blinked

the colors changed and the tone settled until I blinked once more

the colors came back, the tone arrived on time

a mere hour beforehand I looked at her face

beyond time and space, throughout the souls of everyone in the room(don’t give up)

the only one I thought of was you, looking at you

what was causing your agreement…

can our eyes not even meet?

(meet me here, leave me there-take me a journey)

there’s no reason to bother anymore



I drifted away from the passion

focusing on the important details(my hero making strong points)

across from me, the other

at least she looks at me and smiles

-no, I can’t

can I? float between souls again to feel at peace

this is not a debate or an argument

we should just work like it does for other lovers

but no, that’s not how it works

walking to the end of the earth would not help



I’ve really crashed this car into the wall

to forget it all

the colors disappear and reappear

did I drift off? or tricks and invisible rain and

why don’t you just listen to my message!

this shouldn’t be such a game

-at least she looks at me and smiles

therefore everything I’ve ever created should burn

and on its side it will turn

over and let me fall off

(you’re not getting my message!)

throughout time and space, floating through the souls not in front of me anymore

but in my head instead

which makes me ask the question-



(where am I?)

does she care for me?

if the smile is a truth than I’ll fly

it would be worth it in the end, I presume



you need to just listen…                                                                                               (O save me iridescent soul!)

can’t you just listen!                                                                                                       (O forgotten ended beginning)

your eyes-meet mine?                                                                                                   (O never again forgotten love)

this is the place, the time, and the season…                                                         (O invisible rain pour down!)

                                                                                                (O invisible rain come down and cleanse my soul while I drift between you and her and her and you; forget me not! this is for you, for you to not fall into a black hole forever layered over images of the past and the future. beyond reason, beyond reality, we need to cut it in little pieces and burn it all for our love to kindle and explode into the night sky! I need your help with this one, before I fall down and into her arms, but if that’s what you want, and what she wants, so be it, forever, and ever, and ever…..)

white layered over white layered over white….

O save me iridescent soul, send your invisible rain to pour down, and like cupid’s bow, create love, somewhere, between someone and I

white over layered white over layered white….

Have you forgotten something? at least she looks at me and smiles

black overcoming white the overcoming of the blue overcoming the past….

I’m ready to accept it all, just throw it on me as we travel

past the overcoming of the blue overcoming the white overcoming the black-

(once again we)

Cut it!

He looks like an eternal night, but I have seen the rising sun of glory ascend over the hills of grace. I have watched as it vanishes like a sigh in a gentle clap of a storm. My time is up. My body aches. I am not who I am.
I have travelled far to take revenge on myself. I drift through dreams and reality. I’m here to take what’s mine and mine alone. If I could I would I’d rip all the wallpaper down, strip the room, stare at nothingness. It will remind me of the empty fields I look upon now. You are the one I see. I am nature, you are fate, he is creeping up on me. I am coming for both of you.
I have allowed myself to shake my arms and let my knees collapse. He whispers to me. He controls me. I cannot shake him, but I do not surrender.
I know I know my place, your face, his eyes in the dark. I can feel him move like rapid flashing photographs. We’re all here.
I can be a holy trinity too, an uncontrollable time bomb.
My chair rocks back and forth as my body aches. I am needy. I am meek, but I will not be week. I will look at myself in the mirror until he appears on the other side and grabs my head and smashes it against the mirror. I could confess, but confess nothing.
Once upon a time I was told about the Two. The Two sides, to every story, to every man, woman, and child. The discoverable entity, synchronicity, iontegrity...
Give your love to me.
I sigh because I vanish, I pine away because I echo.
My place in life is controlled by something some kind of someone, someone inside of me, some kind of force, the Two, the one, the other, oh God...I can not crawl into myself to scratch him out.
My Two lives, my iontegrity, control me. I live in both reality, and dreams, but which one is which when they’re are always red eyes behind your back that pat your shoulder, sending you into that inevitable shake.
If I could I would I’d tear myself away, starting over tomorrow, with or without you. But he will always haunt me. I may not win this battle with myself. I am not afraid, somewhere deep inside me how wants me to win, and I can’t give him what he wants, or else he does win.
I can slam doors and smash my hands against run-down desks. Fate is fate. Lock me away to deal with my insanity, my iontegrity, the entity that holds me...my time is up.
What’s best is best. I can still feel him tearing away, black glue seeping out….some kind of joke...this has to be some kind of joke…
I only wish, but still as I descend into my broken memories he’s still there.

In the end you’re so different that you’re completely the same.

I will go one, with or without your love, or support. I hope you understand, I really do. You must believe me, your breath soothes my soul. No crucifixion can repent me from this. I will not be treated as the vessel that holds the universe. For I have seen the rising sun of grace...I will go on. If I could I would tell this to you out loud and dream of an upstream morning to visit and get to the top of those hills. I will not sigh.
And so the temple crumbles down.
How beautiful this is, so darkly beautiful to be controlled by a shadow. He’s everything. Yet I can feel myself sinking in, oh God, I must go on. You must believe me...your breath….your hair...the sunrise...whisper to me, I find it comforting to know you’re near me. I am not an ambiguity. I am not empty. If I could I would I’d give this all away…

I am not ambiguous, even if iontegrity tells me so. I will be who I am, and take revenge on myself. I will not let myself be beaten down by the powers of the godly waves. For I may walk amongst a shadow, but to cast a shadow, there must be some kind of light.

world's a hot place,
doing 90 on the road to Broadway,
what did I say?
where did she go
What do I know?

how do you feel?
do you know what's here,
and what's real?

you have questions about
questions for questions asked
to prophets and leaders,
he's blacked out in the gutter,
through the sewer
how'd one get to be so political?
one like me can't be so hypocritical,
you're skeptical like me,
anxious,
asking who do I want to be?
Where do I want to go?

I thought two years, hell,
no one year that this is what I would do
but the longer I go,
the higher I climb,
the farther and faster I fall,
(did I hear you call?)

I wake up every day late and
sweating, saying
I'm betting today will be exactly
the same as yesterday

I bet you're angry,
but today I was happy,
even if the farther I go,
without someone to touch,
makes me think I can do so much

but it's pathetic
(who's worthless now?)
2.

I went to bed wet and tired,
fired up and worthy,
watching videos til three in the
morning,
waking up at eleven to squeeze some hours of worthlessness
into my life

this is the second part,
I have words left,
you took my keys and never came back,
well I just go home and sit and pack
up all my things into corners of my room
while people yell at me in my mind
because there's no better way to pass the time than
wondering about the future

I wonder so much I've lost all my wonder,
I dream so much but I can't even remember,
I don't even cry anymore,
the sad thing there's nothing to cry about

so I guess in the future when I do finally cave in,
when the waterfalls flow,
then that'll be a real sight,
they'll turn around and say,
"Hey, did you hear that so and so made Sayer cry?"

What a pity,
where did my inspiration go?

the longer you go without someone's touch,
the more you love them so much,
you forget lunch,
you're the most depraved of the bunch

I hope you have a good life,
I still have words left,
but I wake up hitting my pillow
after remembering to release every once in a while

I have lost the ability to think and love,
that the only thing to love is myself,
I hope one day I am as unlucky as you
to scream in my head is a pleasure,
your affection wasn't a treasure
you are worthless and pitiful,
and I'm sure you can **** all night,
all right,
you can **** all night
and I can laugh at the thought,
who would have thought,
that you could **** all night,
all the way
until the moon sails over,

who's worthless now,
huh?
Who made the mistake
Who's head is in a basket
i won't be in a casket
and you can make a racket while
i swim in summer's breeze
(all by my lonesome self)
I'm the ***** now

(it's unmissable)
what do you want
I am the master of my own fate
but deep down inside my self wants everything to fail
so i keep on rowing the boats and breathing while I sleep
to reach the destination everyone wants to get to but some wait longer
like me and patient as i am i can no longer survive so instead
i live and live on because I keep rolling on to get better
and better instead things keep dwindling down
until i reach the bottom and there I softly
hit the ground because They want me
to keep going and rolling on (to get
better and better) so I listen to all
of them like I have before and
the music cracks louder
and there's a pause
when you look
at me so I
smile

at the end I see the door
there is no heaven and there is no hell
they're just going to send me right back
to the ******* beginning again
(it's unmissable)

a yellow beam:
the town erupts with a scream
a scream
a dream
my team
you, can I (you and I)
break me down into my particles
something's behind my back
something's ruptured inside
i've fallen apart

i don't want your condolences for nothing
how can i complain when i have virtually everything in
the world i could ask for
i just have to close my eyes and
...
crash

i've been struck by eternity,
and the idea that there's someone else in my body
this ****** into the inside
i feel our shadows collide

time to be the man with the plan
want my checklist, you want my
nothing, everything
i'm unable to do a lot
able to do something
except define me
control me
see
it's not that hard
play the card
win your earnings
drag it into your pockets, shove it;
shove it in there
feel uncomfortable
feel like me,
see
again
the never ending bittersweet
perfect circle
drawn by hand, by
the man
the accomplished
sorry, so sorry
sorry i'm not your idea of
a *******
man
but i must release this
i'm the man with the plan
i must go on

i've been struck by eternity
and the idea that there's someone else in my body
time to slide right out of this dream
unto reality, with a beam of light

i will be me
you too
i will hold you
until the night comes and day passes by
the dream that one day
we will come full circle
and that
i will understand that
everything is not a plan

you need to too
you need to too
you need to too
you need to too
you need to too

coming out from the water
and into the light
breathing heavy
then smoothly
I come out of the fight

time ***** in my waterfall
and time tips over the filth (and lies)
and storms come over to break the rules
and expectations and strike its lightning with force
and disgusting tests and trials
set fire to the trails to send out a message
SAVE OUR SOULS

perhaps I would
no longer would I love the invisible taste of
broken walls
and I come up from the water one more time
breathing heavily,
then smoothly as I come to shore
(who will rescue me?)
I think I've find the answer but it's still buried deep
in the sand

"don't complain"
I understand, I won't, I won't
I won't I won't I won't

II

no one's going to respond
I think I can feel the wind pushing me back
to make me spiral back into the void

**** the void
got everything I need right here
packed bags and held up
burnt chapters from years ago

how did they detect this?
got out of here alive
which might be an understatement
blasted out

(walking on the sand digging killing
eating dying trying flying in my mind)
you gotta know
the wind's blowing me back
into the void
invincible so I just have
to avoid it
until I've come full circle
(the whole island's a circle)
but who cares
the birds are coming down
from the town
that isn't there
(grow up)
I already have
still got a lot to do
lots of doors to open
but come on
the wind is blowing me back into the void
but it doesn't matter much


III
life's an abrupt ending
starvation on the beach with no way home
the wind can take me back home
since I just needed to wake up
all I ever needed to do
wake up
I'll I ever needed to do
wake up
hold on
wake up
got something stuck right here
it could be gone
I think it's looking up from here
blazing fires fuel my eyes
I'm just back in the water
doesn't matter
never has
I have this
wake up
I'veneverwantedwhatineverwantedionlywantedwhatiwanted
life's abrupt
"grow up"
I already have

bye

sometimes things taste much too real
drop the ball know just don't let me
steal
the body a
away like you did like before
flat down face pounded on the floor like before

i will not
i will do
i will see
and i will reduce
to the
war

raising the bar
and sick of the smoke
battered down and sent to choke

blue is the blue as read is the red
and if i were to leave here
i would be
dead
and if i could try
perhaps i won't sigh
any
more

and i will not cry
for i will not die
i'll take what's mine
i'll cross your line
i'll figure it out, this destiny
whatever fate is
don't bury me alive

black
holes
black
coal
what's the matter with

love
life
peace
little conflict
dreams
peace
time
sharing itself

back in the hole
stretched and un
even
i'll be there too, crossing your line
and i'll take what's mine
because I am here too
you are there

oh, lets
look again
can they see you from-

lost and found again
lost inside the sin
of what's inside sin's sin
if everything's wrong if every
things tried
and pined away
today
i'll go on

can they see you from the end of the-

road's on fire
the road's on fire from
the tree that holds the liar
with a finger on his lips
cut off finger tips
i'll take what's mine
cross your line
can they see you from the end of the street
inside the window
changing lust
backyard dust chokes me down to the end
this is a friend
alone on my own
can't you remember what you said

can they see you from the
inside
can they see you from the in
side
feel you touch breathe you from the inside
inside your line
taking what's mine
predetermined des
ti
ny

(you're wrong, you're wrong
so
long)
freezer ice
back to what's nice

time goes by

we are,
human
we
are,
hu
man

I would love myself
if I didn't find myself so inadequate
I would teach myself
teach myself to be more casual

the diamond in the rough
is the youth who had to tough it up
mixed with the blood
of drinks on explorations

explorations done twice,
the diamond is the horse,
the horse that runs fast and far
the man-child passed out on the bar

time is a *****,
time is my boring ***
filled fantasies,
the diamond in the rough

give me grace,
or give em death
hold it to me,
or let me take my last breath

I would love myself,
if I was so casual
I would love myself,
if I didn't breathe dirt

I miss words
I miss words that
I  miss words that were
I miss words that were censored
I miss words that were censored by myself

You're a stone,
I'm alone
what's the difference,
the circumference,
of my pride

(in a life like this,
nothing is worth a ****)

I would love myself
if I didn't find myself so inadequate
I would teach myself
teach myself to be more like her

i am my own microphone
hello, is this thing on?
wonderful, *******
vegetable
lying on my couch

on my bed, naked
rolling over on top
of the invisible  bump under the
covers

time's my own ghost
drop down the bombs
drop down the time bombs
something
ticking
down
slowly
like
me

work it, time to rip apart the
******* vegetable like it's my
own skin when I'm bored
there's no meaning, to this, juxtaposed reality
i'm just sorry it kills you
sorry it kills me
to say that I need you
to say that I want you
to know that i I wonder
will you
ever
ever
never
ever if
i would
i could
i would
take my heart
rip it apart
(would you like this?)

no body fits into me
screaming
gleaming with a face
so young, so old
grow old together
naked as i was born
unremembered
drugged
take me as a gift
as i wallow through the **** and mud and blood
all over the place it's all over the place
and exploding endings take their place in hell or heaven or
some distant Elysium
wonder if i had it in mind to tell you
so stupid, so sorry
once again again
i rip the ******* vegetable
like my skin when I'm bored
there's no ******* meaning to this juxtaposed reality
just all this pouring **** mud and blood all over me

kick my body out to the right
spiraling in spiraling into
the void cut down and slicing like
a blade in the dark
a bark
that's forgotten in the depths of the night

a symphony of black holes screams out as blood shoots out
from the sun reminding me of when it all fell down

time likes me likes you
what do i do
take it all away from you
take it from me everything
i want you to take everything from me

spiral into my existence while
you destroy me.

my ocean is what drowns the soul
she said to me, on a warm winter day:
"you just need to hold on"

and hold on to what, I wondered
falling into that invisible pit I heard
you say to be happy for what I deserve

through the window feeling the crisp air of beauty
the rotting people lying on the streets, my window,
my window, blocked and inescapable
the danger is real, yet I accept this fate
and my faith in your beauty upon my hand
and your invisible body against mine at three in the morning
your hand over my shoulder, my sigh
my body shivering and letting out a scream
I feel as if I've jumped out of my body

the ocean takes my soul and turns it to water
from the water I came and from the water I go,
worst fears seem more realistic than the best dreams
of a childhood lost and the future unexplainable
'you have to wait' but I cannot, I cannot
'But you have to'

nothing is as good as the feeling of lost waves and lost measurements
my walk through the darkness is a clean one,
my god, my god, can I be the light
can this be the light
and the two men smoking said to each other:
'This is what I wanted, what I wanted was good, and what was good was what I wanted'
what I wanted was a surreal day dream
the waves upon my back, and my face caressing the
soft shore and the girls lying down while the boys play on the sand
I have never fallen in love with a beach, or a person, but an idea
and that's worse than anything in the world
straightforwardness asks for recompense and I am part of the ocean
when I look up to see your face, and feel your lips, your cold lips
that have never felt what it feels to be so random
'again, and again, I want to try again'

I stare at you as if you're leaving on a train, far, far away, and I can do nothing about it because I can see forever and forever, and you still wave, and this moment is eternal
and that's what makes me fear for eternal life, an eternity of you just staring at me
wanting, wishing, hopefully just like me
just like me I see the stars above so late, so early
whatever is whatever, the subtly, the dreams
they are nothing since I have chosen this according to the masses
they do not understand, and they will not understand, and they will never understand
the trumpets, the waves, the ocean, the moon and the earth all explode with my opus
my dream my wants and my desire to be good at something for once,
or perhaps to have something ****** upon me
because everything is not random as I lean over the invisible balcony staring down at the road
and I picture a picture of you and you were me and I was me and then finally I was you
and I wished I could change, oh Jesus, I wished I could change, to switch
I shake in the moment, my knees collapse in my idea of eternity, to be on the moon,
to be falling through the skies not as two beings but as one
and that is a dream and that is tonight
but tonight is almost over because midnight has reached a few hours ago and
three is over by a long shot
and they clap their hands, they clap their hands
as I leave the mystery behind me as they say, in unison,
'You have chosen this'
Yes, yes, I have chosen this
this inevitability, this randomness, this recurring everything that is
everywhere inside my mind and upon the paper and whatever I do is just the same, so please, oh god, please, oh god, please stop trying to drown me in the grace that I have tried to accept, because I am you and you are me and we fall again because this is the Fall and I think I understand but I don't and I never will

and the sun rises up without you beside me,
to add to the symbolic nature of your long hair that reminds me of fire
and I try, and I try, and I try, and I try
to just be me and I tried to be me once again as I stared at the timeline
and then back at my idea of you and that's what is destroying everything inside and out
as I hold on to that idea, because people may leave, and people may stop loving, and people may die, but the idea never dies
so I sit in my chair or lay in my bed or lean over that invisible balcony and whisper the same words over and over again as I stare at you going to Nowhere on the train that never ends because I'm already stuck in eternity, those words, oh god, those words that can make the strongest of men and the most beautiful of women vanish:
'I love you'
(yes I did I do I did I do I did I do)
Do not drown me, because from water I came, and water I will return

*exeunt

lay

down                                                 right nex
t
       o

there       sleep                                                                      well

and sleeep tightttttttt
dream soft
dream
brig
                    ht

words ****                             words bite                        

time flies
time hurts

your Hair
your per
fect
face
like  a            sun
shining
some
where

wor
ds
am
i am
i know
to seed the
farm
and let the bodies
let them go
and let me go
i'll be right                there
to see it through and throw my hands right through your hair andc cry out yes and hold you close and put your lips right on my mouth
and eject
...
hold
me
close
...
and
go
away
i
now

i'm
lonely
on
vicarious
envy
you­
only

you only you only you only you only  you only  you only  you only  you only  you only  
love me
...

meanings have no meaning
souls that never really crossed paths
crushed beneath large trucks
what is this world we live in
life is a wall made up of consequences
and I can't even do it

and the stomach twists and turns
the worst case scenario rakes and rips me apart
until I ***** blood and waterfalls
can't clean it up

what is the meaning
what is a life
no one's talking about it
that life's a wall made up of consequences for my
and your actions
remains of the day try to smile
at the sun because the sun is up and up is good
and I can't settle myself in for a goodnight's sleep anymore
because I'm not young anymore and it's time
to grow up and be a man and be a man and grow up
and never again will I (have I never ) wanted to wander into
death's black shadow over the
reaper reaping ***** souls

(I love you all)
the grand piano's
broken because someone
went in there (restrain myself)
comments are the life and what is life
anyway
and the words and the songs sweep me over and send me flying over the ocean
because that's where I can take it (I'll never do it again I promise)
and truth is I'm afraid of being a little too much
but in the end I'll just be too little
(eye contact)
and then this happens and my god
I wanted it a little while ago and I
could feel the sun inside of my chest
burning and there was hope
for the first time
but then it hit me
crashed into me
when everyone's lying down to **** in and wait for the end
to come and swoop them up
so we never remember their thoughts and memories
that it doesn't even matter
if I can't do anything to anyone
(too much, too little)
somewhere in the middle is where I want to be
(can't you all see?)
I've arrived at the point of no return (again)
only to be here again
stop worrying
life is life
body
falling apart
everyone's falling apart
and as I think of souls that never passed that will
say they did it, they really did it
they really cared (like I do(n't))
my god, we try to look up

*and You were coming down, I think
You were coming down to save us all
You were coming down the save us all
You were coming down to save us all
but you couldn't withstand the Fall

away far away gone astray at the end of the
black
road
time strays on the ashtrays of solemn ground
brought all around on the old playground
and i take in what's mine
all the time
and i love to feel at home
as i'm
loving the high go fly by and by
as i say bye
to this dream
i love all the answers and ask all the questions
but i can never return

i will remember you, as i
take my final step
and
i will remember you
as i
know where to go
and i will remember you
take you to the other place
(far, far and away)

the past is the secular
wonderful clear decision
locked in the box of our
juxtaposition

i am full of doubt, and
my time is
running out

i will hit the floor
till i can't scream
anymore

oh, take me with you to the end
i don't want to be me anymore
if there's a thing of connection I'd want
to connect with you

it's only a matter, of unpredictable time
and i know, oh i know
this is how it ought to go
and i
will remember you
as i turn, and face the crowd
i follow you, and
in the end,
you're still my
sweetest
friend

back when i could remember something fake
i think deep down inside i could understand and dream
and dream i do today but i've waited for my take
so one day i'll run down the dirt from the woods into the stream

that was who i was sitting desks apart little child
little child look at me it's me it's really me
look up at the sun the weather's a tad mild
(for my taste) i look at You and do you see it do you see

i think now you do and the waiting's worth it
and wait i did and wait and wait and wait and i waited for you
deep down knowing you really did (a little bit)
i just hope it's the same obsession you have like i too

time and time again (i will spend my eternity with you)
you told me people were meant to be with each other like the stars align in the sky
i agree oh god i agree (just love me) i want to
i want to feel your heart and my hand through your hair and sigh

i think this is the world dream you resemble it with perfection
you can take everything because you deserve it all
don't let me go don't let me be some kind of correction
or something and on and on i'm a little (tall

er) than you but no matter no matter so many differences yet the same
our hearts and souls match and it makes me smile
and you too I notice it You notice me
you see me you see me you see me i know you see me I feel you see me you see-
(for all it's worth it'll be worth the while)

Love I believe knows no bounds
no walls no rivers that are impossible to cross no mountains can ever separate those who Love
in Friendship and in the love between two souls such passion
i think everyone's got a little bit of goodness in their hearts
and through needles and knives and heartbreak there is some sort of glitter of Hope

somewhere and somehow this is life and without anyone so many heroes and the people
can be taken for granted until i realize this is it and love knows no bounds
nor earth nor the universe nor heaven nor hell can stop it
between me and my Life and me and the deepest friends, some I've never seen with my own two eyes
there are no bounds i wish for all a life of greatness and peace
if i had one wish it would be that that not just I to be happy but for All
that's the one prayer that i can still pray

and today there is that bright white shining light
that star that we can all go out and reach
my Life, my love, my fire my peace I hold my drink up to it all through differences So?

my hero my unseen Love my shapes
that's what I have to thank
i do I do Love all of you there's no way I couldn't
tears of joy are the greatest so that's what I shed
Love knows no bounds so I love everyone I can.

Adieu

Stop the music. Please, just stop the music....
Violin Cello Poetry:
      
                        Marry myself unto sleep again
one’s the one that usually is true
when again to curse the blue
Ella, I’m in Love with you.

I am a nightmare of the highest run to my parents degree
I give myself time to right the wrongs and to be
l(j)ust like every time to every clock to every rhyme
and every corner to every sign

through me you see ha to ha
Ellaaaaaha-ha Yes
Yes I knowing the know now
                        I have the right to sing well and ta da
Elaaaaaaaaaa
Elllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Blackout

and then there was the the idea of Then and Now

Do nothing? Do something? My mind and body is being pulled in different directions yet the only way I want to go is with you
it was harder to know the directions when you're not next to me
yet in the same room
the songs plays on

i knew that moment was cracking
some barrier broken, me looking into your face (yet not your eyes)
i felt the Two one in complete Eden and like a complete disgrace
killed and split right in two
yet i knew i wanted this i always wished for it
for years (implying you have)
my hand on your back
i moved it up and down
just to sink into the sound
oh god
how beautiful
how couldn't i tell you

but the rest of the day was
something exploding inside the night
as i felt a disconnect from earthly things
my fault, I'm sorry
my mind everywhere i walked on among the silence
and maximum volume of my thoughts
and do i love you or do i feel connected to you?

tempted by snakes and broken down by evil
living life in the veil
someone screaming in my ear:
can't you hear?
delusion or confusion (or love)
you've always been my here and i don't want to
go in the other direction no matter how satisfied i'll be
i don't want to scream about some ******* influx of dreams in the night so then drinking from the ocean i'll shoot up and bellow:
can't you see
you were supposed to save me

because perhaps i don't want to know but i don't know what i did considering that I've done something in the first place because i really haven't done anything ever

as i Unshape my infinite parabola (it mutates)

into a speck of dust and oxygen

within a blinking moment

i embrace the curiosity that flows inside my soul.



into a speck of dust and oxygen

love seems to escape my heart and mind

i embrace the curiosity that flows inside my soul

and I feel better and worse at the same time



love seems to escape my heart and mind

every single time i look into your eyes (and emotion)

and i feel better and worse at the same time

i try to free myself from who i am



every single time i look into your eyes(and emotion)

i attempt to see a little bit of me inside of you

i try to free myself from who i am

so i can become more like you



i try to see a little bit of me inside of you

i’m locked inside a box and i cling on to hope

so i can become more like you

for you will free me from my world.



i’m locked inside a box and i cling on to hope

(feel that sense of affinity i embrace)

for you will free me from my world

(i’ll convince myself never to forget)



(feel that sense of affinity I embrace)

i may not be able to hold your heart

(i’ll convince myself never to forget)

nevertheless you’ll still be a Radiant angel.



i may not be able to hold your heart

i’m afraid of the outcome of disgust

nevertheless you’ll still be a Radiant angel

i’ll still be pounding on the doors of self-destruction



i’m afraid of the outcome of disgust

the Clocks will no longer tick

i’ll still be pounding on the doors of self-destruction

so i’ll lay it all down upon the cracked rocks



the Clocks will no longer tick

and for eternity the essence will be vanquished upon the land

so i’ll lay it down upon the cracked rocks

the thoughts of abandoning my trial



the thoughts of abandoning my trial

into a speck of dust and oxygen

and for eternity the essence will be vanquished upon the land

as i Unshape my infinite parabola (it mutates)

across the mountains
           and the land
the sea whispers
                    mistakes

made of stone
on the ground,
the rocks on my back
stabbing in there,
I know you're there
I know this is what I get
I've gotten it now, mrs. ms. miss
yes, I have
smile your invisible smile. Right?
right
yes, right
sigh
there's nothing to ask me
don't ask anything
shh
not one more word
you voice sounds like someone else I know
but it's time to move on
carry everything from the bonds
to the chains
to the words
and to the answers
and you can look at me and tell me finally that you've
waited all this time that you, yes you
finally want me
and I'll lay back down on the sharp rocks and say
I have you now
I have you now
I have you now

poetic leaves create memories of summer,
endless hours of happiness
exchanging words, living in our little worlds
god, what happened to Us?
my agony in our subtlety, do you feel it too?
perhaps we've both failed each other
i'm sorry,
forgive me
we'll come to see
somehow, and someway
that we will find out what true love is one day

words
be
tter
soft
   and not sorry
non apologetic
shivers

warm skin hot candles
back t
o
the
good
stuff(like you)
never,
really
ever

would if i could
would you
remember me
if you
could
would you
remember who
i
actually
wanted to
be

never,
really
tumbling towers
toppling over
copying
words  again

and all this to be meaningless
perhaps
i'm a dying art
(put your mind into it)
naturally curious
about me
and my
dying slipping art

nothing ever works

i ****** in my reality,
and fell into the dream

sick to
            sweat cold to the
bone
once again home again lying down
the words the picture made by the words

such a soft sweet voice
making the drum beat gently enough to loud and louder
scream a
again

the pictures and the words make the stream flow
understand a little
just understand

check me see if it's
bro  k
en
what do i need to see the being up within me
the road to the back of me i'm walking backwards

this is not the path i was supposed to go on
but stopping to get on my knees wont help me anymore

(it is as it always is was as it always does
good to you look at you
and your imaginary dress I love it
let's go into town for a day beforehand
god, you're beautiful
i hope you know that
just the gallivanting and the laughter could make me happy
smile a little just smile
perk up
there we go
look up
let's go
let's go into
let's go into into
let's go into town for(ever) a few hours before the big Night)

[her face is my most wonderful creation
just respond and check me
unplug put on some makeup
scream inside silence and dreams]
refluff to me circiling 'round ruin everything You ruin everything

Undecided frontages in the back of the garden
bleeding orchids look through you with
shots refired and rewound
through time slowly i see
i want to become what
reality has plunged
me into broken
clocks and Time
defeats me
crushing
me

Forget me lost here
I'm right behind the
forgotten soul survivor

                         you're the Truth
I'm the lie

sinking in the depths

what do I need
to crawl back up
my muscles tear, my body aches
                             the same button stops working overandoverandover&overagain; *******
i strain it all you're the light to my day the sugar to my tea
yet my tea is never sweet enough
bitter burning tongue tasting wallowing sadness ****
                                
             Simple words, the curse of my being
how powerful they seem
one affect over the other saying
~hello, I am death, destroyer of words
how courteous thou art, how brave, and wonderful

(I'm onehundredandten%ready, dear)

informing madness slowly softens me so I dare not respond
i forgot now did i, same capitalization as it ever was
I i I I I i i I love you, I love your idea, the picture the
bitter burning tongue tasting wallowing sadness ****
that's how I live and feel, it's not that bad
waiting it out, waiting it out
time's a bunch of different strands
notes played by Orpheus
come to me my love, where you go I go
staring at the water I don't
you're my own reflection to love
burning O song of the Sun
waiting it out, waiting it out
I love you, you love me
hopefully
waitingwaitingwaitingwaiting
you're the most beautiful girl in the world
that's a glorious fact
I'll keep waiting
waitingandwaitingwaiting
lying sleeping dreaming writing waiting waiting
blasphemy mouth of the Universe, tell me
why must I wait for her in eternal strands
waiting longer shorter faster slow down slow down
over and over again waiting

I'm the most patient man in the Universe.

The Piano creates the rain
sadly reminding girls of boys of the strain
that is the world outside
and the cries from wolves that are muffled by the
trucks colliding with each other
at midnight

and the world is what wants to say goodbye
for I know that it is I that wishes to start all over
every day only dreaming that the world
could be screaming an scheming to send me back
to know the do's and the do not's of the standards
of the universe
and the galaxy ***** the world in the spits it back out
every time I wake up

the bed spins and I chew packs of gum within an hour
for all the power held to me is the vulnerability of my
wealth and steam
and the girls inbetween

through the insults and the rain
I have left my mark across the scale
and in vain I have fallen to the bottom
this time still chewing lots and lots of gum
to keep me occupied from the thoughts
that are slowly making my mind more gray
and it was fine for a little while
and perhaps I'm only overreacting,
that I'm underrated and someone's
angel that exploded into a star
but slowly eternity isn't looking so peaceful,
only sleep.

(I)
The other side of the page
is filled with a few lies
that are deciphered by the weak
(but who would you be, then)
all I need is some truth
that I can turn into the
first thing that comes to mind
(you would understand, though, wouldn’t you)
I can turn you into a
piece of paper and write your
story for you so that I
can understand exactly how you feel

(II) Float In The Air
it doesn’t take much time to float in the air
watching the ground go further and further from beauty
she would smile and be proud as I would of her
and hopefully she would float in the air with me
so that she too could see the wonder of the ocean
coming in to set the world pure of evil
but then would she frown in disappointment
that it isn’t anything she expected it to be
(or the fact that she never wanted this at all)
but I’ll bounce back into the ocean
that will bring me anywhere it wants to take me

and at the other end of the world
if it would be one hundred miles or one thousand
we would be able to find each other
because the pull of our hearts are just strong enough
to bring us back together(forever)

(III) Final Sip
as I take my final sip of this nectar
I feel refreshed, (still floating), come with me
an interesting chemical reaction of beauty and obsession keeps me flying

but on the other side of the page
could you meet me there to say hello
and perhaps that hello can drift into something more meaningful; something worth remembering
and that will bring me down to the ground
finally
and
I’ll
dry
you
off

I don’t need to look it up if the room is dark and hysterical

crazy as it will ever be and out of my peripheral vision comes the world’s longest highway

a place where no indicator will tell me if she wishes to tell me something important

a place where people go and ride forever into the breeze of the crying air



just the one part lets me drift alone into the words once again

I can’t remember anything about riding on that highway but the inspiration it gave me

for it would be my transport to years in shadows (if I only could control it)

but it looked at me for I am unrecognizable to the river below it

                                                    

by the beaches of the longest highway in existence I snapped a glance at you

your beauty flowing with the air; the wind blowing gently across my hair

the sounds of cars and trucks above us and you smiling made me assured

that anything is possible if i just put my mind to it



all that time I just sat there imagining the walls breaking

only to find that those dreams were reality (and this is a dream?)

the answer to my problems, the end to and

I won’t keep the car running if I don’t have to



the colors start to fade as night falls in the city overshadowed by the longest highway in the world

lights up the world from the Universe’s point of view

I begin to follow you where ever you go

to find myself with you the whole time



I don’t need some assurance to know if this real or not

this moment, this truth is reality

no matter how much I want this city to be

tonight I will wish I can visit once again

but the sky keeps falling and will shatter into a million pieces

piercing the air making it cry tears of blood

with that nightmare I’ll wake up

one day

next to you.

cold
little hot little cold
and old
and tiny compared to
sold

i've been
over this for awhile now
but that's alright
it's okay
i will end this some other way

time
to scratch
my face before
the floor
collapses from
underneath my feet

hello and goodbye,
just like that
in a blink of an eye
with a the click of a button
i'm over all of this
to take it all away and wait, and wait and wait and wait and wait
for nothing
and to sleep
to sleep
sleep.

words are violent
the times are too
since I'm done now how am I supposed to know what to do

exactly the same spots to sit in
drowning in the dreams of sin
embrace what will never come

I never knew or did anything to tell you how much you mattered
I guess you didn't mean that much to me then
it's good to move on and on
cut downs poles and burn down closets
(I'm hiding under your bed)
can't get me
three hours can be too short
and three minutes can be too long

I can be in the burning bed
like my burning head
every aspect of the idea (of being done)
disgusts the truth

conventional as it is to ask where you are
and what have you done to the one
I used to know and will I ever see you again
I think it's something I feel and will feel for a long time
(not understanding the basic complexities of human interaction)

and it's too hard
and I probably can't do it
as I journey into the world
out the door
I probably can't do it

if I could go back in time to win you over
I probably couldn't do it
so I wouldn't and I'd still be here anyway
the burning bed hurts like hell and
it's never going to stop since
I'll never die

and if I asked for just two minutes
would you be polite and give me three
(I don't ever want you inside of-)
or would it better to just lie down
and get up and look at you
and hang myself in your closet?

(there's a limited time to look into my eyes and tell me how you're doing or what you feel because I'm not going to do it anymore this is your responsibility not mine I feel it all the time and time is done)