while you pulled the bow on the string I should have realized it meant more than just something
but I had some appreciation for you talent while I just sat there thinking about myself
but now I’ve come to find that it was just more
your passage to Heaven is mine to hold

I still can taste the times that shaped our friendship
and the fact that I tried to be just as good as you for some time
but realized I was inferior so I gave up
even though I tried so hard I didn’t try at all

And now you’re gone and you didn’t even let me know
(but we hadn’t talked in forever so why would it matter anyway)
and since you’re gone, and it seems full time
I hope and pray you impress everyone out there
because honestly you could always do that

I hope you and your dreams stand up and become a reality
and they cheer for you because I know you deserve such recognition
and you will become more and more amazing
and will stand on top as the Queen

I want everyone to put your hands together as she bows for the musical conclusion
of a story that should have never been written, and you, you need to
stand up there and keep impressing the world
while I sit here and remember the glory days
but forget that, keep making the world’s heart move
to your glorious sound of music
but please remember me, someway, someday
just don’t say a single word about it

a toast to the gangsters, a toast to the pimps
stand up gentleman take a bow take a bow
a toast to the ******, a toast to the wanna be lovers
stand up ladies take a bow
curtsy) if you’re up to it
poor legs
poor nails
poor car

spoiled slandering moving cat
across the room across
the spill across
the dress across
the yelling and the screaming oh make it stop
will they just shut up
for some peace....and quiet....
cars’ been destroyed dress’ been ruined
oh make it stop

burn
bathe in the fire
walk through the flames

come out a winner
go right to dinner
sleep wake up
repeat
(spoiled
slandering
moving
masterpiece)
I’m here at last mother(the final step)
what could I be for the soiled money
everything
buy everything and stick it in
forget about those getting stuffed and thrown
i am my own&mor;;

walk past the homeless who knows anyways
upon all upon you this is burning

watchthecars watch the cars watch....the...cars..

quickly swiftly they move fast and
i am happiness
does this make you happy
the world we live in struck down by lightening and thunder ****** **** ****** theft
all of the rage and anger’s been kept
unto this moment untothisdream
i am in control of my own dreams my own mind

money
money
watch it burn
burn it all
laugh
repeat

if i were God’s foot i would smash it all
no man two hundred feet tall
feel like it lie to yourself sleep wake up repeat
if i if i if i could i would
burn it all

today the education of the nation has been flushed away
reading a book has been forgotten and instead they read how to take drugs through a can
i can i can i can
burn it all

fathom me into the faintest
pyromania-(the world we live in)-a statement of love and blessing
faith’s faith in the world has failed
i have failed
it’s all burning already there’s no way to stop it
scream

this is all i have left
at your feet
i must break through this wall
two hundred thousand feet tall
t h------ ick take a
lick
screamandcry

everyone’s lying and everyone’s crying and everyone’s dying
please dear Jesus do something please
i can not do this all on my own
i am sick call a doctor over there’s the phone

no more snow and no more rain
lay down all of your strain
your stress is at my disposal
only a few days left
we can watch it burn together
(I am burnt)
third degree
just come and help me
let us feel the click between us

we are One and I’m no longer afraid
of the world we live in perhaps
but you are my hope
lovelovelovelovehopeloveyes

(when i think of you i know
exactly in the end where we will go)

i am a flower
hold me
embrace me
let me know that I am loved too

I said goodbye once
twice, three times
until the thought of chimes
fell down onto the porch
and in this dream I could see your yard and fields
and I only heard one car in one hour

i can take what I like to like
and come to terms with it and love it
break it up and turn it to ****
because since the lights are falling down
from the sidewalk and in the town
we walked and it was raining
and I have never ever used an umbrella
and I didn't then either since
I can't break that pattern
no not even for you

what I'd do to take the outside and break it in half
like it was a ******* pencil
smothered with a pen
and choked and swallowed
hung to dry
I could fly in that dream but only for a second or two
since I never told you my obsession with flying
or lucid dreaming

all I wanted to do is want to do it again
to try again because maybe it was
something I said or maybe it was
something I didn't say
and if I knew that it just
wouldn't matter I
would flatter
myself and walk the other way

the other way toward the
beginning and through the end
no matter what I tried to do
sports acting speech reading out loud
pounding words to the page
it all turned into ****
call it self-loathing
or what you will
I've tried harder in the past few months years weeks and hours
bowing down the the powers that be just didn't seem right to me
no not anymore
the differences are strong and the fight has been long
but I need to let go or act
then in a few years time forget these words ever existed
or me
my existence has eradicated tropes and cliches
and I just wanted to say
I love(ed) you so very very very much

sun's looking down at my face
looking up at the ways
I come undone

and everybody can talk
everybody can sing
I got one less ring

but it's going to be alright
god things are looking up
so beautiful got
reassurance  stuffed within my pocket
(I just have to take it out)

and I know
she goes
I got your everything
and I see
you please
I know that I can be this
why
would I ever want to be someone
who couldn't do anything at all
(just put your mind to it, it's got everything to do with you
can take off a bite and chew, then you're golden)

your a star
I know it's true
and perhaps I just don't know
what to do if I just want to get closer to you
and I never wanted to freeze up by a friend, but I have to start back at the end. I hold on
empty in the rain
this will happen again and again and again

unless I do something about it
be the instigator I never
thought that I could be
and then maybe you can see
I just am empty in a void
I got out and here I am
still reaching almost
being ****** back in
but no

it's going to be alright
have to get through without a fight
and down goes the night
the sun's looking down on my face
I am no longer a disgrace
to
the end
I just need to know
that
I can
it shouldn't be this hard
to be in your presence
(I've gotten out of my chains that I've had before but they want to take me back)
again
hold on to
the beauty that's within you
and out I just don't-

it's going to be alright
it's going to be
alright
since I've got reassurance stuffed inside my pocket
I just have to take it out.

coming through the ice
igniting the fire with thousands of laboring logs
to burn through the ice
coming through the ice

falling down the 20th story balcony
down the the sidewalk where it's all going to happen
falling through cracking the sidewalk
coming through the ice

it's nice and the rolling of the dice
coming through the ice
reborn:2:1:0 yes here
time is fantastical time is nice

brings
guitars
rifts
i'm here coming through

the ice is cracking as i fall
falling up towards the sky going up toward heaven almost there rightasiputupmyhand
(coming through)
i think i know this is it stars suns

stars coming falling down now up
over and over turning
reborn i'm reborn smile a little bit reincarnation is nice
coming through the ice

sometimes on starry nights i flick
a blade and stab a star
just to feel the relief of nothing yet something
always everything

time flies bye bye birdie fly away
like Time did where have i gone
where did i go besides right here
sweating blood crying icicles
freezing fire burning ice

(hey that's nice)

back a forward up a track and send it back to the farm
back to tell you exactly where i was and where I am
time will tell you time is true
what I'm exactly something supposed to (do)

where i was now dum diddie do doo
remember the chants of lum dribbie so loo
so bang the drum or hit it softly
time is not supposed to melt slowly
a gradual process they say seven steps
like the seven rings of Hell
somethinglikethat

look
i get
it
it all
makes
sense

**** me to hell and i'll laugh
maybe i'll see you too (two)
to be or not to be
Hamlet
yes
Hamlet
you
don't get
it

do you
you need to tell me stop burning the tree
of life
like you keep
building a wall
and i can retreat from the wall and go
somewhere
else
but
really you just need to smack me in the face
and put your wet lips on mine as you push me down
(welcome to Town)
don't back down
this
is your moment
how'mi
gonna tell you
when you don't let me see you
barely respond
I'm
the only one

I'm the only one I'm the only one i'm the only one i'm always going to be look at all i gave you go to sleep go to sleep rest your eyes rest your pretty blue (green?) eyes as you look to the sky and smile tell me about the stars i murdered one once how nice how suffice nt it is it is so nice isn't it so fine you're so fine kiss me kiss me i'm drowning in here the real world
hell

only
this is an
allusion

so **** it all the ******* phone like always **** the ******* ****
complete and utter nonsense
[complete
and
completion
of beauty]

love me

I'll always float here,
inside this garden of chemicals
for many years
to destroy myself would be blasphemy,
to remember myself would be heresy
so I settle in the middle (of nowhere)
with no words, no whispers,
the loud bang from the bell is
drowning out the non-polluted oxygen
in my lungs, in my heart
through the zone, out the zone
no way to say goodbye
breathe in, breathe out
breathe in, breathe out
breathe in, breathe out
breathe in, breathe out
breathe in, breathe out
breathe in, breathe out
breathe in

ripping the inevitable skin
unable to find the loss to win
what i crave most is gone away
what's lost has been found but again astray

whatever leaves me in my own desert here
could be lost by a bottle of water by the pier
of a somehow littleknown town
down and around the bend

mine
mine

let me know if this goes too slow
or if you want me to pick it up and go
faster and faster to break the speed of love
a thing not possible a thing not above

what's mine
what's mine

lie to me everything you say is the truth
sometimes honesty rises under and around the gravity oh see
whatever the tooth and whatever (me)
I'm lost in you I'm lost in me I'm lost we

are mine
are mine

unable to let go of the wheel
i control it all the appeal in me is gone however
to you i'm just another sigh in the dark
another walk in the park to know how beautiful and how sad i am that you

are not mine
are not mine

‘Look, it’s just that we don’t want to see you go to Hell,’ Martha adds. They all shake their heads and agree.

‘Look, you sit here judging me and being, well, plainly to say, *******, even though that’s what Jesus was against. He wanted to spread love and peace. You keep talking about living like Jesus, which I agree with, and Gandhi, but you’re all just…mean.’

‘Jesus never said not to live like,’ David gulps, ‘*******, he died for us and our sins.’

‘Yes, yes I know he did that, but why? Why did he have to die? If he was the son of God couldn’t he just have clapped and said something around the lines of everyone is forgiven?’ I get no answer, so I keep going, ‘I guess the better question is have you even read the Bible? Or at least Matthew? I like this passage, “Matthew 5:16, Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” Or even better, “Matthew 5:43-44, Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you”.

Martha: “ John 3:16, For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

‘Are you trying to argue with me?’

‘No. I just think you ought to realize that He died for you, Sam.’

I roll my eyes: ‘Look, for the last time. I understand that, but you do not understand me. If God is so benevolent and good, why doesn’t he help the starving children in Africa? Or starving children everywhere, for that matter. Why is it our duty to help these people, if God is so good? Why is there ******, ****, ******, burning, hate, anger, greed…the list goes on, and on, forever. Dictators starving their own country, and as people we literally can’t do anything. Sometimes we can’t do anything, but does that mean God should make it our duty to go help these people, even though we almost have no way of doing it? No. You all keep worrying about how “bad homosexuality is”, and instead of being kind and caring, you just keep bashing people who are different. If it’s so bad, then God would not have allowed it at all. It wouldn’t be a possibility, but it is. And so is burning people alive, cannibalism, child abuse, molestation, **** or ****** all having to do with children. You all look at horrible shootings and horrifying acts and say “Oh, this happens because of freewill.” “Oh, this happens because we have turned away from God.” The other day I heard on the news that a father brutally ***** his teenage daughter, a girl who went to church every Sunday with her family, and from that we can assume she read the Bible, and prayed. She was a good Christian teenage girl. But while he ***** her, she cried out to God to save her, but the father just stabbed her. Twenty-three times. Crying out that she was Caesar and he was Brutus. He threw her body down the stairs, and as his five year old twins went to go see what happened, he grabbed them and drowned one in the toilet, and the other in the bathtub. This is indeed the most horrifying thing I’ve ever heard in my life. You may say “Freewill” or “We have turned away from God,” But that’s evil. That’s an evil thing to say, or think. You think you’re all so high and mighty? That we have turned away from God? No, it’s God who has turned away from us. Go ask their mother, the only one in the family who survived the blood ****. You go ask her about freewill.’

the flowers are calling and the grass is growing
the sun is shining and people are singing
playing the piano putting their bow on their strings
calling to anti-poison waking from slumber
arms in the sky raised high worshiping something
reading a book in the humid air breathing in non polluted oxygen
no one's invisible on this Saturday this memory this new past
as time flies by and the clock strikes two where's the rewind button again

shops are opening early this Saturday
my heart is opening later today i Faithfully know
out into the wilderness there we go
everyone's outside or worshiping
Saturday

if my heart's broken i just need a new one
(on Saturday)
people are calling movie's are playing
chairs are placed baseball is played
time is breathed in time is breathed out
everyone relaxes meditation is typical and beautiful
everyone's sitting and laughing somewhere this grand time
this special event only happens once a week so praise and worship
Saturday

scorched snake on scorched earth,
why do my thoughts decide my worth?
time flies and time dies
when she cries tress fall
in August after
remembrances of summer days
that burned away on cold spells

bleeding roses on a thorny bush
why must she forget to push?
there's no other scream to cry
or alibi for sad men in the gutter

(she was what I wanted not,
she was what I never got)

and with some soup on a Friday night,
that I forgot, cold, waiting- -
just like me
so come and see, my empty heart
on display as the kids play in the cold playground
with snow all around them,
laughing, without thought, without a made up mind
just innocence, and I try to crack a smile
for I always hate what I never had, and never will have,
and I maybe I'll give up this time

('away,' she mocks me, 'away'
and I always go, for you, always)

we're disintegrating home
she's looking into my eyes
she feels just like Summer

time to pleasure the Rising
let the words flow into blood
the blood is what spells love is what is anything really

Summer is a time for pleasant beings
retracted and disillusioned Trees
apples and berries everywhere oranges abundant

all of this World is her's to keep
she just need to dance her eyes over the doubts
that tell her inside that she needs to follow everyone else into oblivion

since she's more than that i know I can tell her that
even if i'm not worth fighting and yelling for
i won't stop fighting for her

in the end I know she's looking and thinking of me
with Summer coming home from a long journey
comes the most beautiful and an abundance of Love with an abundance of fruit and trees and

there's a time and place for everything and that's now
i know she's falling for me as I Her
because this i know was made to be

talk to me regretting nothing requesting
it is it is it is it is
yes, we know forgotten soul to bed to bed to bed

"for a long time I went to bed early"
Dearest Proust,
I'm always the opposite for I went(go)to bed late
why, I can not grasp for it slips out of my hand quickly
gravely gravely gravely graves convert my mind to dust
                              one day, one day

we're all dying at a faster rate than we perceive
melancholy yet satisfying that
death is the most fascinating part about life
one day, one day we'll make it there
the stars the clouds the Universe will be ours
I just have to close my eyes and believe

today's today's today's today
tomorrow will never come
pounding pounds ringing bells
the clang
              the cling
                            the cluck
all beckon me somewhere out there beyond the continuum
the language, the tower falling so that one day the world will understand each other

one two three four one two three four
one..two..three..four
Symphony Pony lasts for hours
mmmcloseeyesandfly
it matters not whether I go to bed early or late
my thoughts will be the same
when I close my eyes the first thing I'll think of is
You.

what does never
(pull away pull away)

I'm capable of pulling a Plath or two
no I Really don't want to have dinner for one
i'll take seats for two please regardless of if anyone ever if ever shows up if shows up i ever as I ever was
lonely very very lonely right
here

yes please waitress I'll take a beer no wait a Coke please
while i wait here like an Echo waiting to be repeated who is this
why are you here (dance on and on to whatever song beautiful truly beautiful)

i'll be 20-something before time catches up to realize my words
the publication of dreams may become a reality and suddenly like a flash of thunder i become a white light
help me spread some sunshine because god knows that is why i sit here lonely
very very lonely

last night i had a dream about a truck and a gun
and i saw your beautiful face from far away and I wanted to rub it and hold you and love you forever and ever(i could never see you withanyoneelse)
i controlled batteries with my mind and charged the moon in the night
and I didn't ever want to die and there was a whisper and a shadow and a gun who killed the driver
and mine didn't work so i took the wheel sealed the deal and crashed it
due to the whisper
through that i was bathed into immortality reincarnation of flames

then i woke up lying next to you on a sunny day in the grass and Nature smiled
you were smiling and i was smiling 'ahhhhhh i have been reborn' i screamed in joy
and i drowned in her kiss and i was alive when i awoke i was all alive

but the day was the Ruin and all i wanted to do was see her
all day i could not find time to talk to engage
(lonely very very-
wandering around i felt nothing not nothing but something is nothing and nothing is something

at the holy water at the end of the day i saw her wanting to approach her
but i could not turning around like a spiraling out Fibbonaci
very lonely

i think i'm five years from now
sitting here table for one wishing for two
dearest Catullus you must have missed your brother so much
I'll pull a Plath if I have to

i                                                                                                                                                                           (s
                                                                                                                                                                            l
i
p)
                                      your      
                                                                     fin
                                                                    ge
                      rs                        
w
a
n
t
y
o
u                                                                                                                                                                                
t
o
s
l
o
w
l
y
                                ^
                               |
                                |


                          do
wn





                                                                                 my
                                     spine

Bring your iron,
and circle 'round my neck
two ions spiral out from ***
revival in the undertow
come out and play you *******
fraud

and pause the unseen game
tell me I'm not lame and that
I will walk one day
far away from all the pain
to shoot a bullet in the clouds to
stop the rain
when crazy comes it comes in spurts
just like snapping my neck when it hurts
your body is on the pedestal
can never change or never learn
you had the old ones in your hand
to take a stand to end what's man
and tell them all or just tell one
to **** what burns in the descending sun
and all that's left is
miles of life that's left
on cracked sidewalks
in forgotten places


and if I hold your hand you'd **** me
want me dead for calling you beautiful
forget the idea of loving me
come see through all the cafes and the dinner tables
that you'd wait for mindless hours
I hope he really likes you a lot
and gives you all that he's got
since I have nothing left to give
but time that's not even precious
anymore than it was before
you left and never talked to me since
but to be fair I didn't talk to you either
because maybe I was just to broken hearted
that you of all people could just leave me here
and I was like a young child being left by his mother
at the big store where I couldn't find anything
or anyone so I sat and cried in the middle so someone
could come find me and ask if it was going to be okay
and I'd say all I ant is my mommy
well all I wanted and all I really needed was you
but I highly doubt that it's all going to go through
some small crack, some small percent, dance
around him all the time

dance around his body
when the song stops playing,
kiss him softly
just make sure to never send me
any picture or any memory
because really I don't want to care

but really I just care too much
to let this go into the endless ocean
a million miles away from my home

so
    so
       so
           so
                so

everything's interesting when it isn't
distant closure fills the void
that i enter every time i move
i feel myself to smooth my body
in the gaudy sort of visions
of people dying on hills

every day feels like the last
and looks like the next
it's not hard to see how much you hate me

bleeding through gifts and embraces and conversations
unlike anyone else i strove to plug in
to you unto you into you
what i'd do

but you turned the cold shoulder
getting older and colder
older and older
and you're getting more and more and more and more and more and more
the same

i don't want your time if you have none to give me
see i believe it when i'm sinking in the depths
among the stars and across bars
i'm sinking into you
and you hate and hate and hate and hate and hate because you're
exactly the same

evil and
abismal as
me
see
you hate
everything
about me
as i forget
the words
imadeupthreeminutesago
you're something I never should have had
and never did in the first place
but if you can, for all the things i gave you,
give me something (just see)
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
that you drowned me
drown me
you drowned me
still drown me

I'm unsatisfied with This
   i remember when it felt
more black and white, my life now
more vibrant in color--
it is not a good thing

easy as i came
under the naked sun
naked, everyone
i knew something before, but
the feeling's expanded
there's no clear answer to the questions
and i don't know how long i can go on
i can not repeat my past, the past i don't have
(stretched out of me)
why did you live me in this body

the most beautiful form that connects people together
every word important
can't stumble upon the stumble upon the stumble
fall down the hill
rolling, falling
waking on top of water, floating
in the midst of the flowing
waterfall

imagine a god and the devil standing high
god watches over the world like he's supposed to
everyone is calm, until
one thing goes wrong  
and then the radio goes out
and someone falls out their window
and the person who goes after does it
on purpose and then everyone starts jumping off their balconies, skyscrapers until the blood on the sidewalk is too much
for anyone to manage

and the guilt is strong
but the love is stronger
yes, yes I like you
I can hear it
they can hear it
maybe they're telling me
maybe I've waited this long for something so
simple yet so complex
and you can cry and I cry
yes, yes
I understand finally
that it's a move
and the smile is real
and the face is bright as the sun and the sun doesn't
burn anymore it just glows
glorious revelation
hallelujah
the chorus goes on
we can both smile
the other lyrics don't matter
nothing that happened ever mattered even if it was
the only thing that lead me to this point
and the sun comes up
and the sun comes up
but the people are still jumping
and there's still that tidal wave of blood
rip out my hair
I know it
I knew it
I'll know it
perfection is the invisible key
but I'm content when the head falls down

yes to the left hand crush --

i am the one who knows the Sun
distinguishing the left from the right
say no to society
backed up propriety
my Country is my nothing
my heart is in the grey abyss

say no to surprises because
at once, when you swim up from the shallow waters
they cease to exist
and say no to advances by
people in dances
left, and right
fists in the air
(this is nothing)
perhaps a little to dissuaded from reality
i'm not as drunk on ego as you think
i discovered my disguise in
my face in the corner

say no to the News
and yes to its addiction
believe nothing from people who know
nothing
propaganda exploding in the mist
until it clears up
i've found while you swing around
i'll smash a window with a chair
until everyone's aware
masks or no masks
attention via attention
stand hold
body down
say no to deconstruction
live the fast life
while i sit down and wait
for some little clue

until i realized that all of you
in one loud, pulsing moment
their all the same
and you too
you've fallen so far even though
i've fallen the farthest
but at least i'm honest
ask me again and i think
it'll be the disguise under the skin in
my mask and you hold on
to my choices
and i say no to this 'society'
and i'll say no to you
yes
i'll say no to you
i know i can do it
because all this time i haven't loved you
i've hated you

hit me in the face with your shovel
your words burn
(I'd rather have the oven explode)
I'll choke myself on a whole pack of gum
while I think of her hands,
dripping like rain,
the rain that I have forgotten
the rain that has been abandoned
by God himself

every drip was one that believed it was important
or at least someone did
but it hit the ground like my tears late
at night so I browse whatever
I can to find people more upset than me

whether it's some sort of catharsis
some sort of coma,
I sit down and contemplate,
breathe in, and breathe in, and breathe in
don't sit back,
acknowledge me the way I wanted to be ignored

there's no shame in giving up,
everyone does one time or another
are you worried?
are you crying yet?
I keep telling myself I did nothing wrong
move away
I have a pair,
I promise
I won't give up this time
I've tried as hard as I could
(you have nothing to complain about)

one day you'll throw me out, like how
they always throw me out
and I will fall from the sky
even if you want to take me back in

i ju
st w
ant
you
to t
ell
me y
ou l
ove
me s
i ca
n re
lax
whe
n i s
ee y
our
fac
e(s)

time's a wasting through the seams an'
three's to gleam the sun beam dan
ce the trees of tilling through farming into a blackedout dream as of yesterday
as of yesterday and today why not anyway not not now
destroy and feast on the gardens expensive flowers grown soil
grow me up seed me down this town's going down
fire on the trees fire on the salt the fields salt the fields and push down and explode like
there's still a hope to look forward how dost you go
words inspiring ha to the yes through the Dance of the Swan rose queen and it disturbs me
a little
this feeds this dance this crow's dance goes a little like this.

calm me with your hands
smooth my wounds a little more
i'm lost in this invisible highway
wandering with lots of baggage

while i'm stuck here hung up high by disappointment,
crucified by travesty depression love and sickness
everyday my stomach hurts,
my head burns
i can see the light coming
but i know i must not surrender to the light
that is disguised as darkness

and i must remember, as my body aches
the good times and not the bad
perhaps those times were too few

if i could start over i would
crawl out of a small claustrophobic box of death
and depression
and with my hands, come back into the womb

surrender to the fall,
with the mother of us all
looking over
giving birth to everyone
so fast, so short
i can't look past you,
your eyes staring at me
watching me be taken down
you must throw me into the sun
the true light, the true fight
i can try to see the future but
i'm truly blind to everything
and i know you try to help
but every word crucifies and burns
my aching soul
and as I feel like it's time to melt back into the ground
i climb back into the womb with my Ladder
and wait to be slipped back in again,
but all I can feel is your face
all i see are your eyes
everyone else doesn't matter
i've waited so long
i've been up here so long
take me down
take me down
take me down
take me down
take me down
take me down
take me down
and just hold me,
for a little while
because i am not the one who needs to hold,
i am the one who needs to be held.

with a knife dipped in crimson fire
i murdered the red sky

(the doors of platinum)
twas god twas saul twas garden blue

what to be like a semi
i x actl y know what i knew

the blue waters of the earth could not
cleanse the pitch-black night

the riders of paul saw
saul dancing in the moonlight

and chirst he was a beautiful man
more beautiful than the secret diamonds of the universe

to take it into account of beauty of peace
its lie a thousand times over roll over the kids

whatta joke he tells me
with a blue glass blink to his eye

green three times two times five over a million
brings me here

you're humble i know
pray for me

saul or whoever cracks his knuckles and waits
thomas has to forgive again

mary was a symbol and judas hung
for it all

we all hang once in a while
over and over

to be through the bleeding doors the cracks
of the doors of platinum

step inside
and you'll never return

don't look back
or everything will disappear

but by chirst jesus the lord almighty god (jesus christ)
*it already has

unbound and incepted right into to the camera
looking in, if you're watching
can you see me staring at you

this is the final glare
my wannabe farewell
when you look at your camera in your mind,
can you see me staring at you
will I haunt you like you haunt me

i can feel you looking right through me

send me flowers and a cake go ahead now
how the weather can ch
ang e the mood in the blink of an eye
in the milky snow flowing down i know tomorrow
as seventeen and perhaps a gift from the long black haired girl
and to the other birthday girl red trees and broken guitars

teach me how to play and then we can talk a little more in person

there's a melting *** of four four real three there and one that way
across the screen and slipping away inside of this bashing head to the desk
godfuckingdamnit i get so upset)
see me the three can talk into my ear and when they grace my environment
i sit and listen a whistle and shiver to a cold sweat
what can attract them all the fourth is the first i know that the fourth is first
but i don't breathe it like the others

The four Goddesses (et numerum Nympha

but number three can be crossed out at this seventeen moment
i no longer care i no longer see what she could do for me

(decree of humanity and self worth:
I was hungry so I Ate
I was Thirsty so I drank
I was tired so I slept)

that's it that's really ******* it isn't it
ha a laugh a ha

how can i do this naked spring ******* the cold winter
twisting and ******* turning
godfuckingdamnit
the snow is going to destruct me

(but the fourth girl the girl across the screen through the Universe to the void and flying through the stars is enough and she's first i know she's first like always as usual i can do this

right sock tucked up a little bit to feel the risky air on my heel
walking in the cooling rain wetting my hair to the destination(just to be kicked out
once again)
note to self:
Double triple check next time

but the walk home is what snaps my heart and scatters it
the rain henceforth making haste puts it back together later
though in the moment in the heat of the Winter cold rain
snow everywhere in the middle of the April goddess June summer ....
so i breathe&relax; to take a moment and stop to decide where i need to be and what i need to see
and i'm there i know you know i'm there

the longest way home is a winding twisting shortcut

see
sometimes i get wrapped up in the moment of Love and Peace
some say to stop living your Dreams and Fantasies
you'll become stuck in time and you'll become a delusion
diluted and polluted in memories and that's when it hits me the most
when everyone else in the world walks away from you
or leaves you behind forgetting your very shining presence
that's the most perfect time to have dreams and fantasies
because it sure beats the hell out of what we have here.

I
'both are the answers'
I think that's what he said, what he says is dead, he used to say
he told me that I must find my wall,
but what could that mean, and would it matter at all,
really, if I didn't know who or what my wall was
but staring out into the distance, not aware of time or space
I saw laughter and the smile, and then the defense
my god, my god, was she the wall
are you the wall,
my god, my god

I can be the halo to my halo,
she only told me that so I'd be grateful, but
grateful for what, was the question
'you must have careful planning'
she told me again
to plan for the nothingness that grows in my backyard
or my illusions at night,
you encompass my bed and my arms are around dozens
of people that are just the same as you

my god, my god,
why should we be all the same
to lose ourselves in the calls and the texts and all the other
messages we get late at night
or the messages we wished we'd get during the day

so ***** your curiosity to **** in the truth
or the subjective, whatever's important, whatever rings the right way, sounds the
right way,
'You will make bells and I will paint icons'
Funny thing is I can't do either, but your Christ-like beauty
held me near, your smile, you're the wall, at least that's what I like
to imagine as I stare out the window in utter boredom

and the art can't even add up to your gleaming sun

II
I scratch my arm with the semi-broken pen
as the lady in white yells about the news
I can feel her fingers create the atmosphere,
and the dream is ******* me in as I try
once again to be buried in the replacements of many,
and I know, and I think I know
that in just a few seconds I'll see you staring ahead, determined, or lazy
I don't know which, perhaps both, just like me
and then soon I'll get a glimpse of that face and even though
I want to say something I can't say anything and I give up by screaming
inside, I think, at least until I see someone else
and that makes me go deeper, deeper, and deeper
and falling down being the swirling light to the
days of the future and the future of the days is limited
only this time without so much reassurance

III
I don't know how long it took me to understand
that your eyes were not the stars, and you were not my wall
no matter how hard it took for me to **** it up
and be a man, to be a man, my god, my god,
to be a man is to be a god, someone I can't be
so can't you see that
I don't want you to lose yourself
in my masculinity
or my excuse for it
and then I could see my soul  being lifted up by
your eyes

IV**
this is my excuse,
I love it as much as you do
we can look at it as two different things, but it's
one singular thing
one motionless thing
one little thing that has nothing to do
with my separation, my schism from reality
'Where would I be without you?' is what I asked,
not you
implied, maybe, but how am I supposed to know
they say don't look into the future, be the same, live in the moment
the moment is always the same, full of trash and appeasement

and then, finally, I can go back in a flash, and then back to the moment
and the moment I'm always in is the moment that will go on forever
as I trek my odyssey down the hallway to see you, the wall, be my defense
my god, my god
then I see you and your friends cooling yourselves off, talking about
who-knows what and then I groan and
put my head on the table, am I embarrassed, or envious, or jealous, or all three
or everything, I'm everything but a man, the man that's defined as a real man
the man you'd like to lose yourself in, no, no I'm not that man or a "man"
I'm only a human, if I'm anything, but to be a man,
my god, my god
I think I could understand, then, I think I could understand you
if I could be a man, if I could be a man, then I would understand,
my god, my god, my god
is a man
and I am not

I
love is all that can destroy hate
back and forth among turbulent waters
she doesn't see me like I see her
(but it's okay)
i can wait

i've only waited years and years
and every other little thing(this and that)
is gone and has vanished out of my sight

if i had one wish to do with these words
just a little more (just a little much more please)
if i had just one wish for i to gain the confidence
not in phone calls face-to-face
among this disgrace (violent voice shaking)

because every time I think of you i sweat
sitting in immense heat and panic attacks of power
nothing really ever matters (love is the only thing that can destroy hate)

but I know what you need is to calm down
and let me out of my box
because we are both going to sit
in anger and regret

and i know this is the last year
the last year anything can happen
I don't want to leave in a bend
but everything must have an end

just as before, just as before
the smile
don't tear me apart
please this is my heart

our heart
is not
anyone
else's
please
don't
leave me
at the end

II
the last thing i ever wanted was for an end to come into a beautiful supernova
but maybe I'll forget it all in a few years
meet someone else
someone else'll come in
(but that's why you need to tell me)

maybe you feel the same exact way
afraid because of restrictions
but dear, there's no such thing as private property
a sign placed to keep people out
he demands you to stay away
they demand you to leave

i will
never
ever
let this go

as long as you can
tell me

there's no such thing as private property when you look at it
no censoring no treason
just pure old good old real exactly real love

love no one understands
a love with no fights
a love not for the basic American dream
a love for those who want to write
a love for those who wish to dream
the real love that's been forgotten in time

and you can teach me
and I can teach you
in a peaceful garden
with little work
because everything's perfect
(when you're around)

III
there's about four steps into the wonder
to do so i must cross the line and you too
so we can meet in the middle
and lights in the sky will sing falsetto

and i will cross the line
to take what i know is mine
and you will cross
and take the toss
of Love

ev
er
yt
hi
ng
wi
ll
be
pe
rf
ec
ti
kn
ow
it

(cross the line to take what's mine and cross the border to take what's yours.)
There's no such thing as private property

IV
In Love
In Peace
In Understanding

In Hope
In Joy
In Heartbreak
In Tears

In Kids
In Choices

In Dreams
In Fears

In Hair
In Kisses

In ***
In Matrimony

In Nothing
In Voids
In Time
In Lines
In Who?
In What?

In Signs
In Mine
In Yours

In Property
In Towns
In Sleep
In Day
In Cities
In Decay

In Books
In Movies
In Lies
In Truth

In Houses
In Apartments
In Substance
In Death
In Life

In You
(yes)
In Me
(yes)
In Bliss
(yes)
In Nothing
(forever)
In Everything

'anger is for the weak and fear is for the strong'

time to get the bathrobe off and shove it in the stomach
of a thousand whispered alibis
crooked students flowery students
running all over standing there
trying a little too hard to project myself into those conversations
about love and dreams and dances and
total upright beautiful poetic language that no one really understand
and no one will really understand
ignorance
feeds the weak and the shirtless
it's what we feel that we need to feed our black hole in the galaxy
time moves on and everyone just keeps talking about
they're young and they can do whatever you want
blaming others and parental figures for their (love&care;) rules
******* hypocrites they say
take a look at your ******* self

it takes a little bit to take a breath
hard to bring my mind back to the place where I thought people were good
and eternally grateful but no
there's a place of whispers and lies
and it's where everyone goes to
and I can't help but choke on my on anger from the disgust everyone in my Circle brings me


(bringmehopeandbringmejoy)
I know one day it will come
raining down a thousand glorious rainbows
but for now
this seems to be all

I am the rain, filled up inside the ditch
the flood's rockets shooting to the sky
the black mystery in the electric stars, shocking
vaporizing my waves and the boats float on, plunged, and sinking
and the tidal waves keeps coming and beating whatever hand I throw up
to hold myself onto the plank and I drift away and fade away
in your eyes as they send the whole ocean to me and I'm blown away to
space in a space untraveled, and float without gravity or anything to hold me

and then split in two, one colliding toward earth and back to the ocean to
feel you drowning me with your eyes that echo the waves
and the moonlight fills my soul as the tree of life burns
and back up, far away
I still am floating and going farther, and farther away, entering in the
claustrophobia and the beautiful queen looks at me but can't choose which one,
the floating man who will one day vanish, or the man who keeps drowning with obsession
so, the right decision would be to say neither  
but it doesn't solve anything, really
I kept pulling you inside,
so close until I died under your weight
and the rockets keep shooting up from the depths of the ocean
and I keep looking down at the definition of the shore
and the box keeps opening with new tricks and new
obsessions and the screams echo the screams in your eyes which flood
everything inside of me, and the screams echo the screams
and the screams echo the screams
and I'm poured out, your eyes, your body
it's changed
it's new
somehow
I collapse under your weight and your beauty, if you only knew
the waves and space are one (and could we be, I think, could we be)
yet the screams echo the screams
the screams echo the screams
the screams cannot be heard in space, or underwater
*but that doesn't mean they aren't there

the night sky echoes on
holy
holy
holyart
thou
with my eyes closed i can think i can know what
is
r-al
not
so much so that

in a sea of a million people
i am alone
no lies no truth begun to become blown much out of
proportion


whatever may come to breathe to feel
intelligence iq has nothing to do with anything anymore

oh god
i feel it all blasted right through the wall
come back to me
come back
come back to me
come back
let it all
let it all in

i’ve waited forever it seems
patiently being pateint
waiting i know i’ve never stopped writing about this moment
of pure bliss and joy and happiness and i would never have to worry
everything would be ahead of me
but no
as usual i’m let down and forgotten
and i know i must not be worth fighting for (that’s what kills)

i never wished to love forever
but what i never want always seems to come true
i broke through the wall alright
there’s no doubt

there’s also no time to cry
or shout
in the morning it will all be changed

there’s more i know there’s more because there’s is more Yes there is More

i choose to Live

goodbye morning (12)
cups on the right,
knock one over again
alive
pick it up (no one noticed)
fill it with coffee which I don't drink
watch some ****** movie on TV
and pretend to punch through the screen

think of it,
happiness
haven't been this happy in awhile
like it or not
smile on your face
on little day
happy, happy, happy
the ****** movie still plays
got nothing else to do
fling the coffee at the screen
the TV dies
think of you and go up to it
I go through it like in Videodrome
or something like that

Thanks, Cronenberg
I'm expendable

because a door broken through with a hammer is beautiful
            dreams shattered by what you know
words are only words until they're laid out like a puzzle
            meant for only the robbed to find

and if the sun doesn't give you inspiration for your insides
          i have no idea what will drown me out
flush me into reality of feelings and blood and other various wires
        give me your hand i want to become you

let me become you into your mind give me your mind
          (it's been awhile i guess a little too long)
but maybe that's my fault a little maybe just a little bit
           give me peace in my mind just a little

because thinking is not doing thinking is not doing
               (****** my mind)
because thinking is not doing i can not make this better
              (give me your mind)

my mind is dying my mind is dying thinking is not doing
            thinking is different not doing take action
against whatever may come my way there is no wall there is
            no wall i remember it so clearly now yes-

i never ever said a word about you to hurt you
i gave you gifts and love and my Time
through a hardship i was right by your side

but hell
and now you turn your back
you think it's clever kinda funny to mess with my heart like this
(running away)
you ripped out my heart and tore it apart and left me for cold
the blue eyed round headed stranger once
a
gain

every time i get the chance for four years i have waited in the dust
and through the closing of the eyes i come to realize why
i feel like a flame about to burst
a time bomb about to blow
i can not ever go
this will not ever end another way
this will not end another way
find time to cry much later to(day) come on and tell me Dear
you couldn't even say it to my face
come on am i just such a disgrace to take it in
and let it flow
i choose to live
i choose to know
the hollow is a place that feeds my needs i choose to live
in thoughts of pure and thoughts of rage i will just sleep
and turn into the next
page
slowly
fall asleep
please
in the
morning let
me
choose to live
a little longer
a little stronger
please just carry me
this will end no
please just take me home my mouth was burning with passion and desire
but it's gone
(call an optimist call a doctor)
so take me home i choose to
live
this will end no other
way.

rightful stone explode and then be regrown
shock all night then we can play the day a two
as the sun beats down hot upon the pavement
looking at the cooking of cold hearted skins

again and again to be lying on the treetops
be mean be lean be everything the heart endures
live through the Blue and in time it will do
adjust repeat and center their self unto Me

to be a dust of ticking center stage

looking for a thing to keep me occupied
mine eyes look at the land far deep so wide
farthest way home backest way across the hill
across the Universe song and tall i Sing:

Yes forgotten bridge and bowl make two

time's T(w)oo

sweet forget blinking red

               reading aloud deserted
again

t
          ire
                    swi  
                                ngs
                                      and s    i    d     e    w    a    l   k    s      
                                                etc.
up
||
fill


my
mind
through-------------------mytime

you're so
precious
so beautiful
like diamonds only
m  o r  e    s  o

as the sun shines

d
o
w
n

n
o
p
u

the ro
cks

death and destr/ction
may devour my mind
but no one can take my time
and etc etc tire swings and sidewalks fill my mind
beauty and your lips on mine

and beautiful I think we're doing just fine

influence can find its way through love and life
writing and power becoming sanctified in a holy box
from you're never going to get anywhere to get on the floor put your hands up
kicked down beaten down with words
somehow between the mix a hero ascended
words and power in fortythree lines
and on and forward (Olaf) sends us into eternity

one day perhaps the words will end
but never can i stop reading them
for if it wasn't for you I would have never started writing poetry
or prose or anything and that's why i need to regard you as a hero
my hero

dear e.e
thank you for creating me anew
i honestly, to any man living or dead, owe my life to you

because I would be nowhere without your words that go on into the Infinite.

No one cares I am not okay today this is not okay I look at what I love I want to destroy something rip it to pieces and never let anyone know and maybe then I shall be happy I shall be at peace because I’ll know that the snobbish will have been destroyed not death but life I will grant her Life the worst disease a disease incurable the only disease we will never be able to cure no matter how far science comes and that’s why science is ******* because it will never cure what kills the most
and no death is not a cure for life because they say life keeps going afterwards and I believe that I think I do I think I am I am I am true to myself that’s why I protect my faith will God grant me heaven or is there more on Earth and nothing can ever be perfect since if I die in an awful way how will I know how I died in heaven if heaven is a place with no pain and if I can’t remember my death how will I be able to remember my family and my love how I loved her I did I loved her very much but I am afraid of her now because she cries at night and hates me because I loved her even though she desired love and that’s what I gave unto her I blessed her with love but she hates me and everyone hates me and I take walks to know I am okay and that’s is why I must get rid of beauty not her beauty but of her life’s beauty and she is her life not herself but Her her she is what made her not love me me but her and how crazy I drive and I take walks when where who what why why could she just not love me there is nothing wrong with me I will stomp I will roar calm me mother calm me sing me a lullaby
the fan screams as the clock strikes five she screams she screams she screams hateandlove
I love her with the passion of one million suns

picture a dead leaf crushed
on cracked sidewalks
beaten pouring rain
from a bleeding sky
the reason why
I want to understand you, understand heaven
if that's you

life on the edge of the beach
wet sand into the incoming waves
****** beneath (I'm coming through)
I want to know

The treason is the reason for the resurrection of the State
blind dictators are dancing in the dark
i've made my mark
your eyes burn my eyes burn to
turn away
under the residue
of tumbling relationships

if you're my piece of a puzzle that is my life
my understanding of choices
my beautiful headlight
my light at the end of the tunnel
my one
my everything
my god, my God
why have you forsaken me

as i sink under the nectar of oxygen
i want to understand why it is
you couldn't save me
you and I
i knew that you were the answer and you didn't just crack the heart
you ripped it out and tore it
stomped on and  beaten down all around the beaten ground
i would have disappeared right into your rushing hair
and i had the choice, you had the voice
of a goddess in the wind
and life in the wind
if this is the end
i'll hold it to you
you know
what to do
you know how to do it
you know what to see
you know
you know
you know
cut it away
live it hey
don't burn my eyes
under endless black holes
beaten cracked holes
why oh why
couldn't you say why i could why am i why why i know i know why i know how the dancing devils ripping shadows
of disease and decay
to be
to see
let me understand you
tell me all about you
four whole years
four old years
i''ve done it all

so if this is the message over the broken
sidewalk and other individual studies.
cheer for me and see
we have it all

so life
is life
and time is time
i will find the resurrection in my treason for you have yet to find yours in yours

(lift me up, let me ascend, and come with me)

cut edit splice repeat your

cut edit splice repeat your


disappointment of your brother

loves your father worship

your mother who raised you

look at the sea so

the sea will look back

and accept you and your

sister looks at your pride

and your pride looks

at your ego

who loves your father

who worships your mother

for giving birth to

You

and with a wink

it gives me time to think

that love is right here so



cut edit splice repeat

cut edit splice repeat

There’s a strong wind blowing south as the hand of god erupts through the water
we have nothing
nothing
no
yes we have everything to fear
the weak are strong
and the rich do take flight
through thick and thin
far and wide
the sun comes over the towering
terrifying
mountains

(your face doth make my Retina spin)

try a little
harderplease
there’s a chill and the will to be someone
erupting through the water like god’s Fist
(Wake Up)
come to me, and come to see
and I'll come to be
beautiful and pure

the kind of questions I get are about
death and shoving addiction in my face
I realize that you want peace like I do
(we feel the need to explain to you this predicament)
I laugh because I have to-
(we've got breaking news, Sir Blank Blank Blank has been killed)
what a shame
that one can leave so soon
'
this is the place where the living no longer live
the dead live more than they do
so I wait to find a way out but the doors are locked and
the sirens are going off
and the TV turned on by itself to bring me this important message:
(Sir Blank Blank Blank has been killed)
and I wrote a note for you and your charisma
it's on the table when you come into the house

isn't it special
and isn't nice
they're dropping bombs from the planes tonight

so let your red hair drop a little farther
and let my eye be fixated on the idea
that when you leave (for good)
that one day you'll come back
at my door and fall to the ground
begging and pleading for
me to realize that you loved me
more than I loved you
but it'll be too late because
by then I'll be gone
and I'll refuse to turn back on

i can slide right into warm Summer air
the air smells of nature and where
You sit i sit and your breath (feel
slike warm Summer air)

i could sit on benches and at parks with vanilla Coke forever
whatever you want, dear, i'll do my best
your aura is enough that smile
can make Summer come in the blink of an eye

that's happiness this warm Summer air
no winter spring or autumn can compare
to You and your hair reminds me (of the sun)
and your voice flows deep inside of my heart and your breath(feel
slike Summer air)