i can slide right into warm Summer air
the air smells of nature and where
You sit i sit and your breath (feel
slike warm Summer air)

i could sit on benches and at parks with vanilla Coke forever
whatever you want, dear, i'll do my best
your aura is enough that smile
can make Summer come in the blink of an eye

that's happiness this warm Summer air
no winter spring or autumn can compare
to You and your hair reminds me (of the sun)
and your voice flows deep inside of my heart and your breath(feel
slike Summer air)

we burn the sun
to the sound
of war drums

Bro   en Intro                                                                                                                                                               K
(Universe this in) walked ever has that
being beautiful most the into
turned you’ve years these after
and you in beauty see me lets
change your obvious yet enough is
just and happen never could it

Allusion City, Warm Embrace-Completely Cold:

a taste of warm embrace through a nothing
a mirror showing a wintering copy
of a man who once a King
or perhaps a King who was once a boy

whatever the case may be you can see
a spark throughout the ages of the Universe
would reflect a man throughout a personal sense
and by a flowing river a woman waits quietly

she walks up and greets him like a brother
yet loves him entirely
hopefully he would let her in
but fear could stop him from understanding

(how couldn’t we see this what should be)
what has become of you and I if such a wish was to be
destroyed and then it would be burned with a passion
only able to create a wasteland suburbia(lit on fire by the stars)

(i’mgoingtofloataway i’mgoingtofloatawayi’mgoingtofloataway I’mgoingtofloataway)

into the shades and mirrors you look at me
please care if I become a flower after
finally realizing that I was perfect-
perfect enough to turn the river red

the angels drink from such a river
selling me my only light to guide my way
a dream in its self a reality
a reality of sense and celebration

look how the moon turns over on its side
it lets me see it move about the sky like a shooting star
much too fast to recollect
and if I were to die I would destroy the Universe

but it’s the morning and the morning is love, my dear
let us not sit here by the blue river
wishing the days would slow down
because we know that it could never happen

and before I would ever float away I’ll smash my reflection
and mix the pieces with your Reflection in the river
and it would break down into beautiful words that come out
of the mouths of poets who read their work to crowds
because you are the echo into reality, and nature
and
I
understand
that
it could never happen and just
is enough yet obvious your change
let’s me see beauty in you and
after all these years you’ve turned
into the most beautiful being
that has ever walked (in the Universe)

i never ever said a word about you to hurt you
i gave you gifts and love and my Time
through a hardship i was right by your side

but hell
and now you turn your back
you think it's clever kinda funny to mess with my heart like this
(running away)
you ripped out my heart and tore it apart and left me for cold
the blue eyed round headed stranger once
a
gain

every time i get the chance for four years i have waited in the dust
and through the closing of the eyes i come to realize why
i feel like a flame about to burst
a time bomb about to blow
i can not ever go
this will not ever end another way
this will not end another way
find time to cry much later to(day) come on and tell me Dear
you couldn't even say it to my face
come on am i just such a disgrace to take it in
and let it flow
i choose to live
i choose to know
the hollow is a place that feeds my needs i choose to live
in thoughts of pure and thoughts of rage i will just sleep
and turn into the next
page
slowly
fall asleep
please
in the
morning let
me
choose to live
a little longer
a little stronger
please just carry me
this will end no
please just take me home my mouth was burning with passion and desire
but it's gone
(call an optimist call a doctor)
so take me home i choose to
live
this will end no other
way.

dear god
i was thinking about it the other day
the dying the sickness the hunger
the one person getting hurt equaling a million prayers
yet the boys and girls being thrown in the basement bruised and battered get nothing

i've been praying for sixteen going on seventeen years
and what do i get
little
but the years before fourteen meant little
every year after meant a lot
my heart and soul went into hoping war would end and children would thrive
and she would fight for me

but alas
none of this came true

children starve and are beaten
women are *****
men are murdered
unthinkable acts of violence must go unseen because we worry about the small things

so verily verily i give unto you, this time, my final prayer
an echo a dream of space and the universe
of peace and love of literature and poetry
of songs sung loudly proof proof i need proof
i want her to love me
not anyone else because that will not be true
and even though i say this over and over again
that all i want is some peace of mind and some attraction to last throughout eternity
i figure, knowing you (for the most part)
nothing will come through and I'll be left here to fight in the Nothing

keep a man with two billion dollars safe and sound, though
you're good at that

the kind of questions I get are about
death and shoving addiction in my face
I realize that you want peace like I do
(we feel the need to explain to you this predicament)
I laugh because I have to-
(we've got breaking news, Sir Blank Blank Blank has been killed)
what a shame
that one can leave so soon
'
this is the place where the living no longer live
the dead live more than they do
so I wait to find a way out but the doors are locked and
the sirens are going off
and the TV turned on by itself to bring me this important message:
(Sir Blank Blank Blank has been killed)
and I wrote a note for you and your charisma
it's on the table when you come into the house

isn't it special
and isn't nice
they're dropping bombs from the planes tonight

so let your red hair drop a little farther
and let my eye be fixated on the idea
that when you leave (for good)
that one day you'll come back
at my door and fall to the ground
begging and pleading for
me to realize that you loved me
more than I loved you
but it'll be too late because
by then I'll be gone
and I'll refuse to turn back on

the night sky echoes on
holy
holy
holyart
thou
with my eyes closed i can think i can know what
is
r-al
not
so much so that

in a sea of a million people
i am alone
no lies no truth begun to become blown much out of
proportion


whatever may come to breathe to feel
intelligence iq has nothing to do with anything anymore

oh god
i feel it all blasted right through the wall
come back to me
come back
come back to me
come back
let it all
let it all in

i’ve waited forever it seems
patiently being pateint
waiting i know i’ve never stopped writing about this moment
of pure bliss and joy and happiness and i would never have to worry
everything would be ahead of me
but no
as usual i’m let down and forgotten
and i know i must not be worth fighting for (that’s what kills)

i never wished to love forever
but what i never want always seems to come true
i broke through the wall alright
there’s no doubt

there’s also no time to cry
or shout
in the morning it will all be changed

there’s more i know there’s more because there’s is more Yes there is More

i choose to Live

time's a wasting through the seams an'
three's to gleam the sun beam dan
ce the trees of tilling through farming into a blackedout dream as of yesterday
as of yesterday and today why not anyway not not now
destroy and feast on the gardens expensive flowers grown soil
grow me up seed me down this town's going down
fire on the trees fire on the salt the fields salt the fields and push down and explode like
there's still a hope to look forward how dost you go
words inspiring ha to the yes through the Dance of the Swan rose queen and it disturbs me
a little
this feeds this dance this crow's dance goes a little like this.

after thinking about this, I think I should turn back

give me a second to think

(the night is a painting of stars)



the thunder echoes with her voice

the very thing I've been avoiding this entire time



O' how she backons me

how she calls me by my name

how she smiles and laughs

how could a night end up like this (for me)



can't this wait another year or two?

it's not that I don't care about you

I just need some time to think this whole thing through

it's fine, I'll just wait another minutre

it's not as if this night is going anywhere



(the thunder is a dream, the rain winks with her movement as I...

Know!

I Know!



can't this wait another month or so?

I'm tired and I've got places to go

back and forwards (she moves) Time moves slowly

I'm sorry how this ended up

            and fly....

                  fly right away

           fly to the endlessness I have already known

           fly right away

                                        just fly...

I'm Last!



can't this just wait another hour, one's already past

just pour me another glass of water

this is not the time for games

just get your mind into it and sell it all



O' and how the silence pours down

how could I forsake you?

this is my descision

you are the one who matters

but how she comes down from the clouds, a mystical goddess in the wind

why did I ever throw myself into this position?



and **** it can't this wait another minute? Come on!

time is short and the night is long

nothing makes sense(you move back and forth)

I am born twice in a matter of twelve hours

once in the morning, once at night

breathe in

breathe out

the sound, the sound

oh God

not the sound



tick

tick

tick tick tick to the tock I'm the trick of the trade she's the rhyme of the clock



tick tick tick tock she likes it why can't I just like this

this could have been stopped

tick tick tick tock



I'm beyond afraid

tick tick tick tock no

tock anymore

in my breathe I hit the floor

can't this wait another second....please...



O how I love the taste of the floor..

(I knew I would be the one to forsake you)

the arms are slit and the legs are cracked
the mouth's ripped and the time is ripped
being along the line of the whacked
and all the others tipped and whipped

i long for a single moment of bliss
one where i don't have to expect will end
but my face is dripping and my eyes are a kiss
of complete ****** death and my legs bend

the pressure of my stomach reminds me of myself
decaying in a slow single way along the slide
of my childhood and right now i want to tell you you're well off
loved not ignored so don't complain to me if i'm by your side

i'm lucky enough to be unlucky to be me
this life's like a bleeding cheek
a kiss with a knife in my face, see?
here's where you are and you're meek

so along the shore lines of a couch
in someone else's beautiful house
enough to tell me where you are and take from your pouch
purse whatever you give me give me a douse
of orange
and purple

everyone's here reminding me
how there's faith and assurance inside of crosses
but whatever you want me to be
i will but that doesn't mean my life's not full of losses

so let me be or let me in with you
i long for your beautiful long red hair
so just give me a free time before the bloodshot's due
if you love me like i love you i think you may want to care

I'll always float here,
inside this garden of chemicals
for many years
to destroy myself would be blasphemy,
to remember myself would be heresy
so I settle in the middle (of nowhere)
with no words, no whispers,
the loud bang from the bell is
drowning out the non-polluted oxygen
in my lungs, in my heart
through the zone, out the zone
no way to say goodbye
breathe in, breathe out
breathe in, breathe out
breathe in, breathe out
breathe in, breathe out
breathe in, breathe out
breathe in, breathe out
breathe in

unbound and incepted right into to the camera
looking in, if you're watching
can you see me staring at you

this is the final glare
my wannabe farewell
when you look at your camera in your mind,
can you see me staring at you
will I haunt you like you haunt me

i can feel you looking right through me

assume the position

hold on to your right hand
as I to
the left

get back in the corner
brace yourself for the
fall

and
take it down              a little bit
(in solitude)
mention myself mentioning myself
held
on
to
the
dream

and fall right down
(hold me back up)
I knew what I had to do
and if I knew, what it was like
to be you I'd have to

assume
the
position
let it be heard
out to the world
my ideas, and my strengths
and the wills, not the woulds
could have would have if I tried
forgot for a second how to cry
except for the things that don't even pertain to me at all
and my excuses, if I may, could I throw my life away
and forget
the biggest one of all
I look to the sky and wonder why and wonder why and wonder why
but lie to myself and tell myself that everything's fine
(it's all in your mind) and why, oh why
couldn't you do more
am I lying on the floor for peace, or for
attention
try new things, again
all in
my mind
I'll look at
you
from far away
down the hall
wanting to call your name out, and hold
on a little bit
I know you feel the same way, I know it's like that
and honestly, I think you could be, more scared than me
about *this

and that's what she probably thinks
I know her better than myself
that's the idea
that's where we find our meaning
in each other's thoughts
we cannot hear, we only make up
choices are wrong and I've tried hard
to stop
and cry
I do it all the
time
and I think you know
if you knew
you'd understand
feelings  in real life are alien to you
but they're there
in fantasies of
assuming the position
I know it's true
when I look at you
and you look back
and I look over every face
every mistake cannot be reversed

but still, maybe
if I wanted to
I could just confess
in real life
that I have never and ever and never will again
feel the same way
about this
and you're my goddess
forever, and ever
you've shaped my
everything
more than you'll ever know
and words are ****
sometimes
emotions are worse
I am the Fall
get away from me
get away from me
get away from me
all of you, yes, all of you
get away from me
won't you see
that I'm right
here under
the polluted stars

and then I think

as everything grows
quieter
and quieter

that every face hides the
same thing

and then I know
the words need
to stop
they need to stop and everyone's looking
at the aura and the pain and
no one can feel it again and

I held tightly
the idea
that everyone reading is actually myself

I could die a hundred times over just to restart
but no matter
just stare at me
all of you
and I'll only look at you

it's not dark, it's light
let me in through the gates to drown in the sea of
mindless people
you're all so pitiful
you're all so sad, and for some reason
it's the only thing that makes me

mad

i ju
st w
ant
you
to t
ell
me y
ou l
ove
me s
i ca
n re
lax
whe
n i s
ee y
our
fac
e(s)

'anger is for the weak and fear is for the strong'

time to get the bathrobe off and shove it in the stomach
of a thousand whispered alibis
crooked students flowery students
running all over standing there
trying a little too hard to project myself into those conversations
about love and dreams and dances and
total upright beautiful poetic language that no one really understand
and no one will really understand
ignorance
feeds the weak and the shirtless
it's what we feel that we need to feed our black hole in the galaxy
time moves on and everyone just keeps talking about
they're young and they can do whatever you want
blaming others and parental figures for their (love&care;) rules
******* hypocrites they say
take a look at your ******* self

it takes a little bit to take a breath
hard to bring my mind back to the place where I thought people were good
and eternally grateful but no
there's a place of whispers and lies
and it's where everyone goes to
and I can't help but choke on my on anger from the disgust everyone in my Circle brings me


(bringmehopeandbringmejoy)
I know one day it will come
raining down a thousand glorious rainbows
but for now
this seems to be all

check your center is this where i am where am i flee flee time is time is what time does and time is wasting light like a winter's day
and to wish that everyday would end faster and faster will just shorten the life to vibration and guitar strings

there was once a time when everyone was kind; no, there was never such a thing
but yes that doesn't matter and yes we can go one yes i will go on
beating on like Caraway into the past no yes the sky is cracking remember that one
film that one that so specific film no? no. i can't remember either i hope she loves me still
some way the gleam in her eye seems to be a little uh and little em
pty like that glass You have right in your hand give me a sip please

everyone's busy complaining about their own dreams but when they come up suddenly it's not enough, and that's your fault i think not minepleasestopthis please you're sitting there with that look on your face like ha-ha you're sad lock me up then

she loved me tell me she loved me please you destroy worlds right come on and tell me if you can let me know then there's the door and here i go
oh now you want me to stay because i'm enough right tell me i'm good
wait
hold on
i'll let you check your ****** notes one more time you haven't rehearsed this moment much have you
oh but you know everything and protect everyone
FREE WILL written on the wall there i see
wonderful and original, as everyone else is through lava rivers and the fire soaks me dry

is this it is this tell me she loves me his hand over her shoulder why do i even care still i said i quit so i quit
i don't think anyone can be ashamed to quit because we're living in a time where we think everyone deserves to please another with their accomplishments whether the mental or the physical
(oh great congratulations on your marriage)
well no one deserves to see my love if everyone expects it pay me just pay me
look at you you're disgusting ha-i'm sorry i meant i'm disgusting
we're all disgusting you and me
we're both one of kind so thanks for listening i guess (just look at you)
i know i know you love me and want the best for me
FREEWILL
words get closer every  time i look every time ilook everytimeilook-

rightful stone explode and then be regrown
shock all night then we can play the day a two
as the sun beats down hot upon the pavement
looking at the cooking of cold hearted skins

again and again to be lying on the treetops
be mean be lean be everything the heart endures
live through the Blue and in time it will do
adjust repeat and center their self unto Me

to be a dust of ticking center stage

looking for a thing to keep me occupied
mine eyes look at the land far deep so wide
farthest way home backest way across the hill
across the Universe song and tall i Sing:

Yes forgotten bridge and bowl make two

"I want to travel,"
She said , perhaps a little tipsy, under the weather
and cold

Yes, I'd love to travel too. Climb the mountains,
swim the seas, just like you'd do

"Promise me you'll always have my back.
I have yours,"
she said, sitting on the bench
eating lunch while I saw and stared
at the grey sky

I'll always have your back

"The cold weather always makes me depressed,"
she said, caring for her mother, thinking about
her brother, lying on her bed

The Winter isolates all of us
(but perhaps the four seasons traps me
all the time.

"I can't believe it's almost over,"
she said, in dress, sitting atop
the bar, on top of the world
couldn't tell if she was happy,
or if she was sad,
but it was spring, and spring was
Good

Don't worry

There is no cause for alarm,
there is no cause for alarm
there is no cause
no cause

"I think I love him,"
she said, head on his shoulder
my face in my pillow
glass shatters,

I always had your back

There is no cause for alarm
no cause for thoughtless thoughts
I can't stand here longer
than I had before

"How are you?"
She never said
lying on her bed

"I want a car crash,"
I thought, for the millionth time

"I hope you're happy.
I'm not"

cut edit splice repeat your

cut edit splice repeat your


disappointment of your brother

loves your father worship

your mother who raised you

look at the sea so

the sea will look back

and accept you and your

sister looks at your pride

and your pride looks

at your ego

who loves your father

who worships your mother

for giving birth to

You

and with a wink

it gives me time to think

that love is right here so



cut edit splice repeat

cut edit splice repeat

re la la lin quish
forsewallthenon
the non
the anon and non and soon

deceived monster triumphs
over all there's a mist there's a ****** airy feeling
arise

believe your eyes
open up write it down and see
new words new earth new universe
I have arrived
open your eyes
breathe and
look

right sock tucked up a little bit to feel the risky air on my heel
walking in the cooling rain wetting my hair to the destination(just to be kicked out
once again)
note to self:
Double triple check next time

but the walk home is what snaps my heart and scatters it
the rain henceforth making haste puts it back together later
though in the moment in the heat of the Winter cold rain
snow everywhere in the middle of the April goddess June summer ....
so i breathe&relax; to take a moment and stop to decide where i need to be and what i need to see
and i'm there i know you know i'm there

the longest way home is a winding twisting shortcut

see
sometimes i get wrapped up in the moment of Love and Peace
some say to stop living your Dreams and Fantasies
you'll become stuck in time and you'll become a delusion
diluted and polluted in memories and that's when it hits me the most
when everyone else in the world walks away from you
or leaves you behind forgetting your very shining presence
that's the most perfect time to have dreams and fantasies
because it sure beats the hell out of what we have here.

Stop the music. Please, just stop the music....
Violin Cello Poetry:
      
                        Marry myself unto sleep again
one’s the one that usually is true
when again to curse the blue
Ella, I’m in Love with you.

I am a nightmare of the highest run to my parents degree
I give myself time to right the wrongs and to be
l(j)ust like every time to every clock to every rhyme
and every corner to every sign

through me you see ha to ha
Ellaaaaaha-ha Yes
Yes I knowing the know now
                        I have the right to sing well and ta da
Elaaaaaaaaaa
Elllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Blackout

Here I am again,
drowned in pools of fire,
I can smell the heat from here
inside the corners of my room,
under daylight’s gleam, midnight’s
solar flare
blinded by the star’s glare,
they say goodnight

i come undone, flying under her radar
flying under the stars gaze,
have I disappeared completely?
or have I been clinging to the poles of the earth too long?
do I freeze or do I burn
how long must I yearn for decay
for anything better than this,

I think of life when I think of death
I think of how I will always be more pure than her
and it puts a smirk on my face,
as I sit in agony of my dungeon

I have cursed myself
I did this on purpose years ago
i did it to save a girl i knew
and saved her, I did
she went on to do greater things
so as i realize this, the sun reaches higher into the sky
pulling muscles in my leg
getting headaches and finally I begin

how great it is to be pure
do they lie in bed together
is she chained to him forever
as I am chained to my loneliness
and my resilience of forgiveness

I don’t understand,
I will never understand
I can smell the heat from here
come back to me, one day
any day
I’ll always be here.

There’s a strong wind blowing south as the hand of god erupts through the water
we have nothing
nothing
no
yes we have everything to fear
the weak are strong
and the rich do take flight
through thick and thin
far and wide
the sun comes over the towering
terrifying
mountains

(your face doth make my Retina spin)

try a little
harderplease
there’s a chill and the will to be someone
erupting through the water like god’s Fist
(Wake Up)
come to me, and come to see
and I'll come to be
beautiful and pure

lay

down                                                 right nex
t
       o

there       sleep                                                                      well

and sleeep tightttttttt
dream soft
dream
brig
                    ht

words ****                             words bite                        

time flies
time hurts

your Hair
your per
fect
face
like  a            sun
shining
some
where

wor
ds
am
i am
i know
to seed the
farm
and let the bodies
let them go
and let me go
i'll be right                there
to see it through and throw my hands right through your hair andc cry out yes and hold you close and put your lips right on my mouth
and eject
...
hold
me
close
...
and
go
away
i
now

i'm
lonely
on
vicarious
envy
you­
only

you only you only you only you only  you only  you only  you only  you only  you only  
love me
...

dancing slowly to the sound of your voice in my head

but the morning comes and washes away the dreams

from the glances in the deep end of a pool of people

you appear through the crowd and smile

proceeding to walk to anyone else but I



all I ever wanted was a moment where you could come to me

to say a few words, this and that, it matters little

but I am the only one who realizes this click

                                     that is floating away slowly



all you would ever care to tell me is the basics

the airy feeling between us, the miles, the walls

***** me in once again as the strings on your heart don't pull

and lets me think of a time where I wish I knew you since forever



how could I have been so blind and so disrupted

every thought of you wrapped inside reality and dreams(that will continue for eight million years)

although at times it feels like I'm not even walking anymore



and the time flies out the window and kills itself



it's done with you and I



and on the First day God created you

to walk amongst the angels in pure bliss

to smile and light up the world

to flow between souls and make them feel rested



on the Second day God created I

the first thing I ever saw was You

and you didn't say much

but I knew it would be important



the Third day rolled around the corner and God created a picture of emotion

a flowing river of thoughts and dreams

for me to experience but not recognize for #2years

and like a child lost in a sea of people, looking for his mother, I found you once again



on the Fourth day God created a hero

someone for me to look up to and follow in His footsteps

someone I detested for a years suddenly looked like a dream-

one I wished I could become



and become I did, and glances at you still swam around me

and the more and more I smiled the better it got

and at some moment it all became clear that this is what I needed

as I became who I needed to be (moreso than anyone else but you)



and on the Fifth day God created Doubt

to crawl inside my heart and rip it apart

but it did not matter, because I still could look at you

and feel safe and warm



(but now I realize that the efforts will matter none)



on the sixth day god created a revelation

a smack you in the face cold hard truth

and in that moment I looked for my Hero

but alas, he was nowhere to be found

could I talk to him, I would find strength

but all that I could think about is talent

love slowly drifted away

and I felt like I no longer needed to care

but oh how I wish you would not disappear forever



(but within the visions, the memories, and the dreams I came to realize there would be no Whisper worth knowing-

-and I disappear within the vision:



For on the Seventh day god created another

one you knew just as well

and it could have all been a lie in the first place, but at this point I'm not forced to care

because you'll be walking with him; just like you, not giving me a chance

and I'll sit on my couch for years

anotheroneturnedintoadreamofathousandpluspeople



on the eighth and final day god finished his materpiece

and looked at his angels and said:

"What do you think?"

and they could not reply from the beauty

and he walked away from the painting



when the #8Eternity hangs on the wall of glory

I remember her as a haze of time

and drift into the ocean

and push the water into the sky

one more time

If I'm the first one out the door,
will someone stand up and say they love me?
I have been here many times before

I beat my self, emotionally, sometimes physically
what have I done to myself?
I scratch my hair and sigh a little

If I'm the first one out the door,
can I look at you, and smile?
"Stay a while," I'd hope you ask
if I could only bask in your water
but instead I float inside my own tears
(holywater/bornagain)

I will be the last one out,
because I'm too afraid there are people who
truly want me in their life
and through all the pain, and all the grief,
maybe it's ok, maybe it's alright
to go out on a walk at night
search for headlights in the distance,
since stars are covered up by clouds
and I am no longer illuminated by the moon

and maybe soon I can go home
where all the dogs and humans roam
just in case I'm the last one out,
and no one will cry in their sleep
I'll step up where I don't believe,
and no one will remember me
because they told themselves that this is not real
and I want to believe them
oh
I want to believe them
but this is all too real.

poetic leaves create memories of summer,
endless hours of happiness
exchanging words, living in our little worlds
god, what happened to Us?
my agony in our subtlety, do you feel it too?
perhaps we've both failed each other
i'm sorry,
forgive me
we'll come to see
somehow, and someway
that we will find out what true love is one day

t
          ire
                    swi  
                                ngs
                                      and s    i    d     e    w    a    l   k    s      
                                                etc.
up
||
fill


my
mind
through-------------------mytime

you're so
precious
so beautiful
like diamonds only
m  o r  e    s  o

as the sun shines

d
o
w
n

n
o
p
u

the ro
cks

death and destr/ction
may devour my mind
but no one can take my time
and etc etc tire swings and sidewalks fill my mind
beauty and your lips on mine

and beautiful I think we're doing just fine

conception
grace
time
waiting
beds
money
more money
spent
gone
fighting
loving
hugging
kissing
slapping
screaming
sleeping
waiting
more waiting
more fighting
broken
birth
baby
sleeping
tired
laughing
crying
all three
fighting
sleep
older
growing
crawling
talking
and walking
sleeping (all the time)
sickness
and health
more or less wealth
tired
sleep
school
friends
come back home
sleep
do it all over again
grow
again
watch
parents
fight
bite
kiss
eat
regain consciousness
remembrance
middle school
growing
girls and boys
boys and girls
attraction
satisfaction
hormones
deadly
parents fighting
parents loving
sleeping all the time
killed inside
confused
laughing
immature
maturing
High School
relationships
joking
camps and fights
realization
forget conception
grow older
become an adult through
broken
friendships
and glass
in the mind
sleeping all the time
dreams
remembrance of
reality and fiction
crescendo
music
writing
movies
books
TV
parents fighting
no longer loving
become an adult
fall out of love
and into confusion
into an ever deeper love
obsess
question
(do they?)
realize
have a good time
or not
graduate
go to college (or not)
***
***
***
***
***
or not
graduate (or not)
sleeping (all the time)
home
marriage
job
kids
work
accomplish
don't accomplish sit
sleep
fight
eat
sleep
sleeping (all the time)
no such thing
as kids or
partners
alone
realize
everyone's gone
dreams
gone
life asleep
like you
work
success or no success
you must try (just a little)
and then die

while you pulled the bow on the string I should have realized it meant more than just something
but I had some appreciation for you talent while I just sat there thinking about myself
but now I’ve come to find that it was just more
your passage to Heaven is mine to hold

I still can taste the times that shaped our friendship
and the fact that I tried to be just as good as you for some time
but realized I was inferior so I gave up
even though I tried so hard I didn’t try at all

And now you’re gone and you didn’t even let me know
(but we hadn’t talked in forever so why would it matter anyway)
and since you’re gone, and it seems full time
I hope and pray you impress everyone out there
because honestly you could always do that

I hope you and your dreams stand up and become a reality
and they cheer for you because I know you deserve such recognition
and you will become more and more amazing
and will stand on top as the Queen

I want everyone to put your hands together as she bows for the musical conclusion
of a story that should have never been written, and you, you need to
stand up there and keep impressing the world
while I sit here and remember the glory days
but forget that, keep making the world’s heart move
to your glorious sound of music
but please remember me, someway, someday
just don’t say a single word about it

sometimes things taste much too real
drop the ball know just don't let me
steal
the body a
away like you did like before
flat down face pounded on the floor like before

i will not
i will do
i will see
and i will reduce
to the
war

raising the bar
and sick of the smoke
battered down and sent to choke

blue is the blue as read is the red
and if i were to leave here
i would be
dead
and if i could try
perhaps i won't sigh
any
more

and i will not cry
for i will not die
i'll take what's mine
i'll cross your line
i'll figure it out, this destiny
whatever fate is
don't bury me alive

black
holes
black
coal
what's the matter with

love
life
peace
little conflict
dreams
peace
time
sharing itself

back in the hole
stretched and un
even
i'll be there too, crossing your line
and i'll take what's mine
because I am here too
you are there

oh, lets
look again
can they see you from-

lost and found again
lost inside the sin
of what's inside sin's sin
if everything's wrong if every
things tried
and pined away
today
i'll go on

can they see you from the end of the-

road's on fire
the road's on fire from
the tree that holds the liar
with a finger on his lips
cut off finger tips
i'll take what's mine
cross your line
can they see you from the end of the street
inside the window
changing lust
backyard dust chokes me down to the end
this is a friend
alone on my own
can't you remember what you said

can they see you from the
inside
can they see you from the in
side
feel you touch breathe you from the inside
inside your line
taking what's mine
predetermined des
ti
ny

(you're wrong, you're wrong
so
long)
freezer ice
back to what's nice

time goes by

we are,
human
we
are,
hu
man

dearest blank,



praising you for who you are (my blackest hole)

            how could someone so beautiful be so empty

walking and talking saying the same thing every day

with no variety and the same disposition that’s a poor way to travel



            through rain and snow there was a vow to promise

to follow you all day long and think of you all throughout the night

                        and to be honest, that’s what I wanted

to breathe you to feel you to love you

but love needs to go two ways



two ways for two hearts and two minds

(become one)

but you keep walking the same line over

and over

and over again

while it seems that I’m drifting through the past and the present

no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I love

                        you know it I know you know it is true

                                                            but you just won’t except it

nothingness and emptiness are companions

                        hello)

how are you

I can no longer believe it can work but your smiling face

and your beautiful hair pick me back up again even though

I want to be thrown in the woods all by myself

so I can stare at a pond and relax coming back to it

and to float and sink and breathe and forget the love

to         find

                                    someone

                                    worth

                        my time

            my effort

                                    my struggle

but the deeper I get the more I know it is true

                                                                        I'll just end up thinking about you

Always,

Yes.

sun's looking down at my face
looking up at the ways
I come undone

and everybody can talk
everybody can sing
I got one less ring

but it's going to be alright
god things are looking up
so beautiful got
reassurance  stuffed within my pocket
(I just have to take it out)

and I know
she goes
I got your everything
and I see
you please
I know that I can be this
why
would I ever want to be someone
who couldn't do anything at all
(just put your mind to it, it's got everything to do with you
can take off a bite and chew, then you're golden)

your a star
I know it's true
and perhaps I just don't know
what to do if I just want to get closer to you
and I never wanted to freeze up by a friend, but I have to start back at the end. I hold on
empty in the rain
this will happen again and again and again

unless I do something about it
be the instigator I never
thought that I could be
and then maybe you can see
I just am empty in a void
I got out and here I am
still reaching almost
being ****** back in
but no

it's going to be alright
have to get through without a fight
and down goes the night
the sun's looking down on my face
I am no longer a disgrace
to
the end
I just need to know
that
I can
it shouldn't be this hard
to be in your presence
(I've gotten out of my chains that I've had before but they want to take me back)
again
hold on to
the beauty that's within you
and out I just don't-

it's going to be alright
it's going to be
alright
since I've got reassurance stuffed inside my pocket
I just have to take it out.

i've bitten of a piece of my shadow and stopped looking
hoping for something more, and
nothing less

apology accepted, take it as my
clack a tack against your shoulder to remember nonsense
all the time

i've always been blunt in a good way
but with certain aspects electrocuted
and born

what makes them happy makes them happy
i'm happy to do so, but you, sad, i think
i'm sorry

it doesn't matter if it makes me happy or sad or frustrated
I feel abysmal without you and searching for you in a sea of admirers-
I quit.

Forget me lost here
I'm right behind the
forgotten soul survivor

                         you're the Truth
I'm the lie

sinking in the depths

what do I need
to crawl back up
my muscles tear, my body aches
                             the same button stops working overandoverandover&overagain; *******
i strain it all you're the light to my day the sugar to my tea
yet my tea is never sweet enough
bitter burning tongue tasting wallowing sadness ****
                                
             Simple words, the curse of my being
how powerful they seem
one affect over the other saying
~hello, I am death, destroyer of words
how courteous thou art, how brave, and wonderful

(I'm onehundredandten%ready, dear)

informing madness slowly softens me so I dare not respond
i forgot now did i, same capitalization as it ever was
I i I I I i i I love you, I love your idea, the picture the
bitter burning tongue tasting wallowing sadness ****
that's how I live and feel, it's not that bad
waiting it out, waiting it out
time's a bunch of different strands
notes played by Orpheus
come to me my love, where you go I go
staring at the water I don't
you're my own reflection to love
burning O song of the Sun
waiting it out, waiting it out
I love you, you love me
hopefully
waitingwaitingwaitingwaiting
you're the most beautiful girl in the world
that's a glorious fact
I'll keep waiting
waitingandwaitingwaiting
lying sleeping dreaming writing waiting waiting
blasphemy mouth of the Universe, tell me
why must I wait for her in eternal strands
waiting longer shorter faster slow down slow down
over and over again waiting

I'm the most patient man in the Universe.

scorched snake on scorched earth,
why do my thoughts decide my worth?
time flies and time dies
when she cries tress fall
in August after
remembrances of summer days
that burned away on cold spells

bleeding roses on a thorny bush
why must she forget to push?
there's no other scream to cry
or alibi for sad men in the gutter

(she was what I wanted not,
she was what I never got)

and with some soup on a Friday night,
that I forgot, cold, waiting- -
just like me
so come and see, my empty heart
on display as the kids play in the cold playground
with snow all around them,
laughing, without thought, without a made up mind
just innocence, and I try to crack a smile
for I always hate what I never had, and never will have,
and I maybe I'll give up this time

('away,' she mocks me, 'away'
and I always go, for you, always)

I
'both are the answers'
I think that's what he said, what he says is dead, he used to say
he told me that I must find my wall,
but what could that mean, and would it matter at all,
really, if I didn't know who or what my wall was
but staring out into the distance, not aware of time or space
I saw laughter and the smile, and then the defense
my god, my god, was she the wall
are you the wall,
my god, my god

I can be the halo to my halo,
she only told me that so I'd be grateful, but
grateful for what, was the question
'you must have careful planning'
she told me again
to plan for the nothingness that grows in my backyard
or my illusions at night,
you encompass my bed and my arms are around dozens
of people that are just the same as you

my god, my god,
why should we be all the same
to lose ourselves in the calls and the texts and all the other
messages we get late at night
or the messages we wished we'd get during the day

so ***** your curiosity to **** in the truth
or the subjective, whatever's important, whatever rings the right way, sounds the
right way,
'You will make bells and I will paint icons'
Funny thing is I can't do either, but your Christ-like beauty
held me near, your smile, you're the wall, at least that's what I like
to imagine as I stare out the window in utter boredom

and the art can't even add up to your gleaming sun

II
I scratch my arm with the semi-broken pen
as the lady in white yells about the news
I can feel her fingers create the atmosphere,
and the dream is ******* me in as I try
once again to be buried in the replacements of many,
and I know, and I think I know
that in just a few seconds I'll see you staring ahead, determined, or lazy
I don't know which, perhaps both, just like me
and then soon I'll get a glimpse of that face and even though
I want to say something I can't say anything and I give up by screaming
inside, I think, at least until I see someone else
and that makes me go deeper, deeper, and deeper
and falling down being the swirling light to the
days of the future and the future of the days is limited
only this time without so much reassurance

III
I don't know how long it took me to understand
that your eyes were not the stars, and you were not my wall
no matter how hard it took for me to **** it up
and be a man, to be a man, my god, my god,
to be a man is to be a god, someone I can't be
so can't you see that
I don't want you to lose yourself
in my masculinity
or my excuse for it
and then I could see my soul  being lifted up by
your eyes

IV**
this is my excuse,
I love it as much as you do
we can look at it as two different things, but it's
one singular thing
one motionless thing
one little thing that has nothing to do
with my separation, my schism from reality
'Where would I be without you?' is what I asked,
not you
implied, maybe, but how am I supposed to know
they say don't look into the future, be the same, live in the moment
the moment is always the same, full of trash and appeasement

and then, finally, I can go back in a flash, and then back to the moment
and the moment I'm always in is the moment that will go on forever
as I trek my odyssey down the hallway to see you, the wall, be my defense
my god, my god
then I see you and your friends cooling yourselves off, talking about
who-knows what and then I groan and
put my head on the table, am I embarrassed, or envious, or jealous, or all three
or everything, I'm everything but a man, the man that's defined as a real man
the man you'd like to lose yourself in, no, no I'm not that man or a "man"
I'm only a human, if I'm anything, but to be a man,
my god, my god
I think I could understand, then, I think I could understand you
if I could be a man, if I could be a man, then I would understand,
my god, my god, my god
is a man
and I am not

the smile’s of thousands of lucky winners
please my trying and my doing
to be someone     unlike the rest
to win everything above the rest
to lose and get right back up again

it was always you
running and running i trip
but your hand
is right there
as usual
to pick me right back up
and send me back right to where i started
this is not a game this is the olympics this is murderball
it’s everything wrong that’s right
this is now this is to survive the survival of millions of natural selections
i’m the survivor i shall not die in vain
name on the paper sign here
-Survivor-

No one cares I am not okay today this is not okay I look at what I love I want to destroy something rip it to pieces and never let anyone know and maybe then I shall be happy I shall be at peace because I’ll know that the snobbish will have been destroyed not death but life I will grant her Life the worst disease a disease incurable the only disease we will never be able to cure no matter how far science comes and that’s why science is ******* because it will never cure what kills the most
and no death is not a cure for life because they say life keeps going afterwards and I believe that I think I do I think I am I am I am true to myself that’s why I protect my faith will God grant me heaven or is there more on Earth and nothing can ever be perfect since if I die in an awful way how will I know how I died in heaven if heaven is a place with no pain and if I can’t remember my death how will I be able to remember my family and my love how I loved her I did I loved her very much but I am afraid of her now because she cries at night and hates me because I loved her even though she desired love and that’s what I gave unto her I blessed her with love but she hates me and everyone hates me and I take walks to know I am okay and that’s is why I must get rid of beauty not her beauty but of her life’s beauty and she is her life not herself but Her her she is what made her not love me me but her and how crazy I drive and I take walks when where who what why why could she just not love me there is nothing wrong with me I will stomp I will roar calm me mother calm me sing me a lullaby
the fan screams as the clock strikes five she screams she screams she screams hateandlove
I love her with the passion of one million suns

Vanish-ing into
air
come and let me touch your
hair.

I don’t need to look it up if the room is dark and hysterical

crazy as it will ever be and out of my peripheral vision comes the world’s longest highway

a place where no indicator will tell me if she wishes to tell me something important

a place where people go and ride forever into the breeze of the crying air



just the one part lets me drift alone into the words once again

I can’t remember anything about riding on that highway but the inspiration it gave me

for it would be my transport to years in shadows (if I only could control it)

but it looked at me for I am unrecognizable to the river below it

                                                    

by the beaches of the longest highway in existence I snapped a glance at you

your beauty flowing with the air; the wind blowing gently across my hair

the sounds of cars and trucks above us and you smiling made me assured

that anything is possible if i just put my mind to it



all that time I just sat there imagining the walls breaking

only to find that those dreams were reality (and this is a dream?)

the answer to my problems, the end to and

I won’t keep the car running if I don’t have to



the colors start to fade as night falls in the city overshadowed by the longest highway in the world

lights up the world from the Universe’s point of view

I begin to follow you where ever you go

to find myself with you the whole time



I don’t need some assurance to know if this real or not

this moment, this truth is reality

no matter how much I want this city to be

tonight I will wish I can visit once again

but the sky keeps falling and will shatter into a million pieces

piercing the air making it cry tears of blood

with that nightmare I’ll wake up

one day

next to you.

influence can find its way through love and life
writing and power becoming sanctified in a holy box
from you're never going to get anywhere to get on the floor put your hands up
kicked down beaten down with words
somehow between the mix a hero ascended
words and power in fortythree lines
and on and forward (Olaf) sends us into eternity

one day perhaps the words will end
but never can i stop reading them
for if it wasn't for you I would have never started writing poetry
or prose or anything and that's why i need to regard you as a hero
my hero

dear e.e
thank you for creating me anew
i honestly, to any man living or dead, owe my life to you

because I would be nowhere without your words that go on into the Infinite.

you're extravagant sky lifts
   gravity
           dies
                together we will
                                 fly

goodbye morning (12)
cups on the right,
knock one over again
alive
pick it up (no one noticed)
fill it with coffee which I don't drink
watch some ****** movie on TV
and pretend to punch through the screen

think of it,
happiness
haven't been this happy in awhile
like it or not
smile on your face
on little day
happy, happy, happy
the ****** movie still plays
got nothing else to do
fling the coffee at the screen
the TV dies
think of you and go up to it
I go through it like in Videodrome
or something like that

Thanks, Cronenberg
I'm expendable

ripping the inevitable skin
unable to find the loss to win
what i crave most is gone away
what's lost has been found but again astray

whatever leaves me in my own desert here
could be lost by a bottle of water by the pier
of a somehow littleknown town
down and around the bend

mine
mine

let me know if this goes too slow
or if you want me to pick it up and go
faster and faster to break the speed of love
a thing not possible a thing not above

what's mine
what's mine

lie to me everything you say is the truth
sometimes honesty rises under and around the gravity oh see
whatever the tooth and whatever (me)
I'm lost in you I'm lost in me I'm lost we

are mine
are mine

unable to let go of the wheel
i control it all the appeal in me is gone however
to you i'm just another sigh in the dark
another walk in the park to know how beautiful and how sad i am that you

are not mine
are not mine

laying down with the back of my head pressed

firmly on the white bed

I understand what it fully means when I look outside into

the bright dark night and the

sky seems to be a puzzle of some sorts put together

only by

                Dreams



as the sound of beauty fills the air

I hold the paper and the paper holds my heart

and all that I can see is a cold blackness

mixed with the brightness of the moon that causes a reflection

clearer than the bluest flowing river



it takes a few mere seconds to

                   turn over

and observe the world from

                this side of Paradise

                even if it’s the wrong way home

                                                (I’d still grow wings)



and what is a star but a symbol of hope and greatness

only illuminated by other stars and the moon (keeps sending me a message)

or is a star not only a symbol

but a painting that describes the whole eternal universe

and everything ****** inside of it

and who would wish to set the painting into flames

or sell it to the unworthy, for that matter



as the sky keeps beckoning me I remember that

there is an everything to everyone

and beyond life I remain to wonder

if he will remember me and

who I am (was) because I’ve kept realizing

these beautiful revelations at a faster rate than I ever thought would be possible

and the air keeps lifting me off of my feet

                                                                                as I feel like I’m

                                                                being dipped into the fountain of youth and truth

only the water is not blue anymore, it is a blood red



and the stars take everyone for who they are and I keep

breathing to feel the stars of the universe to come and bring me up

and to let me realize all at once that the stars are the ticket to the greatest painting

ever painted

but if keep swimming in the Red

I’ll be dead

but the stars bring life, yet the others will cut it with their flaming knife

(I don’t want to be taken so far away from here)

throw you the bone O most powerful
of Lord's on High you are most praised
every day every hour every minute
quick fast slow slower fast faster than all
running from nothing yet commanding everyone to do your labor

i'm not the One so don't demand me to become like You
godless God Godfearing individuals look to people like a Sun
when the dealing's done and the woman's left at the feet of the most Mighty
where is the question, why is the question, what's the answer then
for whom do the bells toll when everyone's deserted

they all tell me the same thing every time so I'll stop asking the same questions for now
the answers will never come no matter how much i wonder
how long i wait
i'm just a speck of dust in a world of sand and droplets of water in the ocean

but i happen to have One hope, one life, one dream

So, dear
tie me up let me loose for she loves me she loves me not
the more important questions of the eternal ones
she's the one I look at for through her I see the Infinite Lordloving Sun
And I have to admit it
It most certainly and most curiously makes me smile a warm smile.

forced down on the floor
shove my face into the ground some more
and score and score and score
and scream 'some more'

the ending is the ending of the beginning
but where does the new one start

i can march right on down the hallway
and into your presence
into your aura

and float like a goddess from the sea
over and walking on water through the river and to the land
where the people are fertile and growing and civilization
is flowing from the banks
and time heals whatever is surrounded by
demons and shadows
and if you can lend me your hand
this will feel a little different
yet so the same as it was anytime
and anytime you want me i think i'll be here
not on this ******* pedestal
around the ******* mindlessness
i'll be here
this will be the grand finale
booming drums
bows on strings
yes,
yes I see it now
goodbye,
goodbye

goodbye
yes
good
bye

send me flowers and a cake go ahead now
how the weather can ch
ang e the mood in the blink of an eye
in the milky snow flowing down i know tomorrow
as seventeen and perhaps a gift from the long black haired girl
and to the other birthday girl red trees and broken guitars

teach me how to play and then we can talk a little more in person

there's a melting *** of four four real three there and one that way
across the screen and slipping away inside of this bashing head to the desk
godfuckingdamnit i get so upset)
see me the three can talk into my ear and when they grace my environment
i sit and listen a whistle and shiver to a cold sweat
what can attract them all the fourth is the first i know that the fourth is first
but i don't breathe it like the others

The four Goddesses (et numerum Nympha

but number three can be crossed out at this seventeen moment
i no longer care i no longer see what she could do for me

(decree of humanity and self worth:
I was hungry so I Ate
I was Thirsty so I drank
I was tired so I slept)

that's it that's really ******* it isn't it
ha a laugh a ha

how can i do this naked spring ******* the cold winter
twisting and ******* turning
godfuckingdamnit
the snow is going to destruct me

(but the fourth girl the girl across the screen through the Universe to the void and flying through the stars is enough and she's first i know she's first like always as usual i can do this